Unravelling Caroline
by Sleepy Dakini
Summary: DISCLAIMER: Characters contained within are the creative genius of the brilliantly talented Sally Wainwright, long may she write! I would however note that the character of Dr. Sarah Durham is entirely mine, but does delight in entwining herself in the lives of Sally's delicious characters.
1. Chapter 1 - Put Me Back Together Kate

**Unravelling Caroline**

**Chapter 1 - Put Me Back Together Kate.**

Caroline, tucked into Kate, head resting heavily against her chest, awakening again today in their home after nearly three long months, working with every fibre of her flesh to erase the smells and sounds that had ensnared her soul. Today, pulling in the smell of Kate, their home, their love. She's noted the walls, the canary yellow, the pine wardrobes, all of it putting dates to a previous life. "Things change. Things always change." She manages a mumble. Unstuttered it finds its way into the world, into Kate.

"Sorry?" Kate's been dipped in her own delusions. Wondering when she'll find the time to rid this room of John, the canary yellow walls, the pine wardrobes, the pieces of a previous life. Its three years today, to the day, that they'd met, introduced each other, tumbled, taken on the world. She's drawn back to that evening, that enchanted evening, when they first laughed together, exchanged names, bantered for the first time. The invitation had read: _Dr. Grace Mitchell requests the honour of your presence, Friday January 4th, 2013..._

Caroline's cautious claim calls her back.

"You're wearing a nightgown. When did this begin?" Winding her fingers into the straps of Kate's negligee, admiring the beautifully sculpted chest. Caroline had always been in awe of Kate's frame. It suited her, tall, lean, fit, beautiful.

"Mmmm," Hesitating, cautious - not wanting to bruise a nerve… "Since the night I ran into Lawrence in the hallway, while I was responding to Olivia's cries on the monitor. The poor boy, headed up the stairs with a late night sandwich, glass of orange juice, and there I am, in all my glory - frozen both of us."

"He's knows better than to bring food to his room." Caroline mumbled.

"Right, well he was devastated Caroline. I had no idea where to put myself. I decided there and then." In reality it had begun only a week or two after Kate had been forced into nocturnal isolation, without Caroline, worried, abandoned, naked, alone.

"Question," Kate quipped.

"Mmm Hmm." Caroline had run her hand tenderly over Kate's breast and was working her way to the hem of the negligee trying to remember the last time they'd felt this calm, together, alone.

"What turns you on Caroline?"

"Wh w w what do you mean? I don't understand. What turns me on? Well um. You, Us. Why?

"What about Me, about Us?"

"Ahh. Yyy Yes, okay, well, if you must know." Caroline winked.

Kate chuckled. Taking Caroline's wandering hand in her own, directing it between silk and flesh. Caroline's kind yet confident love making had been left in the rubble. To be fair, neither woman was in a hurry, but it brought a hard and fast lump to Kate's throat hearing her beloved Caroline struggle for language, struggling to pull synaptic responses into thoughts, thoughts to words, words to turn of phrase. Gone was the razor like ramblings of Dr. Caroline Elliot.

"Mm, I could admit, if pushed, that I may have, possibly, caught myself leaning for length, on a morning or two, losing myself in your morning routine. Watching you shower, possibly, maybe. I love to watch you dress, layer by layer, attending to details and colours. Caroline got quiet, a bit embarrassed.

"Anything else?" Kate had decided that she liked Caroline's hair this short. When she'd dropped her off at the salon yesterday to have the grey bits covered she was surprised, upon completion, that she'd allowed her stylist to cut it again. "Deciding to keep it short are we?"

Caroline had responded with a trademarked "I don't know."

Kate thought it became her, softer, revealed more of Kate and Olivia's Caroline and less of the world's Caroline. There was the one crevasse though, left after surgery. Kate was certain it would never grow hair again. Seemed her fingers always landed there. Caroline winced just a bit when Kate's fingers grazed the scar. If she caught it just the right way it could feel like hitting your funny bone.

"Kate?"

"Right here love." Kissing the spot where she knew the scar sat, pulling her closer.

Well there is one thing that always, without fail, can unravel me... at lightning speed."

"Tell."

"Not sure I can."

"Can you... show me?"

"With that old rag draped over you. Afraid not...Or maybe I'm just afraid Kate."

Kate had done her utmost to not allow her pain to make its way to Caroline throughout this entire nightmare. She'd done well, better than she knew. She was just as proud of Caroline, who had employed a demeanour of courage and strength through her entire ordeal - and recovery.

"O.K. well that's an easy fix." It was gone, over her head and to the floor. Caroline's blue eyes staring into Kate's dark orbs, terrified to gaze upon the one thing she wanted so desperately. Terrified of her own exposure, of how she might respond - behave, or not behave. Despite months of therapy and forced journalling, of which she'd proclaimed frequently was both juvenile and redundant, but as a result of she had braced herself for a full on nervous breakdown the first time they were to make love again, after the attack.

"Kate? What about Olivia? Avoidance therapy - Caroline's speciality.

"What about her? She turned to face Caroline again. "She's been tucked in with her big brother since daybreak. Did you not hear her calling for him? He runs to get her, brings her back to his room. It's what they do, their very own time. If you listen closely some mornings you'll hear Lawrence reading to her from one of his textbooks, preparing for an exam or paper. But the very best Caroline is their conversations about what he thinks she should plan for the day ahead. It's beautiful really." She wiped a tear from Caroline's cheek. "It's okay Caroline. You're safe. We're right here. We're all safe. She calls him Rence by the way, should you ever wonder what - or should I say who she's asking for."

"Come with me today Kate."

"Of course."

"Really? Just like that?"

Kate broke out into laughter. "I don't think we're talking about the same thing Caroline."

"Oh Dear. Oh, erm, I suppose we're not, no." She managed a chuckle and felt confidence climb as she recognized the humour. A glimmer of a past self-awakened. "Kate, let me try this without making nonsense of it." Propping a pillow up behind her back and shuffling back into a sitting position, pulling in her knees to protect her heart, she began.

"I know you have questions about what happened that day. I've ignored them largely. I know that too. I just can't Kate. It's exhausting. It's draining. I want to tell you, because I know that you feel you need to know. But if I have to face you, look at you, well umm, I am terrified that it will destroy you. All the work we've done Sarah and I, well I'm terrified that it will be for nothing if I tell it again. Worse if I had to tell it to you."

"Caroli -" She was stopped abruptly by Caroline's left index finger pressed gently to her lips.

"Let me finish Kate, please. I promise you that this is the very best that I can offer you. This is my heart." Today was to be Caroline's first day in pre-trial investigations. Members from both sides would meet in seclusion, away from the public eye, away from press.

* * *

It was mounting to be one of the area's most publicized trials in decades, and despite attempts to maintain privacy for herself, and her family, Kate was constantly followed by reporters and gazed upon by onlookers as she attempted to go about her daily routine. Lawrence was spending less and less time in extracurricular activity, and Will returned home from Oxford every weekend to ensure that all were safe and sound. They both wanted it over for the sake of their family, but Caroline was known in Harrogate, and people had died that day. Their beloved Sulgrave Heath had been wounded, people were confused, grieving, looking for justice, not just for themselves but for those that had been there.

Caroline had spent just under three full months in psychiatric therapy under the watchful care of Dr. Sarah Durham. The courts were allowing Dr. Durham to record Caroline's recollection of her ordeal, shattered pieces of memory randomly recalled in a series of disjointed sentences, pieces that spanned over years, over two full decades. Their entire conversations would have to be submitted as court's evidence, ensuring that Caroline's statements had not been coerced, directed in any way. But today, in a conference room, in an unnamed hotel at an unpublished location, Sarah would read aloud, on Caroline's behalf a statement that they had prepared together, completed late last night. The two women had sat at the Harrogate home's dining room table while Kate washed up after a lovely dinner, enjoying a last glass of wine and reviewing the statement one last time before tomorrow's meeting.

"Caroline I need you to remember that you are among friends tomorrow. There will be nobody at tomorrow's meeting that can do any more harm than has already been done. By this time tomorrow you will have rounded a corner. Speaking with your barrister earlier today the consensus is that once this statement is entered into evidence the opposing parties will gladly enter guilty pleas."

Kate was doing her best not to eavesdrop, while attempting to remain close enough to provide at least a modicum of unspoken moral support. Olivia, happy to wait chair side for Caroline to peer her way, to reach out and run a devoted hand through her tangled hair, or caress a cinnamon sketched cheek. Olivia and Caroline had a special bond, and at this very moment Kate recognized in Caroline's face that same sense of trust and dependence for her therapist that Olivia had for her mothers. Caroline hung on Sarah's every word, an expression of naive acceptance on her face. Kate was beyond grateful for Sarah's role in Caroline's life during her hospitalization, and even now that Caroline was back at home.

* * *

"Come with me Kate." She asked again. "Take the day, Gavin will understand. He'd expect it actually."

"All right then." It had been all she'd wanted, to have a fair understanding of the world that Caroline now navigated. This morning however, as the time grew closer she wasn't quite confident.

"If you sit to one side of me, Sarah to the other, I won't have to look at you, nor you me. But when it's said and done I'll not have to tell it, not again Kate. Not ever." They laid in silence for another while, Kate pulling the sheet up over what now felt like her exposed flesh.

"Turn over." Caroline whispered. She had laid back down next to Kate, resting her head on her elbow, Kate shifting her own body now facing away from the beautiful woman that held her heart.

"O.K?" For a moment Kate thought her beautiful Caroline was too afraid to gaze upon her during their lovemaking, that maybe it would take some time, again, to find that place, where they become lost in each other. But that was not it at all.

"You asked me to show you...w w ah what turns me on." Finger tips walking their way up Kate's thigh, over hip, an arm around a waist. Caroline. Pulling her in. Her lips finding that very spot where shoulder melts into neck. Hand open over breast, never really closing, teasing, loving. Kate could feel herself disappearing. This was the gateway that pulled them into sleep each night, and the portal that drew that them back to wakefulness each morning.

"This Kate. You. Just like this. Me working to surround you, engulf you, completely. The back of you Kate, folded into me. Completely. I can touch all of you this way. Feel, all of you. This is the thing, the point of no return, always, for me. This is more than a beginning, it's everything."

Kate had vanished. For the first time in months she was tumbling into Caroline, her Caroline. Her skin, her hands, her lips, her eyes. It was familiar yet unfamiliar, kind yet angry, joyful yet painful. All of it laying itself here. This day, this morning, Caroline pulled her back in, called her name, whispered the words Kate had been waiting to hear. "Put me back together Kate." Their lovemaking resurrected from its hiding place meekly accepting its new name, acknowledging the sacrifices Caroline had made, and then placing them to rest only as memory of what they once had. "Kate? No matter what you think, what you may hear today, I need you to know something."

Kate raised herself from that place, halfway between wake and sleep, the place she would always tumble to after their lovemaking. "What is it?"

"You must never, ever, think that anything that we do here, in our home, in our bed, resembles in any way anything that has happened…" Caroline felt a sob escape Kate's body, and she realised it was the first time Kate had cried, in front of her anyway, since the attack. Kate had always tried to protect Caroline, from everything.

"From the second I saw his face Kate, I took what you and I have and drove into the deepest corner of my heart, protected, safeguarded against whatever was going to come my way. I promised myself with every breath Kate that I would give none of it away. It was the thing that kept me sane. So don't cry for us Kate, we're right here. We will always be here."

* * *

Olivia's laughter came vibrating through the walls and into their bedroom breaking their silence. It was loud enough to bring the whole family to laughter.

Kate rose from their bed. "I guess that's my cue to rescue Lawrence."

"You'd better put something on." Caroline chuckled as she made her way to the closet.

"You think you're fairly humorous, don't you?

"YUP!"

"You'd best decide what you're going to wear today, and begin getting ready." Kate couldn't hide the happiness in her voice.

Caroline Elliot had always chosen her shoes first. Rule One - Shoes make the woman.


	2. Chapter 2 - Hello Harrogate

Despite her overwhelming claustrophobic tendencies, that could persistently haunt Caroline Elliot's every breath, she sensed that she may actually enjoy this office. As snug as it was it held great potential. Certainly it was in need of a tidy, a primping maybe, even a painting when time and budget permitted, but nothing too priggish - a trip on the weekend through antique row would turn all to fine. It deserved a touch of Caroline - something mid-century modern, perhaps. Clean lines, some flush fabric and a few pieces of art announcing _Dr. Caroline Elliot_ to each and every individual who dared to darken her door. A chuckle escapes her lips, taking with it a realisation of how over dignified and domineering her last thought had been.

She was beyond exhausted, straining through sleep studded eyes to see the display of her mobile resting on the seat next to her, watching the time. Languor turned to elation as she turned off Broadcroft Drive to see her name clearly etched on the entry pylon for Sulgrave Heath Independent School. She'd been in the previous weekend, but only to place a stationary order and ensure that she had all of the needed, files, pens, paperclips and passwords. The office cleaned to her satisfaction she slid the desk into a preferred location, near the window, and made room for a "proofing" table. A spot to transition the piles of paperwork that would require her undivided attention, after of course, she'd attended to the piles that required her immediate attention.

Today, Dr. Caroline Elliot entered her new charge, armed with nothing more than a hand bag and an office key, her vehicle flush to the roof with crates and cartons that she could systematically tote in throughout the week as needed. By 7am she had toured the halls, taken in the old familiar scents and sounds of Sulgrave, created mental maps to the locations she would need to access most, and strangely enough, lit the fireplace in her office - odd behaviour she thought, but then again it was the dead of winter. She was grateful to be starting her tenure at the beginning of spring term. The school year was already in mid swing and the remaining months until summer break would provide her time to get to know her staff and settle in to a routine of sorts.

The Christmas holiday was a horrible time to move a family. Caroline and John had purchased their new Victorian home in the early fall and allowed for renovations to take place prior to moving their two boys and her mum in. The extended family had landed just in time to erect a tree on Christmas Eve, open a bottle of wine and enjoy the freshly falling snow in a garden that Caroline could have only dreamed of.

John had been particularly attentive in the past two weeks, and after the boys had headed to their new rooms the couple headed to their own bedroom to enjoy a late evening 'comfortable exchange', immediately after which John fell into a deep slumber. Caroline promptly jumped out of bed, headed to the ensuite for a long hot shower, and then down to her study for a full night of scheduling. She was jolted from concentration by the whistle of the kettle. Her eldest, William, peered around the corner with that beautiful boyish smile, bright green eyes, red curls propped upon his brilliant head.

"You o.k. Mum?"

"I'm fine dear. Just a bit wound. Thought I'd use my powers for good, not toss and turn uselessly. What has you up?" She loved this boy like nothing else. William held a place in Caroline's heart that she could explain to nobody.

"Same really. Care to curl up with some Dickens and cocoa?"

"I'd love to." Methodically rolling her prized pewter pen across the mahogany desktop. She was quick to join her son in their beautifully renovated kitchen. Not yet over the newness of it all, the shine of the glossed ebony facings and counter tops in deep contrast to the stark white walls, she was pleased with the clean modern lines against the restored pine floors. If you knew Caroline Elliot well, you knew that a cup of cocoa could never be just a cup of cocoa.

* * *

Caroline had drifted - perched on the arm of the couch in her own office; pulled back to reality by a friendly yet still unfamiliar voice, accompanied by a light tap to the inner door of her office.

"Dr. Elliot?"

"Yes." Caroline turned her head slightly, allowing herself to be heard while not taking her eyes off the fire she'd lit only an hour ago. The image of Will beginning to fade from her mind's eye. She'd never known herself to be so easily preoccupied. There was something about this old building, this sleepy town that calmed her angst_._ She felt safe here, she'd come home.

Then, as though a light had been turned on, she stood, raising herself on a set of long beautiful stems, navy linen dress cut just above the knee, topped with a burgundy blazer cropped to accentuate her full yet toned curves. She'd felt that school colours were the appropriate choice for her first full day, turned, put out her hand and plainly stated, "You, must be Beverley."

Beverly was dumbfounded at the silent stoic beauty that radiated from this woman. Her reputation had apparently preceded her in emails and rumours, but her pictures certainly had not done her justice. And those heels, how was the woman ever to walk. The thought had no more than crossed her mind when the new Head Teacher turned on both and strode over to her desk, looked up, and with a kind yet firm tone asked "Could we put the kettle on, its damned cold in this place Beverly? Shall we have a cup and get to know each other?" The two women chatted for over an hour.

It was five past nine when Caroline headed back out to her vehicle, parked in a temporary staff spot designated for deliveries, which in theory was exactly what she was using it for. She'd had the forethought to raise the gate electronically before leaving her office, hopefully allowing herself time to dash, grab and bolt back into the building. She was sure this residing chill that she could not seem to shake was just fatigue, but none the less was still too lazy to put her coat back on.

* * *

Kate McKenzie, like many of the staff had taken her time this morning making her way into Sulgrave, stopping en route at her favourite tea shop for a cup and a biscuit to go. She'd parked in her usual spot, not too close yet not too far - just far enough to catch some fresh air before her daily routine. Day one of spring term saw staff only on campus, and the first of term teachers' assembly. Kate wasn't looking forward to this term. This was the third Head Teacher that Sulgrave had seen in just as many school years, and each change of chair meant a change of routine for teachers. Attempting to juggle books, lunch, tea and a somewhat slippery lot was work enough, but add to this the site of two remarkably well toned legs leaning into the back of a van, and there it was, down she went - with a squeal of course.

Caroline heard the misplaced noise and immediately pulled her head out of the back end of the vehicle turning to see a shaken and somewhat shamed woman attempting to collect both herself and her belongings, tea steaming up from the frozen parking lot.

"My God are you alright?" Rushing over to give the woman a hand.

"I'm just fine." The woman sighed. "My ego on the other hand, is badly off I'm afraid."

"Let me help," Caroline bending to collect the fallen supplies and lunch bag."

"No really I'm fine. Why is that women like you can prance about in three inch heels, on glare ice, to no avail, and women like me can barely crawl our way across a parking lot?"

"Just lucky I guess." Caroline smirked, pulling her dress back down to knee length upon standing again. "Here you are," passing the belongings back. "Now do be careful." Turning then, and sticking her head back into the van to resume her search.

Kate was left once again glaring at the legs, and backside, of the object which had caused the trouble in the first place. _"Dear Lord"_ she thought, _"thank goodness I'm_ _not having to glare at that day in and day out; I'd be an absolute disaster."_ Kate looked at her watch, realising that assembly was about to begin in twenty minutes, and if she were have to the ancient organ warm and ready for the staff choir she'd best get moving.

Suddenly realising that she'd not introduced herself Caroline quickly turned back round out of the boot - hand out, surprised that the woman had quickly disappeared. _"Humph"-_ she thought _"that was fast",_ then pulled the gate down with some effort, given that the dress was actually a touch shorter than she remembered. Gown in hand she'd be ready for her first staff assembly in no time. Glancing at the cap, she thought better of it - opened the gate again and tossed the distasteful headpiece back into the vehicle.

* * *

Caroline stands outside of the glassed assembly doors, hands soaked in anticipation._ "Another first"_ she thought. She'd have to remind herself to keep this incessant need for dramatic change under wraps_."I'm getting far too old for all this excitement."_ Then suddenly the strike of the organ breaks through her thoughts, overwhelmingly oppressive as it aspirates its intoxicating intonations throughout the building, pulsating through her as they pass. Physically taken by the sound, by the choir as they work their way into the waves cord by cord. She would remember this brilliant day – this moment. Stayed in contemplation of the second verse she drags open one enormously bulking door and heads down the assembly main aisle for what would be the first of many solitary parades. Caroline Elliot does love tradition.

She was two thirds of the way down the aisle when her eyes locked onto the organist. It was the woman from the parking lot. Caroline recognized the twinge, that feeling that would periodically present itself, unkindly and without warning, but she had trained herself to compartmentalize such things given circumstance and condition,_ "my God she IS beautiful."_

The choir felt Kate miss a chord, the director tossing a curt eye her way. Kate McKenzie never missed a chord. _"Oh God it's her."_ Like lightning the recognition draws the taste of adrenaline to the back of her throat._ "She's magnificent."_ This is going to be a very difficult year.


	3. Chapter 3 - Chemistry is Fundamental

Caroline had been asked to present an article she'd penned, for the Oxford Review of Education; _Theoretical Chemistry as Fundamental Science and the Young Mind in Education_, at the upcoming Independent Schools Symposium in Harrogate. It was only a three or so hour train ride from Oxford to Harrogate. Whilst 'home' there'd be the likelihood of a visit with her mum and dad.

"The opportunity is brilliant Mum but the timing's a bit awkward." She's split her attentions between a game of street cricket unfolding one storey below her living room window, and Madonna's _Secret_ clawing its way in whispered tones to the top of her hit list. "I present at ten o'clock in the morning, but I'd love to meet you and Dad for lunch at The Sawley Arms, say three o'clock, then hop the six o'clock train back to Oxford, same day."

"Naught even an evening for your Dad and I Caroline? Well, for me at least. I'm certain your father will find a reason to make himself scarce." Celia griped sharply through the phone. "Always too busy are You. Running back to that fiancé of yours!"

"His name is John, Mother. John Elliot. It's just so busy Mum, what with the wedding only a month away, John lecturing full time and I'm working to wrap up my Master's Degree."

"I thought you'd acquired that one already, the Master's that is." Celia was getting annoyed with the number of degrees her daughter had begun to accumulate."

"That was Chemistry mother, Theoretical Chemistry. I have my Doctorate in that as well Mum. You know this. Why are we having this discussion, again?" Caroline was sorry she'd responded to any of it. But in this case, it most certainly was a means to an end. Any subject that could divert the conversation away from "John" was, in Caroline's mind, a conversation worth having. Not that her mother had approved of anybody she'd brought home, but for some reason, after only one brief meeting, Celia and John were, well, like chalk and cheese.

"And what are we doing with that one, the Chemistry one?" Celia was of course referring to the Doctorate in Theoretical Chemistry.

"Well Mother, apparently not much; Thus the Masters in Education." Caroline wasn't feeling any safer. "I've got to go Mum. John and I have an appointment with the Vicar in just fewer than fifteen minutes and I've got to pick him up from the other side of campus. I'll see you Saturday. Bye now. Bye Bye." Celia could be heard cranking out Caroline's name, in tapering repetition, as Caroline abandoned the receiver to its cradle.

She loved John. She was sure of it. He was easy, simple, uncomplicated. But best of all he was predictable. Caroline did like predictable. She'd not really spent time around many men throughout her life and she thought, logically of course, as logically as one could in these matters that, well, as far as men went...John was a good one.

John loved Caroline. He was sure of it. She was difficult, complex, complicated. But best of all she was unpredictable. John had been around his share of women and he thought, as illogically as one could in these matters that the best thing to do would be to marry a woman who was squarely his opposite.

* * *

Dr. Grace Mitchell, Director of the Board of Governors for Sulgrave Heath had driven to Oxford to meet with Caroline. They'd got on fabulously. Dr. Mitchell herself had read Physics at Oxford and was only five to six years Caroline's senior. Caroline had read her work, been to several of her lectures, and although not willing to admit it aloud, or even to herself was more than flattered when she received a dinner invitation to discuss Caroline's potential roll as the guest speaker for this year's symposium. Annually, Head Teachers from across the country would gather to exchange best practices and philosophies in direct relation to independent education.

Caroline could recall precisely where she'd been; sipping tea in a cafe and reading the most recent edition of Cherwell, when her eyes caught a notice in the bottom right hand corner of a page. "Dr. Grace Mitchell, a Principal Lecturer of Physics, has resigned her post her at Oxford, to embark on a new, but not dissimilar career path as Head Teacher at Sulgrave Heath Independent School in Harrogate North Yorkshire. Grace will be joined in Harrogate by her husband David and their two daughters Ellen and May." Only five years later she would be elected to the seat of The Director of the Board of Governors at Sulgrave Heath.

* * *

Grace had reserved a table at one of Oxford's most prestigious restaurants, and had ordered a car to collect Caroline for their six o'clock reservation.

"I still don't understand why I wasn't invited?" John scolded loudly through the bathroom door.

"I've explained it to you already John. This is not a social dinner, this is work." Caroline had opened the door in order to have a civil conversation.

"Well you're not dressed as though its work." He'd wiggled his way into the tiny bathroom, "Might as well take a pee while I'm here."

"Oh John! Well how am I dressed then?" Annoyed, Caroline was making her way to the living room whilst addressing her earrings.

"I don't know. You're just so, so majestic." Flushing and washing his hands.

"Put the seat down John." She'd grabbed her coat from the back of the sofa and gave John a peck on the cheek as she strode for the door. She'd made it halfway down the hall, stopped, turned around, strutted back and knocked. John pulled the door immediately as though he'd been standing just on the other side the whole time. "Odd." She thought. "Two more things."

"Yes Caroline. What?"

"Shave." She leaned in, hovering just far enough away, and long enough, to make him reach for what he wanted, "...and wait up, John" If Caroline knew how to do anything, it was how to make herself wanted. She winked and then left for the waiting car.

* * *

The two women had been waiting on dessert and coffee to arrive when Grace pushed her water glass into the centre of their table, and began drawing clean, balanced half circles along the base of glass with each index finger.

"Caroline, its common knowledge that Biology has become the Central Science of the school curriculum. However in your article you argue that, in fact, it is Chemistry, in its truest form that must be elevated to its rightful status if we are expected to produce a future generation of brilliantly competent students."

"That's correct." Caroline savoured the last sip of her coffee, realising that Grace had been expecting an explanation. "I believe, well actually it's obvious, that Chemistry IS the central science. It is connected to all of the other sciences, astronomy, physics, and biology. In fact Grace, its interest lies directly between those of Biology and Physics. Every part of science has a chemical makeup. I'm sorry to disappoint."

The women broke into laughter and were entirely unaware that passers by were easily enchanted by their beauty. There was a comfort, a familiarity; that Caroline couldn't, wouldn't name. But it was lovely,just to be here, to just be Caroline. She felt, stimulated.

"Caroline? Would you like to join me for a night cap? At the hotel? In my room?" Grace had reached out to cover Caroline's hand with her own. There was no awkwardness, no pulling away, no hesitation.

"You're married Grace." Caroline's gazing down at the hand covering her own, raising and eyebrow in scepticism.

"You're engaged Caroline."

"Would you really do that? To your husband? To your girls? To me?" As she asked the last question she felt Grace's hand pull away, her eyes making the room looking for the waiter. "I couldn't do it to John. It's not that I wouldn't want to do it...or am not flattered, but well, No, I'm sorry No."

"My apologies Caroline. You are just that enchanting, that brilliant and, that beautiful. I suppose I forgot where I was for a moment, please do forgive me." The embarrassment in her face was clearly evident. Signing the check and pushing her chair back at the same time Grace rose from the table and motioned for Caroline to find her way to the coat room.

The two women stood, waiting, shoulder to shoulder, worlds apart, staring into the silent, transparent, self reflected images boring back through the restaurant doors. Caroline's image was the first to be broken by the nose of the arriving taxi.

"I am so very much looking forward to having you speak at Sulgrave next week, Dr. Dawson. You've a brilliant career ahead." Grace leaned over and placed an unassuming kiss on Caroline's right cheek. "John is a very fortunate man." At that she opened the door and made her way to the waiting car, leaving Caroline standing in the lobby.

* * *

Caroline coaxed her key from the apartment door lock, entered, and kicked it closed behind her. The apartment was in complete darkness. Groping her away along the kitchen wall she opened the refrigerator door, illuminating the room, allowing her to spot a nearby light switch.

"John?" There was an empty scotch bottle on the coffee table keeping company with a pizza box of the same status.

Peeling off her heels, and tossing her coat at the rack she made her way toward the bathroom leaving an obvious trail of fabric behind her. John was nowhere to be found.

Leaning back, steaming hot water beating against the top of her head, Caroline's tears became invisible. She remained there, naked, vulnerable, for minutes, the back of her hand caressing her right cheek only once. " Oh John."


	4. Chapter 4 - Spectacles and Sirens

"_**Nobody's going to be mean to me...**_

_**I won't let them. Believe me,**_

_**I can handle mean."**_

* * *

"What is happening here exactly Caroline?" Kate asked, admiring the lengthy image in the mirror as she applied her eye shadow, turning to lean against the sink whilst awaiting an answer, arms crossed, curious. "Have I, in the just less than three years I've known you, ever seen you wear trousers to work?"

"No, I don't suppose you have." Caroline replied with a smirk. "BUT, if you do recall - just last year, on Athletic Day, you did get to see me with my skirt hitched up a touch high whilst attempting to straddle a bicycle at one of the events. And if memory serves correctly, you also laughed, with more than a bit too much enjoyment, at the photographs that somehow made their way into the weekend edition of the Harrogate Advisor. Photographs I might add that then led to a series of phone calls from members of the Board of Governors, AND I might add again, a rather lengthy tongue lashing from none other than the glorious Past President herself Dr. Grace Mitchell, in person, at the next Board of Governors meeting. In front of the entire board she specifically made reference to middle aged women inappropriately bearing their lace knickers in public, and then tossed a copy of the article into the middle of the table for all eyes to gaze upon. It was devastating Kate."

"If it helps any, I like your lace knickers." She'd turned back to complete the job. "That woman does have you in her sights Caroline Elliot. What did you ever do to create such animosity?" Kate knew the answer to the question, but loved to banter it about none the less. She was making her way cautiously to where Caroline stood in the centre of the room. "Now there's a face that I've not seen in a while - Is that smug stirred in with a bit of guilt?"

"Nope, just biting my tongue, from the rumours that the wind originally blew my way, you've apparently done more to Grace Mitchell than I have; a conversation that we may want to finish some evening over a couple bottles of wine." Caroline pulled her close and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "We are after all on our own this evening, well but for You Know Who." Tilting her head toward the tiny toddler perched in the centre of their bed.

Kate choked out a chuckle. "They have a marriage of convenience Caroline."

"Yes, but you didn't. What about Richard?"

"Caroline! We've had this conversation."

She could see annoyance building on Kate's face and it was clear in her voice. "My apologies, sorry, right. Not my business." Smug but fun.

Caroline plunked herself dramatically onto the bed next to tiny Olivia who had managed to surround herself with various pillows and toys and was gazing approvingly from within.

"What do you think Liv?" The outfit of course was still brilliantly feminine yet understated; tan wool trousers and matching jacket. She'd deliberately chosen a sheer blouse in moss green and of course the ensemble was built around a pair of brown pat n leather block heeled boots.

"Cookie" Replied Olivia confidently.

"Fair enough, I'll take that as a compliment." Caroline chuckled, reaching out and poking the little package in the tummy, soliciting a tiny giggle as it always did. The two adored each other, and Kate was keenly aware that they'd developed a unique bond, spoke a non-verbal language that only the two of them truly understood. They may not have been bound by blood, but they were bound by a brilliant chemistry that Kate was baffled by.

Friday mornings with Caroline were a dream. It was like dawn breaking after a long winter's night. Their life had become filled with kindness and laughter and routine. It was easy. But Caroline's weekdays could be filled with an intensity that Kate had really never understood until this last month. Sulgrave, Celia and Alan, Lawrence, Gillian, John and lately even William and Caroline's trips to and from Oxford and the emotional turmoil that accompanied all of it. It had made her angry in a way, isolated her. Kate could see the exhaustion burning just below the surface, the frustration, the hurt. She cut the list short in her head.

But Fridays, Fridays lifted her mood, revealed the real Caroline, brought the calm after the storm, and Friday mornings were always the introduction to Friday evenings. When Olivia arrived Caroline committed whole heartedly to shutting off all things Sulgrave Heath after six o'clock on Friday evenings.

"Can you help me with these bloody cufflinks? I can't see details any longer and I've got to get a move on." Following Kate back toward the bathroom where she had sublimely collected herself. Caroline in complete love with Kate – always, would follow her anywhere.

"I thought you'd an appointment for your eyes this afternoon? Late."

"What's today?" She's now searching for her mobile.

"October 9th Caroline, Friday."

"No, the appointment's Friday next, the 16th."

"And for what it's worth, Richard and I were long over when Grace Mitchell invited me into her...office." Kate teased. The two women broke into laughter and then... "I think your little sidekick over there may have an idea of where to find your spectacles."

Caroline turned to observe Olivia proudly sporting her reading glasses and holding a book upside down, reading gibberish aloud. Realising she was being watched she proudly announced. "Mumma C."

"Alright then, both of you. We're off Miss Priss." Caroline had begun to pull away just as Kate was finishing up with the last cuff. "I'll drop her at nursery on the way in, if you can retrieve her afterward. I've got a four o'clock with Beverly and a dreadfully late five thirty with Gavin."

"Why so late with Gavin? Odd?"

"Typically odd, yes, but today's outdoor events require my uninterrupted attendance and if I back out of our weekly meeting it'll result in twice the agenda next Friday, thus five thirty. I will be home directly after six though." Olivia still sporting her new eyewear and now propped up on her mom's hip, Caroline leaned in to Kate for a last kiss before heading down the stairs. "I love you. I do so love you." She was out the bedroom door and down the stairs.

"I love you." Kate stood at the top of the stairs listening to Caroline struggle to get Olivia ready for the car, pulling on her own coat, searching for her bag and then her keys. She listened to hear Caroline release the breath she'd been holding and then laugh, door open.

"Don't forget her bag." Kate reminded.

"Jesus!" Caroline barked.

* * *

Alan pushed his way to the nurse's station seeking guidance.

"My wife and I, our...our daughter in law, our grandson, we're waiting on arrival from Sulgrave. We've been told that our Caroline has been delivered here. Can you tell us?" Alan saw the dread in the woman's eyes, glancing back over his shoulder to find where Celia had been gathered to.

"Your name sir?"

"Buttershaw, Alan Buttershaw. Our Caroline is Elliot, Dr. Caroline Elliot. Please, something."

"Mr. Buttershaw we've had six arrivals from Sulgrave but I promise none of them have been Caroline Elliot. I will have somebody here to speak with your family in only moments. This event has been such a tragedy, I am sorry that it has touched your family." She reached for the phone in front of her and hit only one number, grabbed the receiver so as not to expose Alan to any unnecessary conversation. "Can you let Dr. Durham know that the family of Caroline Elliot has arrived? I'll move them to the family room for her."

"Six arrivals? What six arrivals? What event? We were having drinks when doorbell rang. Were police." Alan began to feel his chest tighten.

Kate had taken Celia and Lawrence to a nearby waiting area. Her body riddled in dread. Celia had sat in silence in the police vehicle on the way over, not a word, not a peep since nearly fainting upon hearing that there had been an accident. Her skin had turned to ash. She pulled her hand away when Kate reached to comfort her and now sat breathless next to Lawrence, the handsome Lawrence who was now riveted to the television screen, staring at a not so recent publicity photo of his mum. He was distracted only by the sound of Gillian's voice as she made her way to Kate to relieve her of Olivia?

"What's happening?" Gillian asked, her voice rattling with pain.

"We don't know?" Tears had begun to roll down Kate's face. "I know nothing, we know nothing. Alan and Celia and I were opening a bottle of wine when the doorbell rang. It was the police." Her hands visibly shaking as she passed Olivia over to Gillian. The toddler had now begun to wail uncontrollably sensing her mother's distress.

"Horrible thing." A middle aged woman propped across from Lawrence announced.

Kate sat herself down next to Lawrence and took his hand. She looked up to see Caroline's face along with the faces of the school Bursar, two security guards, night custodian and Edward Lawson, head of Languages. The newscaster was reporting at least five dead at the hand of a lone gunman.

"First accounts reported are claiming that the man would have made it on to the school grounds at approximately four thirty. He would have then worked to find his way across campus eventually releasing one hostage and then barricading himself and Sulgrave's Head Teacher, Dr. Caroline Elliot, in the Headteacher's office for over an hour before he was seen leaving the grounds prior to first responders arriving on sight."

A photograph of the accused gunman appeared on screen; a recently released convict from the Oxford area; The Oxford rapist from the mid-1990s, Robert Duncan. "His connection to the Harrogate area upon release is not yet known." The vehicle license number and description were then posted below the photograph. "We would ask that any person with information leading to his location would please contact the authorities immediately."

Kate released a sob, "What is happening? Where is she?" the face on the screen so remarkably familiar.

Alan had made his way back to the waiting area and followed Celia's eyes to the television screen "Dear God in heaven if I didn't know better I'd say that's our Will twenty years from now."

The front doors of the ambulance bay opened bringing Gavin and Beverly. Gavin's shirt and hands covered in blood. Kate stood, moved into the corridor and waited for Gavin to approach. Beverly stopped some feet away unable to move any closer.

"They're on their way Kate." Gavin managed to half speak half whisper. He was defeated, done, and empty of anything rational. Kate saw a memory in his eyes that years would never wash away.

"What do you mean they're on their way? Where is she Gavin? What has happened to her?"

"It took some time Kate, some work, I mean some care." He managed to swallow hard but slow, inhale and then speak. "I don't think Kate that you should ..." he broke down, Alan appearing at Gavin's side.

"Tell us what you can lad."

Gavin breathed in again. "It took several tries to stabilize her Kate." He was now managing to look into her eyes - directly into her eyes, Alan's hand resting on his shoulder, grounding him, keeping him alive. "Once they'd stabilized her they then worked to move her. I don't know Kate if..."

A lone siren rose from the distant silence and somehow instinctively Kate knew it was for her. And then out of nowhere a hand came to her back, a tall figure standing beside her took her hand.

"Kate McKenzie?"

"Yes"

"I'm Dr. Sarah Durham. I specialize in trauma counselling and recovery. Do you think that you and your family would like to come with me?" She was a tall impressive woman, possibly in her mid to late forties, calm with remarkably dark yet exceptionally kind eyes. That was all that Kate heard. She struggled to hang on to those eyes for as long as she could.

The front doors opened again, a stretcher being driven in her direction. A million moments fell into her heart. It took just one sharp breath to recognize; the sheer moss green blouse, the tan jacket, the pearl cuff links. Kate's world was no longer turning. It had slowed, jerking, as though somebody had screen captured every blink, every breath. She could acknowledge that Alan and Celia, and Lawrence and Gillian were gone, had been taken away to another location. Gavin and Beverly were left broken apart not moving, knowing already what she was about to know.

Frame by frame the damage moved closer, hand on her back, Kate turning to watch the moving object appear to float by. There was nobody recognizable on that stretcher, not at first capture. This was not her Caroline, this was somebody else's Caroline, and this was somebody else's creation. She was sure she heard the rupture of her own heart, mutilating its own muscle, marking this memory, forever. Attempting to recognize, beyond the blood, the bone, the swelling, searching, longing, reaching. Kate wanted to be confused, to not know, but she would never unknow this.


	5. Chapter 5 - So Beautifully Wrapped

She arrived, fashionably late.

Deliberately.

Lightheartedness had grabbed hold early afternoon and by end of day had matured into invigoration. She'd spent the past hour systematically constructing the consummate form for her first social appearance as Dr. Caroline Elliot, Headteacher, DPhil, MEd, Suglrave Heath Independent School.

Shoes - black, lingerie - black, dress - black, belt - grey, jacket - black. Pearls. Done.

Lipstick - pink. Shadow - grey. Polish - clear.

Sensuality, Caroline had taught herself can be woven into all things that envelope her, and so on this evening she was deliberately discreet in her choices of fabric, texture, colour, sent, opacity, shape.

Enough fabric - but decidedly not too much.

Each item a brilliant arrangement of molecules, atoms each tinier than the smallest grain of sand, forming emotions of sorts - forging out of flesh what she finally observed to be a somewhat presentable physical form.

And thus - when she presented herself to Celia, John and the boys in the kitchen at five past six announcing "LATE." - The room fell silent.

"Mum!" - Will.

"Mumalicious!" - Lawrence.

"Flawless." - Celia.

"I'll get the car." - John headed toward the front door. "That was a touch overwhelming. Glorius creature." He mumbled as he stumbled for his coat.

"I'll ring you for a ride home." She'd just shifted to reach for her clutch and a small parcel in the back seat, when she felt John's hand begin to make its way up the inside of her left thigh. "Ahh I see. Curious are we?"

"Dear Lord Caroline - you've the brilliance to show yourself dressed as is, have me drop you at a function and leave me in this condition for the balance of the evening."

Momentarily forgetting that they'd just pulled into the drive of Grace Mitchell's home, and looking into her husband's eyes Caroline felt wanted, needed. She placed her hand confidently on his and continued to move it slowly up her leg, stopping just short of his intended destination - held it there. "I'll ring you for a ride home." She had moved in, her lips just inches away from his mouth, inhaling the sweet smell of liquor on his breath. "Be prompt John." She grinned and was gone.

Despite the frost in the air she had chosen not to wear an overcoat. From car to house and back again - it would be a bother. Grace and her husband lived only a block west of the Elliot home. The door opened as she landed an arrow like heel onto the front step.

"Caroline. Welcome."

"Grace. Honoured. For you." Caroline handed her the package that she'd pulled from the back seat only moments earlier. "I can't thank you enough for this evening. I've been looking forward to it all week. John sends his apologies."

"With the greatest of pleasure Caroline." Grace opened her arm in a sweeping motion, directing Caroline into the grand room, just to the left of the entrance. She placed the package on a small courier table just inside the front door and followed Caroline into the evening.

Caroline stopped in the archway. It was like gazing into a midwinters dream. The room dimmed and underscored by candle light, still decked for the holiday in silvers, greys and whites. Windows draped in gold, tables adorned in delicacies and drink alike. Caroline had arrived. This was her moment. The room had fallen near silent as she entered.

"You have a commanding presence Caroline."

"Do I Grace? Oh Dear. Well I'd best fix that hadn't I?"

"Caroline? Before you head in - I wanted to mention."

"Sure, go on? Caroline had turned, half preoccupied by the laughter and joviality that had swiftly returned to the room and was actually quite looking forward to getting to know her faculty. "What is it Grace? Something off?"

"That night. At Oxford. I wanted..."

"Long time gone Grace. Forgotten." She stepped and turned deliberately into a group of math teachers. "Caroline Elliot. You are?"

Dr. Grace Mitchell left standing alone, began to make her way through the room and up one step into the kitchen, well placed at the back of the house. From there she could oversee the entire evening.

XXXXX

Caroline Elliot consumed all beverages as though they had been created equal; water, wine, tea, scotch. This was a failing that she would have to persistently attend to, expressly on an evening such as this. Not that an evening such as this came frequently. To that note, she informed herself that this particular evening should welcome some pliancy. She then turned to the centre of the room, seeking a server.

"Ma'am? Champagne."

"Hmm yes thank you." Slipping her clutch under her arm Caroline removed one Champagne flute from the sterling silver tray offered before her - and a cocktail napkin. Turning back to continue listening to the rather desperate conversation between the Head of Languages and the Head of Music she began to drift into her own thoughts.

"Hi."

"Hello." Caroline turned, attempting to locate the person attached to the voice. "Oh Hello! Hah. Again."

"Kate McKenzie, Modern languages."

"Caroline Elliot, Kate McKenzie. It is a pleasure to actually meet you. I've been meaning to track you down, but as you can imagine the week has been a bit, shall we say - busy."

"Forceful." Kate contributed

"There it is - that's a better word."

"Sorry - habit." Kate transferred her weight from one foot to the other. She was nervous - and when she was nervous she had a tendency to sputter synonyms.

She was embarrassed; ashamed of her behaviour in the parking lot three days earlier. It was out of character that she bite back so venomously when somebody offered assistance, but she'd felt exposed - worried that the woman stooped beside her in aide had actually realised that she'd been gaping at her ... assets?

"Not a worry." Caroline smiled. Care to join me at the buffet, I've not had dinner and I'm concerned that if I don't eat, well this singular glass of champagne may be the end of what is poised to be a very enjoyable evening."

"Sure." They headed toward the canapé table. Kate floundered. "I wanted to apologize for the other morning. I was curt - you were being helpful. I do apologize."

Caroline passed Kate a plate and napkin. "Apologize? I was rude. I didn't even introduce myself. Arrogant don't you think? You should know, I can be that. Happens when I get a bit preoccupied or anxious. You may want to sound the clarion call to the masses. 'Headteacher - boorish, pithy even surly when absorbed.' Which I must share, based on this week's capacity may be consistently always."

They were halfway down the table, Caroline inexplicably placing hors d'oeuvres on both their plates.

"Redundant."

"Oh My God. I am sorry! I have sons. It's become habit. Oh dear. Would you like me...I can put them back. Good Lord Caroline what are doing?"

"No, no. That's fine - their fine. Fine choices really."

"What's redundant then?" Caroline, almost panicked.

"Oh yes, sorry. 'Consistently, always.' could be, construed as redundant."

"I can see I'm going to have to mind myself around you Kate McKenzie."

"Kate. Please, just call me Kate."

"O.K. Kate, shall we find a spot to sit?"

The two women managed to win two wing backed chairs tucked into a corner just off the edge of the kitchen. They had been recently abandoned by two rather largely men who Caroline recognized from an Athletics' department meeting earlier in the week. She noted that the shorter one had winked at Kate as he left the room.

"How many sons?"

"Hmm - two." Caroline covered her mouth with the back of her hand, realising she'd answered the question with a mouth full. Something she never did in public. She was feeling a touch unguarded, light, comfortable.

"Husband?"

"Yup. You?"

"No - divorced."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be. Best really, for all. Is he here? Your husband."

"John? Noooo. He's got his own little thing at the University this evening. He lectures - at Leeds."

"Ahh, I see."

"The chap, that just left, is he?"

"Nooo! I don't know what that was." They laughed.

Grace appeared, carrying a tray of champagne. "Ladies?"

Caroline detected an air of annoyance in her voice, but captured a full flute just the same.

"Well it's been a pleasure Caroline, and thank you for the plate, and the company." Kate stood, rubbing her palms on her thighs nervously as she left.

"She's lovely." Caroline pointed out to Grace.

"Hmm, enjoying the evening?"

"I am Grace. I'm having a tremendous time, I am truly indebted. I should mingle some more though shouldn't I?" She was off.

The evening wore on, not incredibly late, but late enough. Caroline could feel the sensation that each glass of champagne brought, pulling her closer and closer to contentment, and closer and closer to the lavatory.

On her return to the party she paused to admire the group, the sounds, the laughter, the singing had begun and she realised for the second time this week, she was home. Harrogate was home. Her heart was here, she was here. It was here that she would remain. A tear fell. She reached into her clutch for a tissue. Nothing.

"Here you are."

"Kate. You are handy to have aren't you?"

"You alright? You're crying?"

"Happy. Grateful really. Fortunate." She felt herself having to lean. The room wasn't moving just yet, but it was putting in an effort. "You're quite tall."

"Am I?" Kate asked, amused - and well aware of what she was dealing with.

"I believe so."

"Empirical or subjective?"

"I believe both."

"How so?" Now this was fun.

"Well I know how tall I am; add to that three inches for this heel." She'd bent her left leg up behind her which left her wobbling slightly on a well chiseled calf. "You're wearing that lovely little Mary Jane, with no heel and I'm gazing upward to maintain eye contact, therefore you're tall. Empirically speaking."

"And subjectively?" Kate felt she could play at this all night. This was beautiful.

"Well subjectively. If I had to assist you in apprehending that liberated lock of hair that has made its way out from behind you ear and to your cheek, well I'd have to reach up to do so."

"Would you?"

"I would." Caroline suddenly became confused. Was she being asked if she would have to reach up to assist, or was she being asked if in fact she would be willing to...assist?

And so it appeared. Again. The sensation that would present itself. Unannounced. Unabashed. Customarily controllable due to circumstance and condition of course.

She knew the rules. She was the architect.

She acknowledged, chose to remain, in this moment, tantalized by the banter and the play.

Stimulated, entertained and engaged.

It was exquisite, appetizing, tempting, enticing.

She knew her boundaries, what to keep. What to give away.

"I should call John." Caroline reached into her clutch, captured her mobile and waited. Voicemail. She left a quick message and tucked the device back into her bag. "I'll give him some time."

"Why Chemistry?"

"What?"

"Why Chemistry?" Kate repeated.

"Ah Yes. Well its fundamental isn't it?"

"That's you! I understand now."

"What's me?"

"The article."

"What article?" The pitch and the tempo of Caroline's voice had picked up.

"The article. By Dr. Caroline Dawson."

"What are you taking about?"

Kate broke into laughter. "The article that Grace makes every new faculty member read when they sign on at Sulgrave."

"Oh Dear Lord! Bloody Hell Kate, I was 27 when I wrote that damned article."

"Shhh, keep your voice down. She'll know I informed you. It's good."

"It's middling." Caroline barked and then an awkward silence. "John's the writer in the family. Not me."

"Ahh I see."

"I should try him again." Caroline cast another feeble attempt to reach John on his mobile. Embarrassment had begun to set in and Kate remained by her side.

"Can I help?"

"No its fine. He's probably on his way back from Leeds and his mobile is likely in his bag."

"Drink?"

"Yup."

The two women made their way to the bar.

"For you?" Kate asked.

"Scotch please"

Kate furrowed her brow and smiled. "I'll have a white wine for myself please, and a scotch for my lovely friend here."

They laughed and leaned waiting on their spirits.

The crowd had changed and Grace was just fine with what remained. She loved a good affair, and had built a reputation for throwing some of the best in Harrogate.

"Favourite read?" Kate thought it best to keep Caroline occupied.

"Easy - Antoine Lavoisier's _Elements of Chemistry_, yours?"

Kate was now laughing hysterically. "You must be able to do better than that."

"I fail to see the humour in that Ms. McKenzie. The man is responsible for discovering the role of oxygen within the combustion process. He identified and labelled both oxygen and hydrogen and wrote the first complete list of elements. The book is without question brilliant."

Kate could sense both irritation and humour in Caroline's voice.

"Dare I ask?" Caroline asked coolly, handing over Kate's glass of wine as the two women headed back to where the conversation had begun.

"Fernando Pessoa's _The Book of Disquiet." _Kate responded shyly, attempting to push the toe of her shoe into the cherry hardwood floors.

"Don't know it." Caroline replied respectfully taking a long draw from her glass. They stopped - facing each other - carelessly close.

"You should." Kate responded slowly and kindly.

"Should I?"

"'_Could it think, the heart would stop beating_.' Pessoa."

Silence.

Kate was looking directly into her soul. And Caroline, for the second time this evening chose to remain, in the moment, here.

…and then...

"I should go."

"I can drive you."

"Would you please?"

The ride home felt endless. Caroline was at a loss for words and Kate was kind and clever enough to not make an attempt at conversation. They made their way up the drive.

"He's not home. It's one thirty."

"You've got a key?"

"Mm hmm." Caroline turned and lightly rested her right hand on Kate's left leg. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Pulling back on the main road Kate's thoughts were both lucid and sympathetic; "Who on earth would tie themself up that tight, bound seductively in linens and silks, pearls and perfume, and heels that tantalized legs into forever - unless they were binding up emotions that ran far too deep for far too long. Nobody, but nobody, wraps a parcel that beautifully unless there is a wish for it to be unwrapped."

* * *

John arrived home late Saturday morning.

John left early Saturday afternoon, belongings in tow.

As Caroline drove past the Mitchell house on her way to work early Monday morning, she was certain that it was Kate McKenzie's car she saw parked well into the drive.


	6. Chapter 6 - He Was A Big Bloke

"_He was a big bloke, not that it'd take a big bloke. He pinned her down, and she couldn't do anything - so she just took it - because she had to."_

"_It's control, its power, why do they ever? Ah, he was a bully, he was a prick; he was just an inadequate prick."_

* * *

"Well!" Caroline Dawson declared wholly to her very own four walls. "Six o'clock Friday evening. Splendid."

One could assume that this statement amounted to absolutely nothing, since it was made to absolutely no one; by her own standards however, this made for the perfect evening.

Caroline Dawson had found her way.

Doctorate of Philosophy, weeks away from completing her second Master's Degree, this one – Education; all the while finalizing plans for her upcoming marriage to Mr. John Elliot. John was himself a scholar, claimed a fair wage lecturing three to four days a week, and frequently saw the publication of his short stories in both national and international periodicals. She was pleased with the direction that her life was taking.

"You can't drink nearly as much Cab, save as you can a good Pinot." Caroline declared to the wanton stack of booklets teetering precariously on the double bed. "So why on earth would I choose you as a companion my beloved Cabernet Sauvignon? Because you my dear friend will take me to the place I need to go far sooner than my ol' reliable Pinot Noir." She was celebrating.

Her day on campus had ended deliberately early - 2pm. John was headed out for the evening with colleagues, on the promise that he'd be able to get her to the train station for 5:30 am. She could care less if he were out all night, so long as he was back here by five tomorrow morning. This would leave just enough time to get across town to Botley Road, purchase her ticket and board comfortably, in a seat removed from as many passengers as possible. Her intent was to review her presentation in the three and one half hour trip to Harrogate. It was, after all, six o'clock on a Saturday morning. Students typically travelled on Friday evenings or after eleven on Saturday mornings. She was looking forward to the quiet trip.

Caroline removed her day bag from the top shelf in the hall closet. She had decided on this very day, in collaboration with her new friend Cab, that from this day forward, when choosing an outfit, she would always choose her shoes first. It would provide each new day with a well-grounded beginning, a starting point. Today was the inaugural run.

Black pumps, grey tweed suit, white blouse, grey hose...simple to start our Caroline was.

Conservative.

She was after all a guest, and a celebrated graduate of her beloved Sulgrave Heath. She folded the outfit with aid, reviewed her necessities, and packed a casual outfit for lunch out with mum and dad, and of course her Doctoral robe. She made her way into the living room, carefully choosing a piece of fiction from the shelf for her ride back tomorrow evening. Topped the satchel with the booklets, copies of the article she was presenting, and moved the bag to the floor.

Caroline Dawson was meticulous in all things; it kept her safe, allowed for accomplishment in all undertakings. She'd learned in her first Year University that attempting to take the road less travelled led only to heart breaking misery and grief. It was better safe and content then vulnerable and exposed. Looking back now she was actually more relieved by her change of heart than not. Her mum had been right. What would have become of her - truly?

She made her way to the kitchen, drew the last bit of wine from her glass. Corked what remained in the bottle, and acknowledged that she was, if nothing else, pleasantly drunk. Stringing her bag across her chest, she grabbed her keys from the counter and headed out the door for an evening stroll to her favourite curry house. What a dazzling day this had turned out to be.

As she headed down the block Caroline acknowledged that she was not so naive as to be blinded by the politics of Dr. Grace Mitchell's choice of guest speakers for this year's National Independent Schools Symposium. Inviting a Sulgrave graduate and post-doctoral fellow in Theoretical Chemistry from Oxford University was a well calculated manoeuvre. Caroline's presence would add nothing but credence to Heath's already well established reputation. But more than this, it would attract some the best new minds in education from around Great Britain.

It was typical that Head Teachers from each and every reputable Independent School attended annually. This year however, Grace had enhanced the integrity of the event. She had provided each Head Teacher with the opportunity to bring along one junior faculty member, someone demonstrating a brilliance for the future. She was uncommonly serious about education. It was her intention to line the halls of Sulgrave with the best educators the future had to offer. Expanding the symposium and endeavouring to entertain leading junior educators would allow her to fill any current voids in Heath's faculty roster as well as succession plan for the near, and distant, future. Caroline admired Grace's subtle calculations.

Arriving at her destination a young woman directed her to her usual table in a corner nearest the window and furthest from the door. Caroline made a quick choice, passed the menu back to the server and sat gazing at the setting sun. Her mind wandered back to that evening only weeks ago when the two women had enjoyed a delightful exchange of science, and theory, philosophy and process.

Caroline's life choices had taught her to value the privacy of thought. Her mental musings in regards to her own sexuality she shared with no one. And on this quiet evening, in early May, she compared her conversation from that delicious dinner spent with Dr. Grace Mitchell to her daily discussions with John.

Heart skips a beat.

She can feel her throat closing in, becoming light headed.

"Ms. Dawson. Your dinner?"

"Ahh, thank you so very much." Caroline was grateful for the break in her inner dialogue.

Curry conquered, she found her way home for a hot shower and an early slumber.

* * *

Water graciously working away at her back, hands braced against the tiled wall Caroline allowed the world to melt away.

"May I join you?" Startled, she turned to see John standing at the shower door in his underwear.

"You're early. Of course you may join me. Knickers off though sir." She couldn't help but smile at his clear intention. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough." He laughed, stepping into the shower. John sometimes regretted that his arousal in Caroline's presence manifested in such a readied expression.

"Hi." She was glad he'd come home. She wrapped her arms around his neck and turned him around affording him the opportunity to revel in the hot pulsing sensation of the shower.

"Happy to see me?" She laughed, running shampoo through his jet black hair.

"Couldn't help yourself huh?"

"Nope." Still chuckling, she reached for the tap with one hand and grabbed the towel she'd draped over the door with the other.

Wrapping herself neatly she headed for the bedroom, not convinced John was following she turned back, gripped the door frame, leaned in and whispered just loud enough. "I can with help with that situation."

* * *

"John promise me you'll be here promptly at nine fifty. I dread standing out here in the dark alone."

"Not to worry, I 'll be waiting when you arrive. Please promise you'll do that thing again tonight, that you did last..."

"Oh John, really?" A kiss on the cheek and she was gone.

Caroline loved the train. It was easy. The rhythm of movement, flashes of colour, the freedom of travel. Settled in with a cup of tea and toast, she began to prepare for the morning's event.

* * *

Sulgrave was magnificent as always. The halls looked the same, smelled the same, memories tossing her back in time. She was challenged to believe that it'd actually been almost ten years since she'd darkened the doors of this institution.

It was brilliant to see Gavin again. It'd been too long. They graduated here - together, she was elated that he was now on faculty at Heath. She regretted not keeping in touch more closely.

"My God Caroline - you're radiant. Gavin had always loved Caroline, her impressiveness, her brilliance, her form. "Life is treating you well?"

She'd just donned her robe and tucked her lecture notes into the inner pocket, passing the published booklets over to Gavin for distribution to those who may ask for a copy afterward.

"It is, Gavin. When did you move back?"

"Late fall. Beginning of spring term. It's brilliant Caroline. Have you thought about coming back, to teach here, at Sulgrave?"

They were headed down the hall toward the Main Assembly.

"Not really Gavin, no. I think Harrogate would be a bit claustrophobic for John and I if you understand my point."

"Mum and Dad?" He chuckled.

"Mum and Dad." She grinned softly.

He held the assembly door open wide for her, and she found her place in the inside pew in the very last row. It brought back an odd sensation, to a moment when she was nothing more than an over developed sixteen year old with few friends and far too much bookish interest.

Her mind drifted again to thoughts of John and their future. "Maybe this would be an ideal place to raise a family. It could certainly feel like home."

..."Dr. Caroline Dawson." Grace Mitchell's introduction rang through the assembly hall directly to where Caroline was seated. She stood, and made her way, somewhat loftily to the front of the Assembly Hall.

"Good morning."

* * *

"Oh mum, please, just try and make an effort. You've met him just the once. John's a kind, gentle man. He's educated, employed... I don't know what else you want." The two women had just finished their lunch and were enjoying a pot of tea whilst waiting for Caroline's departure time to draw near.

"He doesn't love you Caroline."

"Yes, he does. How would you know that? Where are you getting that from? Mum."

"He worships you, but he doesn't love you."

"Mum, will anybody ever be enough?"

"No I suppose not, Love."

"I've got to go Mum. Its five o'clock. My train leaves at six. Now remember, you need to be in Oxford by three o'clock on the seventeenth." They were headed to Celia's sedan parked less than a block from the pub.

"I still don't understand why you feel the need to get married on a Friday evening Caroline."

"Just to frustrate you mum."

"What did you say?"

"Friday is my favourite day."

They arrived at the station - five twenty. Perfect.

"I love you, Dear." Celia kissed her only child on each cheek. "I'll see you in a fortnight. I'll bring you father." Celia winked.

Caroline wrapped her mother in an armed cocoon attempting to melt away the years of unhappiness and marital neglect.

"I do love You, Mum."

"I know You do, Dear."

* * *

"Bullocks. John pronounced. "Caroline's due in ten minutes and I've still got to make it across town. "Shit." He was up and off his chair and struggling with his jacket.

"You'll be fine lad, she'll wait. They always do." Richard had been John's flat mate throughout university and was about to be his best man. They'd stepped out for a pint after a rugby match and the evening had passed before John realised the time.

"Right. And that would be why you're single you useless twat. See you Monday." John threw three bills on the table and headed to the door.

Caroline stood waiting on the platform, ensuring that she had placed herself directly under the light hanging from a beam above. She could feel her blood beginning to boil. All of the remaining passengers had been retrieved.

Entirely alone.

Fifteen minutes.

Twenty minutes.

She made her way to the phone booth just around the corner of the building. "Maybe he'd fallen asleep." She was always content to give him the benefit of the doubt.

No answer.

Returning to her lighted sanctuary.

"Where are my bags?" Spoken aloud.

A frantic glance to the left - then right.

Terror.

Caroline was uncompromising in her position. If somebody had taken them for their contents they were welcome to them. If they were attempting to frighten, it had worked. She would remain in the light.

There it began.

A blow to the back so hard it drove her directly to the platform. The jolt of pain as both knees collided with the concrete. Before she could find any balance her torso had fallen forward driving her head to the pavement.

Opening her eyes, searching for light. He was over her. Hand on her mouth. Grin on his face. She was naked from the waist down.

"Where am I?" She screamed in the back of her throat.

"Not a word. Not a single sound." He was calm, controlled. "You are a pretty one aren't you?"

He was a large man, broad shoulders, anger in his eyes - green eyes. Red hair - tightly wound. She was attempting to distract herself, trying to catalogue the details. She felt him enter her. She wanted to struggle, to fight, but she was pinned.

"Do not move."

She took it.

"John. Where are you John?"

Tears flooding their way to the footing beneath - marauding every emotion, nerve by nerve, pulse by pulse, breath by broken breath, trapping them in the tributaries tunneling their way around her head, twisting to look away she lies watching herself unravel into a watery wasteland.


	7. Chapter 7 - Will

"You're home? Hi." Kate leaned in - over the back of the rocking chair, pulled Caroline's face close and reached in to oblige what she knew to be the most delicious mouth she had ever explored. "We missed you."

"That was nice...I'm home. Hi"

"What are you two doing?"

"Well - she's sleeping, and I'm just being selfish. Didn't hear you come in. I was on my way in to steal a peek, on my way to you actually, maybe drop a peck - and as I arrived at the top of the stairwell I could hear her chatting up a storm. I thought maybe she was dreaming. When I looked in she was sitting up facing the window and having a fine ol' conversation with Little Lammy. You're very naked by the way." Caroline stood gingerly and made her way back to Olivia's cot, placing the little bundle on her side and tucking her in."

"I'm always very naked at two o'clock in the morning Caroline"

"I know, but I'm not usually awake at two o'clock in the morning, you're very distracting at this hour."

"Am I? Good."

"I scooped her up, changed her bottom and plunked the two of us down for a rock. I think she was out before my backside hit the seat."

"Come back to bed with me. You alright? You look exhausted and I can tell you've been crying." Kate took her hand and led her to the bedroom - sat her down on the bed - knelt and began to compassionately divest her lover of each and every individual item of clothing. She knew to wait and the words would come.

Caroline's mind was racing, yet with each item peeled away, tranquility began to find its form - arousal not far behind.

* * *

My God Caroline! What in the name of all things holy has happened in here?" Sunday afternoon and Kate's arrived sweetly at the study doorway with a bottle of Fever Tree in one hand and a salad in the other. She'd been aware of the ruckus for just over an hour but had written it off to Caroline's typical 'Sunday in the Study.' It came around monthly with bills, book balancing and the intensity of Caroline Elliot. But today, this Sunday? A full blown hurricane had made its way through the room leaving the balance of the building in complete repair.

"I can't find the damned thing." She's down on all fours shuffling and shifting anything that resembles the remnants of a tree. Distant or close relative, matters not. The perfect storm.

Kate was quick enough to dart out of the doorway and back to dry land.

Pokes her head back in "What are you looking for sweetheart?"

"A paper." She's standing now, skin to scarlet, not a freckle available to the trained eye.

"Alright, can you be more specific?" Sweet not sarcastic.

"I need to be in Oxford for 10am Tuesday morning. I've lost the God Damned documents that I need for the appointment."

"What do they look like?"

"Kate!"

Lawrence arrives carting a khaki coloured file. "This?"

Scarlet to bruised the relief rushes in. She drops to her chair, drops her head, holds her package at her heart. He heads back toward the island from which he's just arrived.. Caroline recognizes the whistled Crash Test Dummy tune as it fades in time with the form of her son - a calm returns.

"That's enough." She complains just loud enough to capture a chuckle from the lad.

"Your welcome. 'Superman never made any money'..."

"I'm aware of your financial situation Lawrence!"

"It was in the entrance way along with your keys if you were wondering."

"Thank you Love."

"Can I help you, straighten, clean, renovate?" Kate's still holding the bottle, bowl and some hope of understanding what has just taken place.

"No I'm fine on my own...my mess." She's assessing the damage and contemplating a match.

"Lunch?"

"No thank you not hungry." Unaware of Kate's offering. Hadn't noticed the bounty in the ruckus.

"I'll leave you to it then." She leans in to place the bottle on the one available spot atop the desk and drops a desperately concerned kiss where it belongs. Leaves.

Alone. Glaring at the documents in question as the early fall rain beats a battle drum against her window.

_Oxford Combined Court Centre_

_St. Aldates  
Oxford_

_Court number 291_

_Date of appearance - Tuesday September 8th, 2015._

_Parole Hearing on Behalf of Mr. Robert Duncan_

_Time: 10am_

_Victim Statement Request for: Dr. Caroline Elliot (Nee: Dawson)_

An all too familiar suffocation sets in...

* * *

"We arrived about two hours ago."

"We?"

"Will travelled back with. He headed directly to his room and I to my study. I've meetings tomorrow that required some preparation. I'm surprised you didn't hear him slam his door. It's more than likely what woke Liv."

"Roxy?"

"Nope."

"Lift your bum. Pants off. You do realise that the sight of you, from this perspective is a touch provoking."

"I hope so." Coy - guiding Kate to proceed.

"Then I made a cup of tea and sat, cried and felt sorry for myself until I remembered you were here."

"Do you ever forget that I'm here?" Kate whispered leaning in for a kiss.

"Never, I just…today..." The tears began again.

"Caroline. What is it?"

"I've broken his heart Kate. I've ruined him - and I don't know how to fix it. My William. My beautiful precious, kind, sweet William."

"I'm sure that's not true. Climb in." Caroline slept on the right - Kate on the left. She turned off her bedside lamp and rolled to face Kate's side of the bed, lifting the covers to accommodate the warm, feminine silhouette slowly making its way around to the opposite side."

Absolute undefiled arousal.

Simply the thought of Kate's deft knowing hands - demanding mouth - calling to life every cell, every nerve - was enough to restore Caroline's sense of intuition. And she knew that this was precisely where Kate wanted her.

If Caroline were be to be completely truthful, in the quietest of moments, when she could still her rambling mind, she could see very clearly, that each breath, each beat, each thought had actually been about Kate. It had always been about Kate. Maybe not Kate by name, but the essence of Kate, the marrow, the very nature of Kate. A nature that would pull her, drag her, senseless into a seductive state of subsistence.

Kate climbed in - "Sorry Elliot - no sheets tonight. Just you and I. O.K.?"

Caroline lying flat - gazing upward at the shadowed form. Thoughts locked in expectation.

"O.K.," - whispered- smiled - lips opened.

Kate leaned in to hear.

"Can you?..." Silenced.

"...Oh don't you worry."

* * *

They were up early. Well, Olivia was up early, therefore they were up early. EARLY.

Kate had perched herself on a stool at the far end of the kitchen island having decided to begin working her way through a stack of test booklets. Olivia was laying claim to a tiny bowl of oats and some freely wandering blueberries.

"You're thinking." She looked up at Caroline, leaning against the cooktop, her glasses pulled down to the end of her nose, a look of amusement on her face.

"The boys did it too." She was laughing now.

"Did what?"

"Held their spoon in one hand, and then filled it using the other. It's fascinating. Will loved banana, Lawrence was apple and Liv the almighty blueberry."

Hearing her name and favourite food all in one sentence prompted Olivia to hold out a blueberry for her mum to enjoy. Caroline leaned to accommodate, and then landed a long loud kiss on the top of her curled head. "Thank you for sharing Olivia."

"Cookie."

"Do you have any idea why she calls me Cookie?" Caroline asked perplexed as she poured herself and Kate each a cup of coffee. She walked over and placed Kate's cup in front of her papered pile.

"The only thing I can think of is that she equates both you and cookies with happiness."

Caroline's eyes filled and Kate reached out to grab her hand. "Sit."

She'd pulled her around to the stool next to her and gave her a light shove.

Caroline sat.

"I've no idea what's got you so upset. And whatever it is that you've been carrying around for the past month I'd love to take from you, but it doesn't seem possible. You know I'm right here? - right here!" She placed Caroline's hand over own heart.

"Last night helped, but I'm functioning on little to no sleep." Caroline quipped trying to be funny and calm her emotion.

"Well last night helped us both." Kate leaned in for a languid kiss. "Exquisite." Both of them now laughing.

"I've three children Kate."

"Three beautiful children who adore you Caroline."

Caroline was playing with the handle on her coffee mug, staring down at her lap.

"Each of my children..." she drew in a long hard breath.

"What?" Kate asked desperately.

"Have different fathers Kate." She'd managed to look up and over Kate's head, working to hold back the tears."

"Oh, well - ah - I didn't know." Lost.

"Nobody knew - except John and I." Flood gates open.

"Will?"

"Is not John's."

"and you've just told him."

"Yup."

"Oolliivvvveeeaaa." Lawrence.

Caroline stands to make her away across the kitchen looking for a tissue when Kate pulls her back. "Tonight Caroline. Let's have dinner. We can go out."

"Can you arrange it?"

"Of course."

"Lawrence? You good?" Caroline checking to ensure that Lawrence had all he needs for breakfast. "Let's see you."

Lawrence gave his girls a twirl. "I'm pretty much perfect. What do you think Liv?"

"Cookie." There it was.

"I think she's playing the numbers game." Caroline had had a revelation, mood shifting.

"Good morning." Will had made his way downstairs to breakfast, despite the late night and disagreeable day prior. He worked his way over to where Caroline was standing and leaned in to kiss her left cheek. "Mind if I go in to Sulgrave with you today?" Unselfishly protective.

"Of course not." She pulled him in for a hug and leaned back out again. "You O.K.?"

"Not sure really. You?"

"Not certain. It's taken a toll to be sure. What are your plans for the day?" Caroline was arranging the brilliant curls on the top of his head.

"Some library time and maybe lunch with Kate if she's available." Kate nodded agreeably, pulling Olivia from her high chair and heading to the sink to shake the toddler free of debris.

"Sounds like the perfect day to me. Alright everybody, launch time in five minutes." Caroline's entire family was here - under one roof - together.

* * *

Kate and Will sat comfortably on a blanket just next to the Cricket field, a blanket he'd removed from his mum's office earlier in the morning. He'd purchased two boxed lunches from the cafeteria and collected Olivia from the school nursery in preparation for his lunch date with two of his favourite people.

"She has a very unique way of keeping herself busy." He noted aloud to Kate.

"I think so too. She's actually quite entertaining. Can you hear her humming?"

"I hadn't noticed before, what is it?"

"Well, typically it will be whatever we've been practicing at choir, until we learn a new hymn and then it'll change. Funny little thing. Remind you of anybody?"

They chatted comfortably and candidly about all things Oxford and of course all things Roxy before Will fell silent and a sense of awkwardness invaded the conversation.

"What Will?" She lowered her head in an attempt to make eye contact. A manoeuvre that she'd become well-rehearsed in.

"Is mum O.K.?"

"I'm not entirely certain. She was incredibly upset last night. Upset that she'd hurt you. She loves you Will, like nothing I've seen before."

"So you know then?"

"That John's not your Dad? Yes."

Kate could feel her heartbeat accelerating. She was searching his beautiful face and realizing for the first time that there wasn't an ounce of John in him. She'd always known that they were opposites in interest and character, but she'd written it off to Caroline's influence. Looking now for any kind of physical similarity she came back empty.

"She's worried that he'll come looking for me."

"You're father? Wouldn't he have done so by now if he'd wanted to be part of your life?" She instantly regretted the statement. Kate could feel herself beginning to struggle. Something wasn't connecting.

"Well he couldn't could he?"

"Why?" Deeper.

"Because he's in prison Kate." He was frustrated now. He stopped. "You didn't know that? She hasn't told you? Oh I'm making a mess, I should stop."

"I guess she hasn't, but it's alright, she won't mind if we talk Will. Not if it puts you at rest. And knowing your mum, she'd want you to hear it from her before she told anybody else." Kate's stomach turned. She swallowed.

"She hasn't told you that she's been spending her time in Oxford trying to keep him in prison?"

"No Will, I'm sorry love, she hasn't. We'd planned to go out this evening and discuss it all. All I knew up until now was that you and Lawrence have different fathers." She was now attempting to neutralize the damage.

"We should stop I think."

Kate could see the concern in his eyes. He was protective of Caroline.

Wanted nothing but happiness for her.

Knew her burden long before she spoke it aloud for him.

And he loved her, loved her anger, her humour, her imperfections, her strength, her weakness. In his mind she was all things glorious. All he wanted now was to help - and he had no idea how.

They packed up their picnic in silence - scooped up the wandering toddler and headed back to the main building.

A familiar tap came to Caroline's door. Dragging her glasses down to the end of her nose she gave a "mmmhmmm, Yes?"

"Hey mum. Beverly said it was fine to come through."

"Of course. What have you got there? Ah, I didn't even notice it was gone. Well done. How was lunch with Kate and Liv?" She'd put her pen down and pointed at the chairs in front of her.

"No I should get to studying. You should know that I may have said more than I should have - to Kate - at lunch I mean. I thought she knew more than she did, and I'm afraid I've upset her." He laid the blanket back where he'd found it earlier this morning realising for the first time it was Oxford colours.

"It's fine Will. Not to worry. This is my mess. I've not dealt with it until now. It's been tucked away and once things begin to crack apart they can have a way of breaking wide open. It's not for you to be troubled with. Leave it with me. Can you be ready by three thirty this afternoon? Kate and I have dinner plans."

"Of course. Would you like Lawrence and I to look after Olivia tonight? It's no trouble."

"That would be brilliant." He was headed to the door. "Will?"

"Yah mum?"

"If she calls you Cookie, its best to just ignore her."

They laughed together for the first time in weeks. God she loved him.

Caroline waited only minutes, giving time for Will to make his way to the basement library. She released herself from her chair and made her way to Beverly's office.

"Where's Kate this period Bev?"

"9F Caroline." Beverly announced proudly after a quick quest.

"God, how do I keep doing that to the poor woman? Alright, thanks Beverly."

She made her way through the empty corridors hearing the ruckus from Kate's classroom as she neared. Throwing the door open, the room went silent the second she stepped in.

"Ms. McKenzie?"

"Loo!" The class tattle tale wailed.

She was gone; only two doors down Caroline shoved the lavatory door open to hear the sound of vomiting coming from the last stall.

"Kate?"

"Mmm?"

"Kate, it's alright. I'm alright. He's alright. I wanted you to hear the rest from me. I didn't think he'd be so forthright with you. She was leaning on one leg with the other bent behind her, propping herself against the wall, hands tucked behind her backside.

Dislodging herself from the stall and making her way past Caroline, Kate was unable to make eye contact. She rinsed her mouth, splashed water on her face and stood to catch Caroline's reflection in the mirror.

"I love you." - Kate

"I know."

"Even if you do repeatedly assign me 9F."

"Yah sorry about that." Holding back a snicker.

"Dinner tonight?"

"Wouldn't be anywhere else."

* * *

"Where are we going?" Caroline shouted from the shower.

"Can't tell you."

"O.K. What am I wearing?"

"Right now? Hopefully nothing."

"No. Tonight?"

"Jeans."

"Really?"

"Yup."

Caroline presented herself, warm, fresh and very pink. "That felt good. Where is everybody?"

"Out for a walk with the monster."

"What got in to her on the way home?"

"Not certain. Teeth maybe? She's got quite the range though don't you think?"

"I guess. If you consider Bloody Murder an octave? Can you pass me that glass - please?" Caroline reached out for the wine she'd toted upstairs.

She saw the look on Kate's face. "Don't."

"What?"

"You know what."

"Why not?"

"You know why not."

"Because you can't say 'No'?"

"Yes."

"Was that a 'Yes'?"

"No."

"Later?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Get dressed."

"I'm trying."

"Really?"

"What?"

"No knickers?"

"Kate!"

"Sorry."

"I don't think you are actually. I don't think you're sorry at all. As a matter of fact I know you're not."

"But you still want me."

"Yup! Ready."

"That was fast."

"The less I put on now, the faster it comes off later."

"Empirical?"

"Absolutely!"

* * *

"This is a drive through Kate." Caroline appalled.

"Hmm Hmmp. Not much gets passed you does it? Now quickly what would you like? He's waiting."

"Oh for shit's sake."

"You asked me to arrange it."

"That I did. I'll be more specific next time."

"Well, keep it up with the 9F marathon and its an endless supply of burgers and chips for you. Remember this is a night without an eighteen month old. This should feel like The Palace."

"Point taken."

"Here hold the bag and tray." They drove for another five minutes.

Kate parked the car.

"This is nice."

"Thought you'd like it."

"You've never brought me here before."

"Haven't had an opportunity. Our lives typically are filled with nonsense, and drama, and diapers, and ex-husbands and students. This dear sweet Caroline is just quiet - simple. Soak it up, you've got about three hours."

They'd parked atop an embankment looking out at Harrogate.

"Have I ever told you that milkshakes are one of my favourite things?" Caroline took a long draw of the strawberry flavoured dream.

"Slow down super sipper, you're going to go temporarily blind in one eye." Kate looked over at the stunning blond tucked in sweetly next to her in the small car and couldn't help but wonder why they didn't do this more often. "Ready?"

"I think so."

"So what is going on? Tell me what's happened Caroline."

Caroline began to fidget, play with her chips - adjust the seat.

"It was the week before John and I were due to marry. Sulgrave was hosting the National Independent Schools Symposium and I'd been invited to present. I'd taken the train from Oxford to here, and then back again that evening. John was due to pick me up at the station, and well...he was late. It was dark. I was alone."

Kate could hear her voice beginning to crack.

"I'm right here Caroline."

"I was attacked."

"Raped?"

"O.K., well. Yes." She pulls far enough away to lean against the door, more in reflexed safety than rest.

"I became pregnant. John and I chose to have the baby."

"O.K. Is there more?"

"I went to the police the day after. I wasn't alone. The description I gave fit the description that at least a dozen other women had given. About six months later he was apprehended and found guilty on over sixteen different charges."

"You testified."

"Uh huh. Can I have your pickle?"

"No."

"You're not eating it."

"I'm saving it."

Caroline drew another long breath.

"He's been imprisoned for almost twenty years and he's come up for parole."

"And you were asked to present at his parole hearing."

"I was."

"And…"

"I did. Yesterday. It was dreadful. I wasn't expecting him to be there Kate. I'd rather not share the details of that event if that's alright."

"O.K. Has he been released?" Sunday's study storm becomes clear.

"They've not yet determined a finding. The thing is though Kate. I've received cards from him, over the years. Photographs. Letters. All of which I've turned over to his case workers but he somehow still manages to get correspondence to me and yet, during the hearing yesterday, he denied having done so ."

"How did he know where to find you?"

"He'd seen the announcement in the papers when I accepted the position at Sulgrave and resigned at Oxford. He saw our family photograph in the Harrogate Advisor each year at Christmas. And so he's sent correspondence to me directly at Heath."

"And all the while you're trying to protect William."

"I was." She finally broke down.

"Oh Caroline."

"And now he's over eighteen and you're afraid that if this... well I don't know what to call him... is released that he'll have access to William."

"Exactly."

"What does John think?"

"Oh I don't give a sod what John thinks at this point."

"What can I do?"

"Give me your pickle."

"Absolutely not."

"I'm terrified Kate."

"I know you are. But William is a brilliant young man Caroline. You've raised him into one. Do you honestly think that he's going to have anything to do with this, this..."

"It's hard to say isn't it."

"It is."

"Try saying it when he's the father of your son."

They simply sat, staring for all eternity. Kate wanting to reach out, to hold her. Unable, bound by the disgust of it, the damage, the darkness.

"He's more worried about you than he is about himself Caroline." She manages a slight shift.

"Will?"

"Yes."

"I know. Always has been."

"We're a family Caroline, regardless of how we look to the rest of the world."

"We are entertaining, I'll give it that."

"Especially the new one."

"Do you think Lawrence is a bad influence on her?" Caroline was making one last attempt to steal Kate's pickle.

"He's something, but I don't think it's bad. You ready to head home?"

"No."

"No?"

"Nope." There was that look.

"Caroline!"

"Why not? When's the last time you've done it in a car?"

"This is an awfully small car Caroline. It's not going to be comfortable."

"You don't know that necessarily. Not unless you try. Oh wait, I forgot something."

Kate sat in dread for a moment. "Who knows what she's about to pull out of that bag."

"I picked these up this at break today. They called this morning to say that they were ready."

Caroline pulled two tiny boxes from her bag and handed one to Kate, opened.

"Oh my God Caroline. They're stunning." Kate was flooded with a sense of paralyzing emotion.

"I think so. They turned out beautifully. How about we do something slightly different this Friday?"

Caroline loves - milkshakes, pickles and Kate.


	8. Chapter 8 - It Had Come To This

Beverly popped her head around the door. "Kate's here Caroline."

"Here - here?" Caroline pointed her index finger toward the floor.

"No not here - in your office, here. She's in the faculty lounge - she's brought the baby 'round to meet everybody."

"Oh I see. O.K. Thank you." feigning distraction and gazing at her computer monitor.

"Come with?"

"I don't think so - thank you no Beverly. You go on." She turned back toward the window.

It had been over three months since Caroline and Kate had been in contact - at all.

Nearly five since they'd had any outside of Sulgrave.

"Caroline would you like me to find a storage area for this thing, somewhere for you to park it during the day." Beverly was referring to the high end Basso road bike that Caroline had imported from Italy only a month earlier having rediscovered her passion for the open road.

_"Who the hell decides to take up cycling at the age of forty seven?"_ Beverly thought to herself. _"Let alone this one."_

"It's fine where it is Beverly - thank you, and no need to look at me or the bike like you've not seen either before. I know what's on your mind, but even I can manage a bit of athletics, it's not such a stretch." Caroline had draped her cycling clothes over the cross bar, helmet and shoes tucked neatly under the frame of the bike. "Is it bothering you Bev?"

She was cycling back and forth to work now. It solicited a few arched brows in the early days, but much like the beginnings of her and Kate, the novelty wore off over time. She'd pack her office attire in a small pannier and shower in the girls locker room upon arrival - a practice that created some discomfort for the girls swim team.

She was no longer bringing work home at night - instead spending her evenings with Lawrence, or Alan and Celia, or both. She'd simplified things - her heart had begun to beat again.

"Get you anything before I head down Caroline?"

"Yes Beverly, some silence would be welcome." She dragged her reading glasses down her nose in typical Elliot fashion and flashed Beverly a look of pure annoyance.

* * *

Kate awoke Christmas morning to find Caroline gone.

She must have made her way down to breakfast or back to the banquet room to assist Alan and Celia in collecting gifts, cards and various sundry items from the previous evening. She had rolled over to capture Caroline's scent from the pillow next to her and glancing at the clock just near the bed, discovered that it was ten o'clock - Christmas morning.

And then it appeared.

Propped neatly against the desk lamp across the room was a small envelope with one word scripted there. "LOVE." Her heart emptied in one thick surge.

Caroline's overnight bag was gone.

Kate wrapped herself in the down duvet from the hotel room bed and her made her way over to the writer's desk plucking the envelope from its nesting place. Tucked into the Queen Anne arm chair nearest the window she sat holding the item for what felt like a lifetime - terrified to reveal its specific contents but already aware of the contained intention.

"_Could it think, the heart would stop beating." _

_You were right. .C._

It had come to this.

She rose.

She stood.

She stared.

She dressed, gathered her bag and sweater and made her way to the front desk, searching the lobby for familiar faces. None presented.

"The charges have been provided for Ms. McKenzie. Dr. Elliot cleared the debt on checkout early this morning. It's been a pleasure having you both with us again."

"Thank you." Kate stood - stuck.

"Ms. McKenzie is something wrong?"

"No, no I'm fine, I just well, best be going haven't I." Kate gave her head a short shake trying to find her senses.

"Right then. Have a lovely Christmas."

"Yah, how likely is that. Sorry. You have a nice Christmas too." Kate turned and made her way through the front door; frigid, bitter, sharp.

Caroline was on her way home, back to Harrogate. She'd left a message at the front desk informing the boys and Roxy to find their way back with her mum and Alan.

"Not a tear Caroline. Not a single tear." It was by now eleven o'clock and Caroline was in the process of resignation. It was Christmas morning and there were things to attend to.

Shut down.

Turned off.

On the run.

Over.

She'd wakened just after dawn; arm draped easily over Kate's budding body.

Last night - the memory of it all appearing through the morning fog.

Kate had returned to complete her.

She'd come back to put the pieces in place.

And together - on the dance floor - on display - she moved to give herself to Kate.

It was bewildering, as intoxicating as it had always been.

Later, in the privacy of their hotel room, in each other's arms Caroline was unable to get past the foreboding, the despair, the rejection, the shame of the past months. Pulling Kate's naked body into hers she asked for only one thing - "Hold me Kate."

She tumbled into a dream riddled restless sleep until the sun reared its selfish face to take the night away and expose her to the reality of day.

There was a time when Caroline believed that with Kate at her side she would be capable of anything. Kate could have been her way home. But something had broken inside of Caroline; her constant incompetence rearing its head at every turn, the arrogance of her facade tearing away at their love until Kate herself became vicious, cutting, hurtful - and then protective - Protective of her own love, her child, her dignity.

Celia and the boys knew not to ask, and had they, Caroline would not have spoken of it. It was done.

They could see, even sense, the final vacancy that was once Kate.

It had come to this.

The holiday wore on - and Caroline was determined on setting her house in order.

She ushered John and the remainder of his belongings out the front door - paid him his share based on a settlement lent in her favour. She extended the mortgage on the dwelling - allowing her to stay in the home she loved dearly. Helped Alan move his remaining belongings into the Annex, spent time getting to know Roxy - and Roxy and Will. There were plenty of outings with Lawrence, the two even found time to make a trip to Halifax to see Gillian - and to feed the sheep.

There were no calls from Kate, no emails, texts or cards. Despite the self-inflicted torment it was Caroline's choice. And if Caroline Elliot was good at anything it was living with her choices.

The first two weeks back to work were difficult. There were no conversations with Kate, no after-hours meet ups with Kate, no mid-week rendezvouses with Kate. It was cold, frightening, disorienting, but within a month it all settled into a firm, safe, immaculate existence once again.

Over.

* * *

Beverly popped her head around the door - again.

"Yes Beverly?"

"Kate's left this for you."

"Just drop it on the table please. Thank you."

"I'm off for the day if you're not in need of anything further." She shot Caroline's bike an unflattering glance as she placed the tiny envelope on the sideboard that was suspending the offending object.

Caroline took the time to look up, understanding Beverly's frustration. Caroline was not intent on agitating the situation further. "I'm just fine Beverly. Thanks so much. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good evening."

"You too Caroline," She paused as though wanting to ask, thought better of it, smiled and closed the door quietly behind her. She had a unique soft spot for her boss's short comings and the past months had her mournful. It was unbearable to watch.

* * *

Caroline had called home to let Lawrence know that she was on her way. Tucking her skirt, blouse and shoes into her pannier and pulling her jersey over her head she glanced around the room to see if she'd forgotten anything. Kate's card. Caroline made it a point to not open personal correspondence at work. She pulled the envelope from the sideboard and tucked it into the back of her jersey.

Tonight Caroline Elliot took the long way home ensuring that she logged over and hour on the bike; clearing the fog - releasing the day.

Done straightening the kitchen after dinner, having helped Lawrence with a bit of homework and then releasing him to the television, Caroline poured herself a full glass of wine and made her way to the study to review some bills and purge old files.

Kate's card - sitting solitary atop today's mail. "No time like the present." she muttered under her breath taking a full mouth of wine.

Inside laid a photo of the baby and a small note.

Peering up at Caroline through Kate's thoughtful eyes was what Caroline perceived to be the most beautiful baby she'd ever laid eyes on; fully rounded cinnamon shaded cheeks, held in place by the most delightfully curved lips. Her perfectly round head was topped wildly by a patch of milk chocolate sloppy coils.

Sirens sounded in Caroline's head - piercing - slicing away at the frail veneer.

She went rigid, stiff, frozen.

"Not a tear Caroline. Not a tear."

"Hi love." Sirens off.

"Oh Hi mum, I didn't hear you knock."

"Lawrence let me in."

"Ah good." Caroline stood, grabbed her wine glass and made her way past Celia, aiming at the half full wine bottle on the counter.

"Caroline?"

"What!?"

"Well. Is that where we are?"

"Ah mum, I don't know where the fuck I am if you must know. I've buggered it all - and done it deliberately. And if you give me just five minutes I'll have collected it all and tucked it back where it belongs, nice, neat and tidy." The kitchen island now providing assistive services for both balance and bravery.

"You've been drinking Caroline."

"No shit mum."

"Do you remember telling me once that I was going 'to die a very, very, very lonely woman'?"

"Was that right after I called you a 'nasty narrow minded old bitch'?"

"That was the moment dear, yes."

"What do you want mum?" Caroline had tossed the envelope and its now exposed contents on to the countertop next to the bottle."

"Beautiful child." Celia had grabbed the photograph and was glaring at it with affection.

"Mum!" Caroline tugged the photo out of Celia's hand and slammed it face down on the counter.

_Olivia Caroline McKenzie. 4 Weeks; Born Friday April 4th, 2014 at 12:01 pm - _ printed in Kate's lovely script on the back of the photograph.

"Bloody Hell Mum! Will she ever give up?"

"I don't think so dear. She's patient I'll give her that. She'd have to be though wouldn't she?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Long draw on the glass.

"Think of Alan and I and the years we lost."

Caroline was pacing now, with her hands over her ears, expression darkening with every word her mother spoke.

Celia took a breath and stepped directly in front of her daughter, stopping her dead in her paces, grabbing her hands, pulling them away from her ears, and holding them to her own chest.

"Fix it Caroline."

"I can't mum. I don't deserve her. And she certainly doesn't deserve me."

"Fix it Caroline." Celia turned, left, and slammed the door on her way out.

* * *

Kate had let the grocery bags tumble to the kitchen floor.

It had poured rain on the walk back from the market but she returned feeling restored none the less. Rolling up the bottoms of her jeans and removing her rain soaked t-shirt and bra; she paused long enough to review the cabin and concluded that it was going to be very much to their liking. Olivia sat waiting patiently in her pram - eyes wide - until Kate, bare breasted, scooped her up and the two made their way to the sitting area where Kate sat and fed her daughter wrapping her in a gentle and loving silence.

Olivia now sound asleep in her cot, she pulled her dampened t-shirt back on and tossed the bra toward the arm of a chair. Groceries stored away, Kate had turned the stereo on low with some early Ella and decided to spend the afternoon preparing a favourite dish for her evening meal. Dinner simmering on the stove, she plunked herself down with a cup of tea and a copy of Antoine Lavoisier's _Elements of Chemistry._

She must have fallen asleep, awakened by the sound of the doorbell. She jumped from the sofa and made it to the door in three quick strides - attempting to beat the second ring for fear of waking the sleeping Olivia.

She yanked the door open as quickly as possible and there stood - Caroline.

Bottle of wine in one hand and, tiny piece of paper in the other; on it was scribbled the address and location of Kate's whereabouts.

"Hi." Caroline blurted out nervously and a bit out of breath.

"Hi." Kate whispered with an index finger over her lips. She stepped aside to make room for Caroline to come inside. "What are you wearing Caroline?"

Caroline looked down in self-examination. "Cycling shorts," She sounded a bit perplexed with Kate's question, it seemed obvious.

"Alright then, I guess I need to ask - how did you get here?" Kate was now leaning against the wall arms crossed over her breasts. She'd become keenly aware that her bra was halfway across the room.

"I rode my bike." Caroline announced in a somewhat pragmatic tone.

"You rode your bike - Caroline Elliot - you?" Taking the bottle of wine as Caroline offered it so she could remove her socks.

"Where are your shoes?"

"Outside, they're soaking wet. It rained fairly hard for a while." Following Kate to the kitchen and craning her neck to try see inside the cot.

"You do realise we're 36 miles outside of the city - right."

"Yup, it's a nice distance though."

Kate turned back around. "You're here."

"I'm here."


	9. Chapter 9 - Caroline

Pushing her chair back slowly with ease and accuracy, heels dug in, the highlight of her work day.

For Caroline it was the demarcation from of one task to another.

Dr. Elliot 1 - mountainous piles of never ending paperwork - 10.

And recently the game had been made even better by placing her cleanly manicured hands squarely upon the blotter and locking her gaze upon the beautiful wedding band wound perfectly just above the second knuckle on her left ring finger. The etched crystal band underlined with perfectly polished platinum had been shot randomly through with the couples birthstones in staggers throughout the band like stars lining a crisp fall night. It was four weeks to the day.

"This" Caroline thought aloud "has finally made all the years of being left handed worthwhile."

She had just beeped Beverly with an invitation for tea and a schedule review of the upcoming month. This was more of a monthly celebratory event that she saved for the first Friday of the current month - a moment for the two of them to relish in the victory of having made it through the last. Standing, adjusting trousers and blouse she moved her way toward the waiting couch, aligning the items on the coffee table into perfect angles.

The two women sat comfortably close enough - and whether or not Beverly was aware Caroline Elliot considered her a friend, a confident, a shoulder to lean on - her rock most days.

When their primary duties were done and Caroline was confident that all things were in order for the next month, she dropped her hand on Beverly's right shoulder and delivered with a note of gratitude, "Beverly get yourself out of here, we've both had a long day and it is the weekend after all."

"It's actually been a lovely day Caroline. I enjoy Athletic Day as it rolls around each year. It's wonderful to see students who typically are living out a sedentary existence get outside and have some fun. Must admit though - less excitement this year."

"How so?" Caroline looked over in surprise thinking Beverly had truly been disappointed in the day's events. "Bit of a let-down for some of the spectators discovering that you'd chosen to wear trousers this year." The two women broke into infectious laughter.

"I can do without the publicity Beverly - and the tongue lashings from you know who?"

"Kate?"

"No! Grace Mitchell."

"Oh Grace - well if she followed your every move any closer you and Kate would have a boarder."

"Let's stop right there shall we." They were still laughing.

"What in heaven's name is that ruckus?" Caroline had stood and made her way to the window. The school yard was deserted - typical for a late Friday afternoon.

"Probably the Athletic staff dismantling the bleachers and the like." Beverly offered.

"Well they could go a touch lighter, the last thing I need right now is another repair bill." Caroline had stopped laughing. "There it is again - you'd think they were dropping planks from the top of bleacher itself." She reached out to pull the window shut.

Beverly had stood and lifted the tea tray from the coffee table "And you've still got Gavin haven't you?"

"Yes but not until 5:30. I'm going to ring Kate quickly and then prepare for my meeting." She looked down crossly at her desktop, while picking up the phone to dial home. "Odd - There's not a dial tone. Hope the bursar's paid the phone bill." The two women began to laugh again.

"Well I best be gone." Beverly turned to move away from the couch.

"Caroline?"

"Yes Beverly" She was occupying herself with her mobile now.

"It's nice to see you so happy."

"It's wonderful to be this happy Beverly - now get gone."

"Dear Lord in heaven Caroline - what IS going on out there?" The sounds had shifted to the hallway just near the entrance that Caroline used on a daily basis.

The words hadn't quite made it from Beverly's mouth to Caroline's diamond studded ears when the door to Caroline's inner office flew open.

"You! You should probably leave." A tall forty something man had pushed his way into the middle of Caroline's inner off and with his index finger was drawing a line from Beverly's neatly tied hair to the door.

"Go!" He'd drawn a hand gun from the inner pocket of his jacket and was holding, it barrel down, against his right leg. The sound of the tea tray throwing itself against the tiled floor shocked both women into reality.

Far too adept at squaring herself away Caroline began with what sounded like a calm and peaceful voice. "Go on Beverly - do what he asks." She took one small step forward from behind her desk and toward Beverly and ran her shaking hand down the lower half of the woman's right arm.

"I want you to turn, walk out of here and get as far away from this office as you possibly can." Beverly saw the panic in Caroline's eyes. "Go Beverly, just turn and walk - please. It'll be alright, I promise you."

Not knowing what else to do and too terrified to speak she ran from the room with enough intention to head into the hallway and bolt for help - any kind of help.

Her purse was missing - no mobile.

She grabbed her receiver - no tone.

She flew to the hallway attempting to make for the exit.

To her left, two bodies - face down both haloed in crimson pools.

Beverly could feel consciousness fading away and immediately expelled the contents of her afternoon tea onto the floor in front of her.

Guiding herself along the abandoned corridor, balancing with one hand on the coolness of the stone wall, terror sept into every fibre of her being.

Random images, flashes of what may have been happening in Caroline's office stabbed at Beverly's brain.

She attempted a scream - not a sound escaped - not a breath - not a squeal - betrayal of a friend picking away at her soul with rapid fire.

Beverly had no idea how much time had elapsed when she came across the first classroom - door locked. Of course - all teachers had been clearly instructed to lock their classroom doors upon leaving each night.

Gathering as much focus as she could muster, pulling at tears with the cuff of her sweater the mirage like appearance of a fire alarm appeared at the end of the corridor. With what felt like leaden feet Beverly took for the end of the hall, gave the alarm a pull with her last ounce of strength and turned one last time sliding down the wall praying for the sound of the alarm to bring an end to the nightmare.

NOTHING - he had thought of it all.

She made way to the exit – darted outside having to navigate her way past the window of Caroline's office as she went. She would tell the police later that the noises charging through the closed window would have been enough to frighten the hardest of hard.

Tucked under the window sill, gazing out into the athletic field, where the afternoon had played out so delightfully, she waited. Too frightened to move, and too panicked to leave Caroline behind.

Beverly was certain that she could hear Caroline Elliot begging for her life - but as the minutes wore on after the attack, and she and Gavin made their way back to Caroline's office she began to question whether she had actually been asking for her death.

* * *

"Hello Caroline." He grinned as he continued toward the centre of the room; sliding a well-polished boot across the tiled floor along the way, in an effort to force the broken tea tray items in multiple directions. He tugged at the legs of his trousers, bent both knees and sat himself calmly down, crossing his legs and placing the gun on his lap. "It's been far too long since we've had any time together - alone, but absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder, and it appears that you've aged remarkably well and done very well for yourself." Taking time for a glance around the room at the awards and degrees lining the walls, "I do admire a woman who can re-focus herself, even in the face of tragedy."

"And is this my William?" There was no mistaking the fact that Caroline's eldest son bore an unmistakable resemblance to the red headed man sitting directly across from where she stood. He reached forward to pull the framed photo in for a closer look. It was Will's graduation photo, she kept it proudly displayed facing her office door directly so that all who entered, herself included, could see his brilliant face.

"Don't you fucking touch him!" She darted forward in an attempt to pull the frame out of his hand when he quickly tossed it aside and reached over the coffee table standing to leverage his size against Caroline's, and with one hand dragged her over the coffee table driving her head first into the arm of the sofa. There was a clear audible thud and a dull moan escaped from the back of her throat. Struggling to focus but not given time to orient, she felt a large hand descend to the back of her head - dragging her up onto the sofa.

"Now Dr. Elliot, we are going to play a game. We are going to see how many outrageously appalling things I can do to you before we hear the sounds of sirens rounding the corner and onto the grounds. Sound like fun? Of course it does. You see I've just spent the last twenty years at the hands of men who thought it prudent to teach me the lessons of the crimes for which I'd been sentenced. I have you to thank for that - don't I? I've also had twenty years to think of how I can return the favour."

Picking up one end of the coffee table and tossing it end over end until it lodged itself against the fireplace, he took one step forward while tugging at his belt in a calm yet provoked manner.

Caroline was still battling with consciousness - a failed attempt to focus. Battling to draw strength from somewhere, anywhere, she was going to fight.

There would be no obeying, no submission, no giving in.

It was rare that Caroline Elliot underestimated anybody, but tonight on this rainy Friday evening, as she prayed to hear the sound of emergency vehicles cry out in the distance, she had met her match, and if she were not willing to give - he was determined to take, and take he did.

* * *

Beverly sat wanting to not listen, but hoping to hear at least one word, one audible understandable sound escape the room next to her.

Nothing.

The breaking of glass.

An exhaustible moan as air could be heard escaping Caroline's lungs as her body, again and again was thrown from wall to floor and wall again.

After what felt like hours, Gavin's sedan finally pulled into view alongside the main administration entrance.

She ran.

Startled at the sight in front of him as he peered through his windshield he could feel the contents of his half-digested tea flip in his stomach. The questions began to roll over in his mind. Beverly was running toward him, panicked, tears streaking her face, pale, like death barely warmed over. He sat frozen knowing that something had gone terribly wrong.

"Gavin please - 999. He's killing her, I'm sure of it, he may have even killed her by now...and there's others Gavin, there's more."

"Beverly." He could barely speak beyond a whisper. "What is?, he was holding his mobile to his ear awaiting response."

A small four door sedan flew by.

Beverly ran, with everything she had, she ran.

Gavin only a breath behind - and as she worked to push the door to Caroline's office open, jarring it against who knows what, she closed her eyes bracing for the worse.

She made her way over to Caroline's body, her face barely recognizable, finding the throw that had laid neatly over the back of the sofa less than an hour earlier, she covered the wounded woman and began to whisper.

"Caroline, its Bev."

"They're on their way, I promise you."

"Stay with me, Caroline."

"No leaving." Beverly's sobs finding their way into the littered room.

Gavin, do something, please, anything.

Gavin was down on all fours, shaking uncontrollably, trying to comprehend what had happened here.

"Caroline, Caroline can you hear me?"

He leaned in to listen for a breath, a sound, anything.

Nothing.

He looked up and over at Beverly. "I don't know what to do Bev - good God in heaven."

So he reached out and took Caroline's hand.

Held it.

"Come on Caroline please"

"We're here."

A gurgle - a weak cough like sputter somehow, painfully, found its way.

A tear.

A word.

"Kate."


	10. Chapter 10 - Road Trip

Kate was watching Caroline through the faculty lounge window attempting to decipher how anything so beautiful could be so bleak. She wasn't aware how long she'd been gazing, but it was long enough that her tea had gone cold.

"Does she not own a coat? How on earth can she stand it out there?" Kate had precisely the same thoughts on the eve she drove Caroline home in early January. A beautiful form etched out fabrics and colour. Her scent remaining in Kate's car to this day. "She is intricate, or maybe just frigid." She was waiting for the kettle to boil attempting a second cup. "Stubborn for sure."

It had been just over a month since Grace Mitchell had thrown her annual Holiday Celebration in conjunction with Caroline's arrival to Sulgrave. Kate had become entranced that evening gaining small glimpses of the fruit that hid behind the well-developed branches and brilliantly matured trunk that made up Caroline Elliot. Bitter at first - but then sweet - honeyed almost.

Kate learned that evening that conversations with Caroline were like dancing with fireflies, flitting from one word to another, entangled, episodic, even ephemeral at times.

Her words seemed layered in their intricate depths - holding Kate fugitive from the moment the syllables would leave her lips. Kate could feel herself being drawn into places where emotions tangle and twist - become one - Buoyant.

And then the evening was over.

The weeks passed and Kate had deeply wanted to reach out - but on what pretext? "Thanks for the chuckles - and letting me drive you home", neither seemed appropriate. Regardless - there was something evasive about Caroline Elliot and Kate wasn't entirely certain that she was up for to challenge, not at this point in her life. Things were easy now, had a tempo, a timing - and maybe that was best.

And then on a crisp Saturday morning as Kate turned away from the counter in her favourite coffee shop, searching for a table at which she could settle and review lesson plans for the remaining term, there sat Dr. Caroline Elliot clouded by charts and lists and the like. The room was filled as it typically could be at this time of day. Kate made her way over to where Caroline sat and of course asked the question; "May I?"

"Hi! Of course!" Caroline easily swept aside the bulk of her mess, stacked it into well-formed piles and offered Kate the chair across from her. Niceties out of the way Caroline quipped - I do have to stay with it though. Can we?"

"I think so." Kate attempting to hide her elation.

And so they sat, for hours, several coffees, a wee bit of people watching and several trips to the lavatory. By two o'clock in afternoon, work done, the two women were in agreement that a drink of another sort and a bite to eat would be ideal. Kate had a favourite pub on Cambridge, so off they were. It was well into dinner time when the laughter subsided and Caroline, getting a bleary eyed look at her watch proclaimed her need to get home and make the boys a proper meal.

And that was that. Two more weeks passed and again Kate was seeking ways to make contact...still gazing out the window onto the frosty field.

"KATE! Your kettle's boiling. A small group of science teachers at a far table were becoming annoyed with the whistling and had decided to put an end to their agony - and Kate's, for a moment at least.

Embarrassed she jolted back to reality.

* * *

"Hi!" Being careful to not startle, Kate ensured she was well within Caroline Elliot's peripheral vision before greeting.

"Hello" She didn't turn.

"Aren't you cold? It's freezing out here."

"Nope" Still not turning.

"What are you doing out here Caroline? You're not wearing a coat, you are aware of that, correct? You are going to catch cold." Kate held the mug of tea out to the right, directly in front of Caroline.

"Oh my! Hi - Kate, I am sorry, I must have been somewhere else. It's quite cold out here, hadn't realised."

"No coat?" Kate asked more in an effort to bring Caroline's attention to the matter than to inquire.

"I guess not. I realised at half past one that Lawrence was out here. He's been insistent on joining the Rugby team since we arrived. I thought I'd come out and take a look. What are you doing out here?" Caroline was examining her current condition and seemed quite taken aback that she was, in fact, not wearing a coat.

"Bringing you tea." Kate was still holding the mug directly in front of Caroline.

"Oh Dear! Thank you Kate. That wasn't necessary." Caroline's tone suddenly became a touch professional, as if not wanting to acknowledge the act of kindness was actually meant for her and not for Dr. Elliot.

"You seem distracted."

"Oh probably just being a concerned mum - he's not been out for a sport before."

"O.K."

The two women stood in silence and Kate could feel the cold settling in to her bones. Glancing at her watch attempting to let Caroline know that she was about to head back indoors...

"John's gone."

"Sorry?"

"John."

"Your husband John?"

"Yes that John."

"Gone, what do mean gone?"

"Left. Out. Gone. He managed to get himself home by 'nearly noon' the Saturday after Grace's party - smelling like a brothel. By two o'clock that afternoon I'd had him pack up some of his things and sent him back from where he'd come."

"Caroline!? You didn't say anything weeks back, when we were.."

"What should I have said? My husband of eighteen years has left me, his two boys, our beautiful home and ran off with some whore. Would that have made for good conversation on an otherwise delightful afternoon?"

Do you think he'll be back?"

"I don't want him back."

". Can I do anything?"

"What could you possibly do?" Caroline turned, almost haughty for a woman in such a position.

"I don't know, thought I'd offer. We could do something." Kate was beginning to feel a touch foolish, but not discouraged.

"Like?" Caroline had now taken a tone.

"I was thinking of heading down to West Yorkshire, tomorrow, for the day."

"Tomorrow's Friday Kate." Caroline was now teaching a lesson.

"I'm well aware that tomorrow's Friday Caroline."

"What's in West Yorkshire?" Caroline beginning to calm a touch.

"Well it's in Heptonstall actually."

"Alright Kate, what's in Heptonstall?" Caroline had crossed her arms and turned just enough to indicate that she may have actually become engaged. There was a look of amusement beginning to appear. Enjoyment actually.

"Sylvia Plath's grave, but not just that - it's also the anniversary of her death. And every year on February 11th I make the journey to her graveside."

"You realise we're here tomorrow." Half asking - half stating.

"We don't have to be. Do we?" Hope.

"Some would consider it truancy Kate." Caroline was now being playful.

"Might do you good." Truth.

"Nope. Too soon." She'd turned back to face the field, holding her tea cup hard and high. Caroline was acutely aware that her new position as Head Teacher at Sulgrave was going to require some forceful commitment in the first few months, and running off to some cemetery in West Yorkshire, like a school girl, on a Friday afternoon was not going to fill her bill.

Kate wasn't entirely certain if Caroline was saying no to her, or if she was actually attempting to convince herself that she didn't want to go, but either way Kate was going Caroline or no Caroline.

"We should head in." Kate's teeth were beginning to rattle, and so was her heart.

* * *

Caroline had made a point of sitting with the boys after dinner and explaining what was currently taking place between her and their father. That after three weeks in a hotel room in Leeds he had decided to move in with his new "girlfriend" Judith. She'd been actually quite proud of herself given that she'd eliminated the words, twat, useless, bugger and whore from her explanations.

She assumed that they weren't surprised, given the fighting that had taken place on the Saturday she'd sent him packing, and the crying that followed on the Sunday. None the less, Caroline was determined to maintain a sense of family for the boys, so she'd endeavored to remain fair and neutral when it came to discussions of their relationship with their father.

She was working her way through the mound of paperwork she'd dragged home and was resisting the temptation to toss it all in the bin when she arrived at the faculty phone list that Beverly had offered to key into her mobile on her behalf.

Now Caroline wasn't a suspicious person by nature, but she wasn't specifically of a trusting kind either. Rather than giving up her mobile and its contents to her new Personal Assistant, Caroline had decided to perform the keying enterprise on her own.

Mistake.

It took thirty minutes to tackle _A_ through_ E_, twenty for_ F_ through_ L_, and by then she had accidently called or sent indecipherable texts to at least seventeen people, that she was aware of. And so when she finally entered the contacts for Kate McKenzie, hit 'save', and could hear a voice off in the distance repeatedly saying Hello, it took a few seconds to realise what she'd done.

"Oh Ballocks!" As she was about to disconnect she could hear Kate laughing at the other end, and in spite of her current state of mind burst into laughter.

"Hi." Caroline pulled the mobile to her ear. "You have no idea how many times I've done that this evening."

"What are you doing?" Kate sounded well confused.

"Entering faculty contacts into my mobile, unsuccessfully I might add."

"I'd think Beverly would be doing that for you, haven't you other more important items to attend to than cataloguing."

"Well, you'd think wouldn't you?"

The two women talked for over an hour, Caroline folding laundry, making tea, prepping the grocery list for the upcoming weekend, and then suddenly when she'd realised that it was a quarter past eleven she panicked.

Silence.

"Kate?"

"Yes."

"I can pick you up by 9am."

"I'll text over my address."

"Night."

"Goodnight."

XXXXX

Friday morning brought rain, fog and a very tired Head Teacher. Caroline had spent the better part of the night tossing and turning, questioning her decision to abandon her new post so early on and bugger off to a cemetery somewhere in West Yorkshire, with a subordinate no less.

Morning came, and in spite of her better judgement she showered, dressed, filled two travel cups with coffee and headed out the door. It was a short five minute commute to Kate's home and before Caroline had the opportunity to put the very new Jeep in park Kate's lovely face appeared at the passenger window.

"Alright" Caroline thought.

The beginning of the journey brought awkwardness. Gone was the gentle exchange that had engulfed the two women just two weeks ago. But as the miles passed the comfort returned. Caroline could feel a warmth come over her. She became animated, bright, engaged.

Kate from time to time would break away from conversation to admire the country side. "She wrote about them you know."

"Who did?"

"Sylvia Plath"

"About what?" Caroline was now examining her empty coffee mug, and upon reaching for the next realised that Kate, fairly, had assumed the second beverage had been intended for her - and was propped up neatly next to Caroline enjoying her morning coffee.

"The Moors."

"Really? Our Moors?"

"Umm Hmm."

It was clear to Caroline that Kate was enchanted. Caroline felt her body language begin to shift, turning herself slightly to the left, realising that she actually wanted to watch this woman. To capture her expressions, to find her way into the allure of Kate McKenzie.

There it was.

She saw it.

Her own want, her need, her very own physical attraction to this woman, this brilliantly delightful, articulate woman. Who despite all logic and reason that Caroline had managed to collect, was able to generate enough curiosity in Caroline to have her remove herself from Sulgrave Heath for an entire day to just be in her presence.

They discussed husbands, ex-husbands, and students, other members of faculty, mothers and fathers all, but the one topic that they wouldn't approach couldn't - themselves.

Kate had warned Caroline that typically many would make the Pilgrimage here - on this anniversary. They arrived at the cemetery at five past ten. A few cars were scattered randomly throughout the church grounds, but Kate was on the assumption that it was still early and quite dreadful out, so possibly this year many had stayed away. She was certain - and quick - to acknowledge her love for Sylvia Plath. Caroline was standing a few steps behind to provide room for what was clearly a very simple yet recognizable moment, reading the epitaph on the stone;

"_Even amidst fierce flames the Golden Lotus can be planted"._

Then, having given what Caroline believed to be both breadth and time enough she stepped forward and stood directly next to Kate.

Hands barely grazing, but enough to feel.

Silent.

Kindled.

Stirred.

Alert.

Kate turned, and just as she had done that Friday evening looked directly into Caroline's soul.

"It's getting cold." Kate blurted.

Neither moved.

"True." Caroline wrapped her baby finger into the same on Kate's hand.

"Nice."

"Mmm Hmm." Charged. "Shall we." She released Kate's hand and the two headed back to the Jeep.

"You O.K.?" Kate asked running the back of her hand down the arm of Caroline's blazer.

Caroline was now staring out the front of her vehicle. Silent.

"Caroline?"

"I'm going to kiss you Kate."

"Alright."

Caroline then put the key in the ignition of the vehicle, started the engine and then, without notice was out of the vehicle - gone.

The rain had begun to drive against the roof of the Jeep, the outside invisible through the windshield.

"Oh for Pete's sake." Kate had no choice. Opening the door, placing one foot on the ground she half stood and peered out into the downpour. "Caroline - get back in the car."

"I can't." Caroline had now turned back to face the Jeep - standing directly in front of the glaring headlights. She'd balled her hands up into fists and was standing like a child being held from play.

"I think you can." It was almost amusing.

"Shouldn't have said it."

"But you did - now get back in the car. Are you trying to make yourself ill? At some point I may tire of chasing you out into the elements. Remind me that the next time I decide to fall for somebody to do so in the summer."

"What?"

Kate had now made her way to where Caroline was standing. Stopping only inches away, looking directly into her eyes Kate had pulled her shoulders back, one foot placed barely between Caroline's boots. She spoke slowly, kindly. "I need you to get back in the car." Offering a guiding hand as they walked toward the front of the Jeep and then giving Caroline a shove on the back toward the driver's side, the two women made it back into the vehicle.

"Caroline. What were you thinking?"

"Honestly Kate. I'm doing my best to not think. I apologize. It was inappropriate, uncalled for and assumptive."

"What was? Jumping out of the car and into an ice cold torrential downpour; how is that assumptive?"

"No. What I said, prior. That I wanted to kiss you"

"Actually you said that you were going to kiss me."

"I know what I said Kate."

"Alright. And now?"

"And now I'm apologizing."

"For what? I wanted you to kiss me. But instead you chose to jump and take a cold shower out in the February rain."

"You did?" Caroline asked somewhat calmly.

"I did."

"and now?"

"Not sure. I'm afraid if I say 'Yes', you may start jogging home, or plain ol' just run off into the Moors." The remark was meant to be humorous.

Caroline turned and stared out the front of the vehicle again.

"Why was your vehicle parked at Grace Mitchell's home at 6 am on the Monday morning after the party?"

"What? Are you spying on me?" Kate appeared annoyed, but in reality was attempting to buy herself some time until she could formulate an appropriate answer.

Caroline was devastated. "Oh my God Kate. NO! Absolutely not, I was driving past on my way to work and saw your car. I shouldn't have mentioned it"

"So why would it matter Caroline? Should I tell you that I had left it there after returning to the party on Friday evening? That I'd had a few more drinks and called a cab, or better yet, went home with the winking Rugby coach. Do you want me to tell you why it was there Caroline? That it had been there all weekend - that I had been there all weekend - that David had taken the girls on a shopping trip to London and I spent the weekend in bed with Grace. Is that what you'd like Caroline? And then you won't have to kiss me. Then we can head back to Harrogate and pretend like this day has never happened." She was angry - infuriated. Not with Caroline but with herself. Why had she gone back to Grace's that night?

Caroline had been rooting through the glove box - looking for napkins or tissues to address her mascara, pretending not to hear - trying not to think. The images of Kate in her mind standing before Grace naked or worse - Grace naked.

"STOP. I understand. I get it. It won't happen again. I apologize. This whole trip has been a mistake. We should go." She passed several tissues in Kate's direction, ensuring that their hands didn't touch.

"I'm getting cold Caroline. Please turn the heat on - and yes take me home."

Caroline hated this.

This moment.

This place.

This thing that dragged her here.

This thing that she had chosen to share with Kate.

What was happening to her, had she lost her senses, she was frozen - everything that she thought she had known about herself was gone: John, her marriage, her control, her rules.

She turned to look at Kate attempting to explain but as quickly as she had caught the expression in Kate's eyes - it was done.

Caroline leaned forward without even a thought, as though something had driven her to it she placed the most gentle kiss Kate had ever known onto her mouth, parting her lips with her own and then pulling away ever so slightly, lingering, reaching in again - grabbing Kate's upper lip, feeling Kate's tongue barely reaching her own.

The two women hung there, in silence, Caroline staring down at Kate's mouth, holding Kate over an edge.

Kate, unsure if she wanted Caroline to release her or save her.

Caroline tucked both of her hands under the back of her own legs. Just able enough to restrain herself, working only to maintain the sensuality of Kate's mouth.

Afraid to want more.

If this were all there ever was it would be enough.

Kate tilted her head just enough, pushed against Caroline mouth, rested there, daring Caroline to find her way. Giving her time to stay, to begin to breathe. To hold Caroline, with just her breath, in this place that she had worked so hard to find.

Slowly, effortlessly Caroline came home, pulling from Kate the aspiration for more, craving the warmth, needing Kate's hunger to wash away the years of her own neglected lust.

Unravelling her ever so slowly.

Kate's hand finds it's way to the buckle on Caroline's belt, the tips of her fingers working their way into the edge of her waistline - just.

Startled - Caroline gasps, pulling Kate deeper into her well of arousal. Kate glides her tongue into Caroline's mouth and pulls her close, their bodies meeting for the first time.

A slow abyssal sigh escapes Caroline, cloaking Kate in unbearable desire.

And then...a THUD, and another, and a last. LOUD. Sounding as though the Jeep window were about to break wide open.

In shock Caroline pulls her right hand out from underneath her thigh and slams it flat against the driver's window - they pull away - squinting, attempting to see through the fogged windows. How long had they been gone?

Kate lets out a bit of a giggle. "What was that?"

Again a THUD and then an..."OIY"

"Shit, shit, oh shit, Kate somebody's out there.

"I can hear that Caroline, wind the window."

Caroline struggles to find the button for her window, grasps the concept and brings it down - all the while looking directly ahead through the front of her vehicle.

"Good Morning." There before Caroline's very eyes stood a more than curious but very serious middle aged officer of the West Yorkshire Force.

Kate leaned forward to say "Hello" in that very polite tone that she can have - innocent really.

"So here's the thing ladies. I've been watching you for a while, off to the East Side of the Church there, not too far behind you."

"Right," Kate responded politely "have we done something wrong?"

"Well I can't answer that now can I? But here's what I can tell yah. You started your Jeep up about twenty ago, got out of your vehicle, had a bit of a shouting match out in this clamour, got back into the vehicle and have been sitting here ever sense - your windows resembling a scene out of a Hitchcock movie. So I have to ask, 'is everything O.K.?'"

"Everything is, well, um Yah its fine. We were just, we uh." Caroline had begun to stammer like a sixteen year old boy caught at a drive-in cinema.

A giggle escapes Kate - Caroline shoots her a look - and then looks back at the officer in desperation.

"Oh I see. Well carry on then. But maybe take it somewhere else ladies, this is after all a cemetery."

"Thank you" Kate quipped politely as Caroline rushed to bring the window back up.

"Bloody Hell Kate."

"You'll be fine."

Caroline having finally recovered from the shock of their mid morning's activities and the rain having subsided a bit the two made their way back to Harrogate in just over an hour. The topic of conversation remained in the Sulgrave Heath realm - which was brilliant - given that Kate had at some point decided to rest her hand directly onto Caroline's left thigh and left it there for the better part of the drive. Caroline working to maintain both focus and conversation felt the ride had taken them the better part of three hours.

As Caroline pulled the car up curbside directly in front of Kate's, she found herself once again saying;

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Kate replied in her typical well natured tone.

"Would you like to come 'round Kate?"

"Sure. When?"

"Now."

"Alright. Why are we here then?"

"You should grab a bag."

"Should I?"

"I think so. I thought we could put on a pot of soup, maybe watch a movie and if we have a few drinks, well you could stay over."

"What about the boys?"

"Leeds."

"I see. Alright. Be back in few." And she was. In less than five minutes they were on their way back to 46 Conway Drive.

Caroline?

Yes?

"That police officer earlier?"

"What about her?"

"Did she look familiar to you?"

"I don't know. Hadn't thought about it. Possibly. Does it matter?"


	11. Chapter 11 - Do You Have To Go Tonight

"Do you have to go this evening?" Kate appeared in the bathroom entrance, towel in hand but her body still cloaked in wet from her morning shower - she'd made no attempt to wipe the moisture from her lovesick frame.

"Why is it Kate that you always seem to manage to ask the toughest questions when you are fully naked?" Caroline had finally finished aligning a beautifully sheer set of black backseemed hold up tights and slipped into two well fit heels - turned to Kate with a touch of annoyance etched into her brow, all the while knowing full well that she looked exactly the way she wanted to look.

Black lace short briefs trimmed with ivory, balanced against a nude delicate laced top bra, Caroline Elliot knew precisely what she was doing when she turned to confront Kate's unconcealed temptation.

Three calculated steps forward.

Two bodies on account, vacillating unpaid within the doorframe.

"Kiss me." Kate desperate - daring - almost dangerous and certainly determined.

"No." Caroline muttered quickly. Knowing all too well that she could never just simply kiss Kate. Beloved - so brilliantly, madly, thrillingly beloved Kate. Chin tucked to chest she delivers a well-executed flirtatious smile.

"I can't." And then - with practiced transmission Caroline Elliot brings a barely closed set of perfectly glossed lips to the back of her lover's jaw, runs a closed mouth along a jawline to the centre of a hungry chin, down the length of a recently deprived neck and stops to blow a faintly zephyred whisper into her beneficiary's breastbone. "If I kiss you I may never stop. What good would that do?"

And with that she turned and headed directly to her wardrobe, opened the doors and tugged at a hanger, stepped into a white knee length skirt, culling the zipper to attention with her back to the ever attentive woman left bankrupt in the door frame. She then draws a sleeveless blouse from a hanger and swings around while pulling it over head and renders the woman useless with...

"You were saying."

"I was saying that it's three weeks today that we've been married and damned three weeks since we've made love - had any kind of...true intimate contact - three weeks today since I've fallen asleep - spent - done - exhausted of you, Caroline. I think I may very well go completely mad. Its become desperate." Kate dribbling words along the tiled bathroom floor...

Caroline manages a professional tone as she adjusts her earrings and pulls on a black suit jacket. "I understand but I think I owe it to Gavin to tell him we've married - don't you? There is always the opportunity for backlash given that we are who we are and you are a member of my faculty. I'd rather he hear it from me and be prepared should the opportunity present itself - he may need to defend our relationship. He and I do meet every Friday regardless but this week I'll take him out for a drink. He is a good friend Kate; I feel I owe it to him."

Kate's resigned herself to the short term outcome and is now drying herself diligently in preparation for her day, but manages this; "And he's in love with you. Has always been in love with you, will always be in love with you. And you look the way you do, are who you are, and will always be stunningly Caroline. Please help me with this."

Caroline pulls the towel from Kate's hands, angling her so that they can see themselves in the full length bathroom mirror, standing behind her fascinating obsession, resting her chin on Kate's shoulder "And I have always been in love with you, will always be in love with you, and am achingly aware that it has been nearly three weeks since we've made love." Forcing Kate in to reflecting eye contact and slowly dredging the towel up a well formed thigh she whispers;

"I dress like this for you Kate, no one else. It's deliberate. It's the process, the preparation, the play. Today you need to engage."

"Drinks with Gavin – then home to you. I do so absolutely completely want you." And with that she pivots, steps, pulls her bag from its resting place and heads out the bedroom door. I've got Liv. See you there? Lawrence! breakfast, let's go."

"Tease." Kate dragging her towel behind her, impoverished.

* * *

Caroline could not control her laughter - not a bit. And to be fair - she was now having a challenge controlling her bladder.

"O.K. hold that thought. Don't formulate another single thought until I get back" She managed to slur as she slid herself across the aged upholstery, stood - not well at first - weaved a touch and then carefully, very carefully made her way to the ladies room. Well actually it was the men's room first - "Opp - Hello - apologies." ... and then the ladies room.

Hitching her skirt and lowering herself onto the toilet she had only two thoughts. "Kate" and "Good Lord I am drunk."

Having put herself together nicely she makes her way back to the table, literally plopping herself down to begin laughing uncontrollably again - right where she'd left off. "Ahh Gavin - I needed this. I haven't laughed this hard in I can't remember how long."

"Same. Your phone's been dancing by the way. Wasn't trying to be snoopy but I think it was Kate. I think she called and dropped a text or two."

"Oh dear." Now sounding a touch sober. "I need to find my bloody glasses." she begins digging desperately in her bag. "Can you read it to me Gav, please." Still digging.

"Sure. If you'd like." Gavin grabs the mobile and orients himself through the message centre to Kate's name.

"Oh Dear. Well then, there we have it. Phew - warm in here really, are you sure you want me to.."

"What Gavin?" Barking "What is wrong? Is she O.K.?" Having finally retrieved her glasses "I refuse to get one of those very dreadful stringy things that hangs" She's now laughing to herself and grabbing the phone from Gavin.

She peers down to see: _"Alone - naked - surrendering."_

Caroline turns a brilliant shade of desperate pink; Freezes holding the phone staring at the screen. "Oh Gavin. My apologies. I am desperately embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? Embarrassed. I'd think you'd be packing up and heading. I would if it were me.

"Gavin. I asked you for drinks this evening to tell you something, something that you do need to know, professionally, but it looks like poor Kate has unknowingly done the dirty work for me. No pun intended of course." Caroline wanted to order another drink and was about to wave the waitress when Gavin beat her to it.

"Caroline why do I get the feeling that you are about to break good news - for you, but not necessarily for me."

"I love her Gavin. She evokes in me, and stirs to life emotions that I thought would never see the light of day."

"Like I love you? If you'd have just said 'Yes' that day. The second time. Do you remember? I'd just begun to teach at Heath and you'd come to deliver a paper at the Symposium. I asked you to leave John and move back to Harrogate - to marry me." Oh he was drunk.

Caroline could feel her heart breaking for him. She knew exactly how he felt - she remembers it all too well. That day she'd gone to Kate's home - asked her to give her one more chance - "No. Thank you."

"Oh Gavin. I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything, to minimize what you're feeling. It would have ended badly my friend. Look at me. I'm about as gay as gay gets. Believe me when I tell you that you and I have more in common than you can imagine - and it's our love for all forms feminine."

Caroline searching for a sign of relief in this wonderful man's expression. She loved Gavin - everything about him was perfect really. Except that he wasn't Kate. He was her challenge, she was his charge. They flowed together like a brilliant stream, water with rock, bringing to life new thoughts, new dreams. They shared a radiant passion for scholarship, for learnedness and refinement. But he wasn't Kate.

Sobering - and yet wanting more drink Caroline toyed with her phone - with the waiting Kate. "You need to free yourself from me Gavin. I am so sorry."

"I can't Caroline."

"I married her Gavin, we married, three weeks ago today. I need your blessing. We need your blessing. You deserve to be happy Gavin, but not with me. Can you believe that?"

"How can I not Caroline? I just wanted for you to find happiness. Kate is stainless." He smiles. Hollow.

* * *

Seeing the headlights pull into the drive Kate empties her glass of wine and sets her book to the top of coffee table. Peering through the front blind she's witness to Caroline's challenged attempts to conquer three stairs - and manages to open the front the door before a doorbell can awaken their toddler.

"Shh sweetheart."

"I didn't say anything." Caroline is sweet and clearly drunk.

"Get in here." Kate pulls her in by the hand bag and waves to the cab driver as he backs out the drive.

"Hi. You look very pretty."

"Hi. You look deliciously drunk."

"Anybody home?"

"Me. You. Liv."

"Good." Caroline tosses her bag to the floor and with tantalizing efficiency tugs, at the tie on Kate's robe.

Exposed.

"Dear God, you drive me to absolute and utterly unforgivable distraction. You make me sinful Kate."

"I know." Humoured yet focused.

Jacket off - to the floor.

Blouse off - to the floor.

Caroline reaches for Kate's shoulders, finds her balance and works to walk the woman backwards toward the stairwell to the second floor.

"Oh no you don't. Right here. Now. Take me, please Caroline."

Kate lands a bare foot flatly between two well-heeled legs and forces Caroline to the wall, leveraging her knee to widen the spread, landing an adept set of fingers on the inside of a thigh just above a stocking - ambitiously dexterous digits with loftier intentions.

"Caroline! Where the hell...?"

"I took them off in the cab."

Dr. Elliot! You removed your knickers in the cab?!

"I did. Hidden talent I acquired in my earlier years."

"Where are they now?"

"In my jacket." She's points just left of the linen heap, it's pocketed treasure slightly exposed.

"Right. Thank you."

The two women now laughing, Kate refusing to release Caroline's drunken bottom lip.

Caroline attempting to separate herself from her heels in an effort to levee herself against her lover.

"NO! You can take off whatever you want, but do not; under any circumstances remove those shoes!" She reaches around to the back of Caroline's waist and pulls the zipper in one very slow and deliberate motion.

Caroline is working to slow her own heartbeat, to balance, steps out of the garment, hands flat against the wall.

Now propped - suitably available, head back. "Kate. Now - please. Dear God please."

"Caroline! Good Lord! What are you two doing? "Celia squawks from the kitchen.

"Mum!"

"Celia!"

"I saw the headlights from my flat, heard a bit of a commotion and came 'round to see if everything was alright. You're drunk.

"Mum I'm a lot of things right now - can you please!?"

Caroline had pulled Kate close now attempting to hide her exposed body with Kate's robe.


	12. Chapter 12 - Champagne

"Kate." It was a statement this time. Not a question.

"I love you Caroline." More than a statement.

They'd been laying head to toe - nude - for over an hour.

This luxurious intensity had begun the very second they'd stepped in the door. It felt as though they had pulled a spring from the clock on the wall - stretched it to its limits - then reinserted it ever so carefully - forcing time into a leisurely rapture.

Caroline had arranged for Alan and Celia to mind 'little Hoo Hoo' in Halifax for the night, along with Lawrence, and promised that she and Kate would be 'round to collect them both before Tea the following day.

"I can't even believe how quiet it is. Can we just stand here and listen for a bit?"

Kate heard an expulsion of nervousness free itself from Caroline's body and wrapped her arms around a faultless neck. "Of course. We can do whatever we want for the rest of our lives."

Never, ever, ever had Kate McKenzie thought that she could dream into existence such a creature. "I put champagne in the fridge."

"You head up. I'll grab it and follow."

"Intoxicating." Kate made it to step three. Halted - turned to see Caroline just leaning - watching, smiling. She made her way back to the landing - to Caroline - stood, hands behind her back and waited.

"If I kiss you tonight Kate - now - the ground will open and swallow me whole."

"Then take my hand before you kiss me. Just take my hand and kiss me."

And so she did. Stolen - robbed of anything that was sensible. Caroline knowingly surrendered.

Slow

Deliberate

Intended

This entire night must be just that.

Releasing Kate from their kiss she headed to the wine fridge and grabbed two champagne flutes from the cupboard next to the cooktop.

Kate having made her way to their bedroom, waited until she knew Caroline was on the stairs, and then reached for the zipper on the side of her dress. Catching Caroline's mirrored reflection entering the room she let the dress fall away to floor, her back to Caroline as she made her way to the shower.

There had been nothing under that dress other than Kate McKenzie - an electrifying note that Caroline made as she poured them each a glass and headed to the ensuite where Kate -pressed against the sink -stood removing her makeup.

"She's learned to play my game - trumped." Caroline spoke to only herself.

"Are you coming in? Kate asked as she reached out for her flute.

"No."

"O.K."

"Is it O.K.?"

"Of course."

And so on the night of their wedding, Caroline Elliot began the inaugural celebration - standing just outside of their shower, door propped open leaning on the wall, sipping champagne and watching as Kate McKenzie, flawless temptress, revelled in the joyous sensation of her lover's watchful eye.

Caroline - ingesting every move,

Every breath,

Every touch,

Speechless,

Timeless,

Everything around her evaporating, all experiences, memories, places, washed away with the vision of Kate.

Kate opens her eyes - and there wholly present is Caroline - just Caroline - having unravelled herself from the binding fabrics, the colours, the textures. All of it absent from this intimacy.

"Your turn." Kate steps by her and takes Caroline's glass as she does so.

Without protest Caroline walks through the steaming fog into the purifying torrent bearing a sensuality that for Kate was endurably appetizing.

"Do you think we can just lie like this and not touch each other? Kate had asked just over an hour ago.

"Doubt it. You're going to hate me for this but at one point, right after we'd mended things - when you were still living in the little cabin - actually the three of us were 'living' in the cabin - I was doing my damndest to keep track of how long I could go without touching you." Caroline's voice had become playful - not taunting.

"How'd you do?"

"Keeping track or not touching you?

"Either."

"Poorly on both counts." She'd rolled over onto her back and was watching the shadows from the setting sun play against the ceiling, removing her wedding band and using it to reflect the light into shapes."

"Hey. Where'd you go?"

"I'm right here. I think I'll always be right here Kate."

"You ready?"

"I've been ready my entire life. Some things just got in the way."

"Where do you want to start?"

"I think with your fingertips, they give the most the pleasure ."

"I thought my lips gave you the most pleasure."

"They do...and your eyes, your breasts, your back, your neck...YOU. I want to start with all of you. And when I've worn that out - you can begin with all of me."

"I think I may enjoy that."

"Good, because the other night, when we were sitting in your car eating cheap meat and chips..."

"Yes..."

"I stole your pickle."

"I know. I let you take it."

"Really?" Disappointed.

"Yup. I just wanted you to think you stole it."

"Kate?" A question this time not a statement.

"I love you Caroline." More than a statement.

"Then let me make love to you."

"Please do."

* * *

"Good Morning?" There was a clear element of stress in Caroline's voice finally having retrieved her mobile from its hiding place among the mountains of paperwork - applications, insurance policies, bursary forms, thank you cards from parents, repair bills and vacation requests.

"Good Morning." Kate drawled from a deep and hazy place, stretching out onto an arched back like a satisfied feline. "You're gone?! I didn't even feel you slip away. Please tell me you're still in the house?"

"Nope." Kate could hear the smile in Caroline's voice.

"You're in your office aren't you?"

"Yup." Still holding back a chuckle. "How's your head? Hung-over?"

"No. Should I be?"

"Well think of this. If you've the need to ask, then yes you probably should be."

"Caroline, you left the house without your ring. Is everything alright?" Sitting now and reaching for her robe at the end of the bed Kate caught a glimpse of an empty champagne bottle on the floor of their ensuite. Odd she thought to herself. And then thinking about it again - "Maybe you're right - there's some evidence here suggesting that somebody has been drinking - in our bathroom Caroline!" Kate had become quickly enlightened.

Clues to the previous night's goings on continued to reveal themselves with every step that Kate took. She glanced at a nightstand alarm - it was only 8 a.m. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh its fine - all's well that ends well. The bloody alarm went off in the administrative wing at 5 am, and as luck would have it I'm the faculty member on call this weekend, so here I am. If it'll make you feel better, I've left the house unbathed and all that. I thought I'd plug the kettle in here and plug away at a few piles in anticipation of a call, and here you are."

"Caroline?"

"Yup."

"What are you doing right now?"

"Well." Pushing my chair back and preparing to head toward home?"

"I know what that means Dr. Elliot. Five minutes of arranging piles, aligning objects on table tops and squaring furniture legs into rug divets. And all of that I can live with, but if you truly are expecting me to be waiting right where I am upon your return, you will promptly return the stack of paperwork that you've just stuffed into you bag, back to its rightful spot on your desk. Clear?" Caroline finally released her pent up laughter. Kate knew her every move along with every potential move she was about to make - it was just what she had been waiting for her entire life.

"Abundantly clear! Don't you move?" Caroline quipped in a sultry but asking tone, yanking the door behind her.

"You've got fifteen minutes Caroline Elliot, no more." Kate instructed heading down the stairs to ready a bag for the day. Last night would have been Olivia's first sleepover and the two women would head out to Halifax to pick up the tiny package and her brother and spend the afternoon with family.

"Brilliant. Do you think we can be on the road in an hour? We've got some family to shock."

* * *

If Caroline Elliot hadn't been so spent - physically, emotionally, sensorially, she'd have potentially noticed the two sedans parked just outside the school grounds as she headed into answer the early morning alarm call. But instead she'd been preoccupied with the previous night's events. The program contents were certainly different than their typical Friday evening - married - dinner - home - shower - bed.

Well on second thought, if she were to look at the list only the first item stood out as being non- routine. The last four - well the beauty was in the details.

This drive to Sulgrave Heath was second nature for Caroline - she probably could have done it in her sleep - this morning could have been just like any other morning, but it was the antithesis of any other morning, ever. The darkened negative of any emotion Caroline had ever experienced. The senses were dulled, drowned in the cocooned remains of a beautiful night, raw with anticipation, with dread.

If she'd had her senses about her and was typically more alert to the details around her - she certainly would have recognized the drivers of both vehicles - not just one.

A pistol exchanged hands for keys, codes and schedules.

He had waited for this opportunity for years, considered himself among other things to be a patient man, but since the opportunity hadn't presented itself as readily as he'd have liked he was more than prepared to take matters into his own hands.

This would be the unravelling of Caroline Elliot.


	13. Chapter 13 Catalogue Caroline Catalogue

_"Come on Caroline. You can do it. Think before Kate. Before Olivia."_

_"What was that?"_ Sound breaking through thought.

_"Who else is here?_ _Breathe Caroline - breathe - do not hold your breath, you know what happened the last time you held your breath - process."_

She is working strenuously to determine location, attempting to navigate her way out of the darkness; aware from time to time that some sounds are external and others have arisen from some internal landscape.

Sparks of Kate's beautiful dictum erupting into flames lapping at her heart - "Catalogue Caroline catalogue…"

"'_Why is it that women like you can prance about in three inch heels?' _-January 2013 - the first time I saw your face."

"'_Could it think, the heart would stop beating.'" - _January 2013 - second time I saw your face."

"'_Love is blind - and a form of madness.'" - _My birthday 2013"

"'_Do you think we can just lie like this and not touch each other?'"_ September 11th 2015 "Wait, we married that day. Come on Caroline - catalogue - breathe..."

"'_...take my hand before you kiss me.'_ That night - our night. I loved our night."

She becomes baffled by the warmth in her chest - delusioned by its source - assigning it "Kate," when a flare spontaneously bursts into flames then literally erupts into wildfire in her brain.

\- And then black.

_"Come on Caroline - you can do it - you know how to be responsive - think before William - before Lawrence."_

_"Where is it? Where did that sound come from?"_

Caroline Elliot is attentive to the rhythms and revolutions of her pain, guiding itself through a scale - a bow manipulating its strings. One moment resonating through melodies of molten magma, the next - slicing itself through, solo, with a serrated scrutiny.

* * *

"Kate, if you'd like to join the rest of Caroline's family we can do that." Dr. Sarah Durham has taken her to a chapel, just one room away from the family room containing Lawrence, Gillian, Celia and Alan.

"I don't even know if she believes in God. We've never discussed it. I know she believes in miracles - that's something right?" Kate is angled on the edge of a pew staring up at a Crucified Christ, suspended in spotlight, then dropping her head to watch the shredded tissue flakes fall to the floor.

"I don't think I'd like to see anybody else. Thank you. Olivia? Where is Olivia?" Panic enters her voice as she attempts to recall who'd be caring for Olivia.

"Who has Olivia Kate?"

"She came with us to the hospital. But I don't have her."

"Kate if I leave you here for a moment or two will you be alright? I'll go inquire as to where Olivia may be and obtain an update on Caroline's progress. What do you think?"

"Sure."

"Kate I'm not going to bring Olivia back with me though."

"Why?"

"You and I still have a few items to discuss."

Silence.

Kate sits for some time; unaware that Caroline is being gingerly cared for, just on the other side of the concrete wall, next to her - only feet away from each other.

Beginning to feel the density of it all, worried beyond worry that Caroline is alone - awake - and unconsoled, Kate loses control and for the first time in her life becomes devoured by sorrow - abandons reason all together and gets up to run.

"If I leave it - it will leave me." Turning out of her pew, both vision and thought impeded she collides directly into Dr. Durham.

"O.K. Kate." Sarah, consistently calm, takes both of Kate's hands into her own. Olivia's just fine, she's being well cared for. You'd given her to your sister-in-law, Gillian."

"I need to go. I need to leave."

"Where are you going to go Kate?"

"To the country, we've got a home there."

"Would you like to talk about Caroline for a bit before you go? Actually Kate, I think that if you feel you can wait for another ten to fifteen minutes, you and I can go to see Caroline. She's actually been asking for you."

Nimbly she reaches out just in time as Kate's legs buckle beneath her. One arm around her waist the other supporting an elbow and forearm she suspends Kate long enough to allow her to find her legs and then guides her immediately to a pew. Knowingly Sarah Durham sits, is prepared to sit, for as long as it takes for Kate McKenzie to articulate what's on her mind.

"That's not my Caroline."

"I know Kate. But Caroline doesn't know that."

Kate looks up, understanding emerging out of fear.

"Would you like to know what I think Kate?"

"Yes." Working her way to brave.

"Kate, you know that Caroline's been very badly injured. But she is still Caroline; she is still your wife. If you leave here Kate she's on her own. I know that she has other family members that love her, but they are also dependent upon her based on relationship - her mum, her sons, Olivia. But you're her partner Kate, and by definition I'm guessing that she's going to expect to see you tonight. She's been asking for you - repeatedly."

Kate sits in silence for a bit - glaring intensely into the Dr.'s caring eyes. Sarah Durham feels an all too familiar twinge that rears its ugly head far too often in this professional role. But tonight there is something else. Kate McKenzie's love for Caroline Elliot is different, atypical, and almost celestial.

"Do you want to know what's happening with Caroline?"

"Some of it - I think - ah - No. That's a lie. I don't want to know. I don't want to know any of it. I want to tell you about Caroline."

"O.K. Kate. We've got time."

Kate was now sobbing uncontrollably.

"She's immortal yet perishes at a single glance."

"She is radiant and cloudy all at the same time."

"She is the definition of decadence but built upon virtue."

"She dances with angels without even trying then leaves them wanting for more."

"She delights in all things pure and good - yet can be wistfully sinful."

"It has taken her lifetimes to find her way here - to us - but something keeps drawing her elsewhere. Our love wasn't easy to find."

"Caroline must process each breath, each touch, each emotion - all beginnings for her are like rasp on rind - abrading away at a husk - her armour."

"We were there - we'd located the balm - cooled the wounds."

"And now this, what do I do? I'm afraid this will unravel her."

"Then let's go find her Kate. The Trauma team tells me that she's been in and out of consciousness frequently this evening, but within the past half hour has held her own despite the side effects of the pain medication she's been given. She's awake Kate and wants to see you."

"I'm going to tell you what they've done for her Kate. I need to minimize your anxiety so that it doesn't become her anxiety - understand?"

"Yes."

"They've bathed her, set one limb fracture - her left forearm, she's had a few stitches and they're working to reduce the swelling in her face and eyes and you know her face is badly bruised. They're now readying her for surgery, so they're going to shave her head Kate ."

Inhale. "O.K." Stops breathing for a touch - exhales.

"Kate the surgery is going to focus on a subdural hematoma, a blood clot that is putting pressure on her brain. Recovery from this type of forced trauma can be lengthy and require a substantial amount of work, love and patience. I think that's it for now Kate."

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else that you and I need to be concerned with tonight."

"There's more."

"Some things more Kate - Yes. But let's stick with this and know that she's safe. The rest we'll deal with at Caroline's pace. She's going to have a story to tell Kate, but we need to make certain that she can tell it. Ready?"

"No, well yes."

"When you get to her side Kate, let her know you're there and then take her hand. Your heart will do the rest. I promise you. We've got about five minutes with her Kate before they take her to surgery.

* * *

Kate stood just inside the trauma room door, nearly leaning on Dr. Sarah Durham.

The room was in complete silence but for the sounds, beeps and sighs of machines and monitors. It felt like forever, the walk from the door to where Caroline lay.

"Hi." It was all that could come out. Remembering to take Caroline's hand, Kate felt the earth tilt. It was Caroline; it felt like Caroline, it even smelled like Caroline.

There was nothing at first.

No response - no reflex - no acknowledgement.

Kate was mapping - learning the new terrain - waiting.

And then it happened, a thumb intently tracing the back of Kate's hand.

"Kate." It was the same word that Caroline Elliot had repeated ceaselessly all evening - it had been her compass for so long now, its bearer teaching Caroline to find her way, how to light, to remain, to accomplish, to rise.

The next bit came out slowly - it was work - but it was clear.

"Kate. I'm here."

"I know sweetheart - I can see you."


	14. Chapter 14 - Was Today a Date

"Was today a date?"

Caroline had pulled the Jeep into the driveway, dropped it into park and turned to face Kate - who was now surrounded by grocery bags - two bottles of wine resting on her lap.

Unbuckling her seat belt and leaning back against the head rest, a smile lighting her beautiful face.

"Well, I guess that depends." Kate was feeling mischievous.

"Depends?"

"Yes depends."

"OONnn Whhatt?" Caroline became a bit fiery.

"On whether or not it felt like a date." Provoking.

"I see." Ball's in your court Caroline. A full minute passes. Ball's still in your Caroline.

"You alright?"

"Well yes, I'm fine. Its just - well - I'm trying to compare it to something - and I've nothing to compare it to."

"Well Caroline surely you've dated before."

"Yes. John and I dated. A century ago."

"I see. Women?"

"We should go in - before the rain starts again." Caroline became visibly uncomfortable.

"Or before the police track us down."

"Hah! Please no. Once in a day is plenty for me thank you."

* * *

"Caroline the place is lovely." The two women had removed their jackets and made their way to the kitchen, Caroline of course reaching for a corkscrew by tendency.

"It is isn't it?" She softened, settled.

Kate could actually hear her calming, saw the rise and fall of her chest begin to delay. Caroline was literally grounding before Kate's very eyes..

"Let me get something." Caroline darted into her office and returned with a large tattered paint stained envelope. "Take a look at some of these." She then turned the contents out onto the island countertop.

Kate saw the turn - it was palpable - Caroline had softened, instantly, her hands discreetly working to create a storyboard across the counter. Enchanting. This - Kate had not seen before.

And then it dawned. She recognized it, she had read this chapter in novels, pulled it from poetry, observed it in opera, drawn it from on stage dramas, but never had she dreamt that it actually could exist. This classical, archetypal almost primal female cast. She was immaculate.

Kate McKenzie would always remember this as the moment she fell in love.

"What are they?" She barely managed.

"Before and after photos of the house. The renovations."

"I must admit, when I saw the SOLD sign go up I wondered who'd be nutty enough to buy the place - but it is unbelievable."

"I've been wanting to put them in an album, but it's just been too hectic."

"Can I help?"

"Help me put photographs in an album? Why would you ever want to do that?"

There was the tone again. When it had first surfaced Kate thought it pompous, but the more she got to know Caroline Elliot, well, she actually quite liked the way it made her feel. It had an innocence to it, a chastity.

"What I meant was; can I help you with dinner Caroline?" Deadpan and waiting.

"Oh - hah! Sorry. We seem to do that a fair amount don't we? Get the wires crossed - change about - double-cross. What is that?" Caroline could feel her blood begin to course - thicken - as Kate took only one step toward her. One step that landed her only inches from Caroline, reaching out for one of the two full glasses that Caroline had been drinking from.

"I'm not easy Kate."

"Nobody said you were easy Caroline - I was just coming in for a sip - and possibly a kiss?"

"No, no. I don't mean 'easy' that way...although that's also true. I mean I'm not easy - I can be problematic, unyielding, and exacting even, from time to time."

Caroline was beginning to feel lightheaded. Possibly this had been a bad idea. What she really needed was sleep. The past months had rendered her wearisome and suddenly - impact.

"Um dinner, nope. I think I'm good." She glanced about the kitchen looking at the ingredients she'd divided by purpose. Are you cold?"

"A touch yes. Still damp I think from this afternoon." Kate had pulled her cardigan taught and wrapped her arms around her chilled torso.

"I could run you a bath? Or you could shower. Would you like that?"

"Could you?" Kate gave a bit of a crooked smile - one eyebrow raised.

"I could yes."

Caroline became awkward. "Come - you can use my bathroom. I dare even look at what the boys have done with theirs."

Returning to the kitchen Caroline poured herself another glass of wine - and another - and then one more. Propped against the cook top - she rested. "What are you playing at Caroline?"

* * *

By the time Kate returned to the kitchen the aroma of a well composed meal had enveloped the entire house, the soul of Bebel Gilberto haunting the air, table set and Caroline freed of the dampened sweater she'd had on earlier - replaced by a simple silk blouse - her hair now tied back. All Kate could do was stand - pegged.

Caroline had caught Kate's reflection in the garden window - but chose to sleuth for a bit rather than turn right away.

"Hi - I'm back."

"So you are. Better?" Caroline made her way back to Kate with a fresh glass - and a bit of a grin.

"Much."

"Good. Dinner's ready."

And then something oddly spontaneous happened - to Caroline Elliot?

Without taking her eyes from Kate, she reached out for her hand, walked her to the dining room table, pulled a chair and sat her down. Blushed and a bit bewildered by her own actions Caroline then darted to the waiting dishes on the opposite side of the kitchen, leaned into the counter hands spread on either side of her for support, head down - a pause - and then hysterical laughter. She then turned; arms folded and leaned again, her laughter waning just a touch.

"What?" Kate's confused - but not.

"What was that? What did I just do?"

"You pulled the chair out for me."

"That's what I thought I did." Now both are laughing uncontrollably. Caroline carries two salad plates to the table; Arugula and Asparagus with blueberry vinaigrette - simple and elegant.

Caroline Elliot would always remember this as the moment she tumbled into love.

Dinner was intoxicating. Upon rising in the morning Caroline had set four beef shanks to braise in the oven for the remainder of the day - resting in plenty of water and acid to extract the perfect amount of mineral - rendering a broth that shimmered amber in the light. Served in a shallow bowl over a mound of Amaranth - hollowed and then centred with a macadamia oil and surrounded by root vegetables - Kate was certain it was the most delicate yet complicated thing she'd ever eaten.

"How...?"

"It's Chemistry." Caroline answered before Kate could finish her question. Its fundamental chemistry. Elements play with each other in intricate ways, opposing, balancing and repelling in a complex manner, a manner that can create different sensory experiences all in one dish. It's really the reason that one bite can be different than another - but still oddly the same." She had taken to rambling, hands on lap, not looking up to notice that Kate had put her spoon down, fixated.

Caroline looks up. "I'm sorry."

"No don't be. Please - go on."

"I checked the messages while you were in the shower. Two messages. One from my mum, she's at a friends for the night. Hasn't done that in years. Weird. The second was from Grace."

"Grace? Really. Grace Mitchell?"

"Yup." Caroline had stood, beginning to clear the table.

"What did she want?" Awkwardness in Kate's tone as she stands to assist.

"She was checking in to see if I was feeling alright, given that I wasn't at school today. She'd stopped by to say hello and Beverly told her I was out sick." The two women are now avoiding eye contact.

"That was nice of her." Slightly flustered.

Caroline sets a bowl down just a touch too hard. "She also said, 'Say Hello to Kate for me.'"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"How?" Second time this evening Kate doesn't get to finish.

"Good question. Did you tell anybody we were spending the day together?"

"No...well, NO. I didn't."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Odd. Then...?"

"Don't know. She's complex Caroline."

"Oh don't worry, I'm well aware of that."

"Are you?"

"Nope. No, not, NO. We're not having that discussion tonight Kate."

"O.K." Smug.

* * *

After a few hours of simply sitting in the family room enjoying a selection of cheeses, more wine and plenty of conversation, lengthy, intricate conversation Caroline begins to nod.

"Caroline I should go."

"No. Don't go. I'm just relaxed. It's lovely. It's wonderful. Stay. You can stay in the spare room and we can do something tomorrow."

"No I should go, call a cab."

"Please don't." Caroline stood in protest - then dipped. "Whoops."

"Caroline. Let me take you upstairs and then I'll call a cab, head home, you can ring me tomorrow when you're up to it, you're exhausted."

Kate could feel the weight of Caroline's burden as she wrapped her arm around her shoulder. It had probably been more than months that Caroline Elliot's life had been in turmoil, she would think years, maybe even decades.

Caroline drops like dead weight to the bed, Kate spins her around like a hinge, fully clothed, and covers her with the quilt from the bottom of the bed.

"Stay." Her eyes already half closed. "Just stay Kate. Please."

So there it was, for the first time, in the light of her shadowed room Caroline Elliot watched as Kate's beautiful silhouette made its way around the base of her bed to the other side.

Not certain of where to put herself, Kate stayed to the very left of the bed uncovered, planning to slink away once Caroline had fallen to sleep.

But Caroline managed to find her way.

Moving into Kate, pulling her in, surrounding her - descending into sleep, all the while assimilating Kate, her scent, her form, her sounds, deeper and deeper into a sleep that Caroline had searched for, longed for her entire life. Safe.

Kate chose to stay awake. To rise and fall to the movements that were Caroline.

Periodically a noise, her lips opening on the back of Kate's neck, a leg working its way between Kate's, a pull, a hand over her breast. Caroline navigating her way through the entire night - navigating her way to Kate.

Absent of any and all conscious awareness Caroline would spend her night bringing them both to a state of sluggish arousal. A state that would never really leave them, would bind them, join them. It would become persistent, incurable.

For the first time Kate would feel herself disappear, enter the gateway that would become so familiar, allow herself to become engulfed in the love that was Caroline. To vanish.

And so, when morning came, and the glow of the early sun offered its first light Kate finally turned to face the love that had pervaded their entire night, and kissed Caroline Elliot into wakefulness.


	15. Chapter 15 - Toast, Tea & Marmalade

"Where would you like to work today Caroline?"

"Can we walk - outside maybe, possibly?"

Dr. Sarah Durham had wandered into the hospital cafeteria some time after 8am in the hopes of finding her charge eating some sort of a breakfast. But, not unlike yesterday or the days prior she could see, as she made her way across the room, that once again Caroline Elliot had pushed her toast and marmalade aside in lieu of nothing but a cup of tea.

Sarah's heart ached for this woman. She'd experienced plenty of sleepless nights in the past month, attempting to tie together the pieces of Caroline's story. A better understanding of the tragic events that had taken place on that late Friday afternoon in early October would have given Durham some context in which to place her patient's disjointed memories, memories that seemed so reluctant to surface. Her greater worry, was that as Caroline Elliot's health restored, as she regained language, dexterity, competence and strength,she became better at withholding the fractions of recall that she was once so free to deliver. Her filters were returning - defenses were building. Durham could sense that her opportunities were limited. A curtain was about to drop.

In the midst of her daily routine or on the commute back and forth to home she would find her mind wandering to her patient and asking herself repeatedly, "Would I be any different? Would I not want to just move forward, to nullify the damage? I would, but there's more to this. Something is missing; she's holding something, protecting someone or something." And so today she had prepared herself to force the conversation, to open the wound.

"Of course we can if you're up to it. It's shaping up to be a brilliant day."

"I do, feel up to it that is."

"Will you be fine on your own or shall we bring some support?" Sarah knew to tread lightly when it came to discussing the walker that Caroline had parked earlier, next to her chair.

"God, I hate that thing Sarah. It feels so...what's the word?"

"Geriatric?"

"Yup. In a previous life I would have gotten that one pretty quick." It narrated as a joke, but Sarah knew the creator was devastated.

"What am I sensing today Caroline?"

"I'd like to go home Sarah, even just for a day, just an afternoon. Please."

"I'm sorry Caroline, but we can't, not yet. It will come, but not just yet."

"Right." Caroline turned to the window, taking in the impending winter. Leaves making their way to the ground in well-timed tempos, leaving their branches wanting for warmth. "I know how they feel."

"Who Caroline?"

"The trees."

"How do they feel?"

"How does who feel?" Caroline repeated the question, slightly altered, still on topic but somewhat disoriented.

"The trees. You said 'I know how they feel.'"

"Sarah. Can I be honest?" Caroline had folded her hands on the table and was making an attempt to control the conversation. Not today.

"Of course."

"I understand my disorientation. I understand that my baseline sensorium is not functioning appropriately. But I'm sometimes confused when you answer one of my questions with another question. I can't tell if it's my disorientation, or if you're attempting to lead me in a specific direction." The timbre resonating the intent.

"You're angry today?!"

"There - that is precisely what I'm referring to. I'm not able to discern - statement or question." Caroline drove her elbows to the table and slammed her head into her palms."

"Caroline, please be careful. Who are you angry with today?"

Whoofh...well. Let's see. I'm angry with my mum for setting the bar so invisibly high. I'm angry with John for making me his muse and nothing else. I'm angry with the boys for being so beautifully themselves, delightful and perfect. I'm angry with Olivia for being so brilliantly Olivia.

"Anybody else?"

"I don't think so." She seemed confused by the question. "Who else could there be?"

"Kate?" Are you angry with Kate for anything?

"No, I could never be angry with Kate. It's Kate who should be angry with me." Ah, a crack appears. Caroline began to turn her wedding band on her finger.

"You're ring is beautiful Caroline." Sarah hadn't acknowledged the remark, but instead catalogued for future reference.

"Thank you. We had them fabricated - our rings."

"Kate said you designed them."

"I did, yes."

"So there's a story then?"

"There's always a story." Caroline demonstrated an air of confidence whenever her old wit paddled to surface.

"Care to share?"

"Not today. I don't think so. No."

"Do you worry you'll lose it?"

"Lose it? Why?"

"Well, it seems a touch loose don't you think?"

"I suppose. I'm careful."

"Caroline." Sarah settled a file delicately on the table between them.

"Oh here we go." Flashes of crimson charge to the surface of Caroline's skin - painting emotions across the clear pale palette.

She recognized the file as being her own. Every day she was subjected to the ins and outs of her behaviour, her progress - or lack of.

She'd had enough, she was becoming transparent.

She was naked, vulnerable, unravelled. Liable even.

In recent days she had become, defensive, resistive, guarded. Beseeching a will from a life gone cold.

A life time of thwarting any kind of invasion, a skill in which she took great pride, was gone now. Left with the damage, and most certainly it was gone when in the company of this woman. Sarah Durham had a way of getting to the heart of a matter, pouncing on it and not letting go. Caroline knew that she was not going to give up until she got what she came for. She would have been disarming at the best of times, but now, with so little armour, it had become exhausting.

"Now that's a tone."

"I don't know what you want from me Sarah."

"You do know Caroline - and you are aware that you know. You just don't want to do the work, but I can be as patient as you need me to be."

"Oh Fuck off!" Caroline drove both fists to the table, inviting a turn of heads. But for many this had become a daily display, and in recognition of the patient, and out of respect, most would turn back around, back to their breakfasts and morning gossip. Dr. Caroline Elliot, Headteacher, Sulgrave Heath, being at the heart of much of that gossip. People had died that day, and some felt that she held the answer to what had happened.

"So, let's just review what I received this morning." Caroline sat like a child - watching her. Her eyes darting from the file to Sarah and back again to the file. Sarah Durham, the woman to whom Caroline clung so closely in the hopes that she would eventually be able to weave herself back together.

Sarah opened the file, thick with a month's worth of documentation from the trauma team.

"You paced the hallway until three o'clock this morning until you finally gave in from exhaustion and took your medication."

"Right."

"Then you awoke screaming at 5am and it took three nurses to restrain you. Sheets needed changing, you'd soaked the bed through with sweat."

"Right." Caroline was becoming passive. Trying her best to recognize herself in the behaviour.

"Then you proceeded to pace the hallway again until the cafeteria opened at 7am, at which point you dressed and made your way here for a cup of tea, but nothing to eat."

"Right. O.K. Not some of my best moments admittedly. Your point? I personally think it's the medication."

"My point is Caroline, oh one last thing, you've dropped just over a kilo in the past week. My point being. I'm concerned, I'm worried. I shouldn't be. Clinically it's not my job to worry. What's making me uneasy though is this; If you can be this hard headed, this stubborn, this mulish in the state that you're in - I can't begin to imagine how you are going to cope should I authorize your release. "

"Your concerned? Your concerned! Bloody hell. Has anybody noticed that this three ring circus used to be my life. My well-constructed, well organized, beautifully normal life. And this morning I could barely tie my shoes." Her voice still abashedly loud - she'd no control.

"You're not wearing any shoes Caroline."

Caroline peers under the table, and manages the smallest of smiles. "O.K., right, but you do get my point. I feel like a modern day version of Phineas sodding Gage, walking around with this thing imbedded in my head. Unable to complete a simple sentence some days - on my own, alone, without my family." There is an audible pause. "Without Kate." She calms again, eyes filled with tears.

"Well you seem to be doing just fine at the moment. You're making yourself very well understood this morning. And I should remind you that only minutes ago you were angry with your family. Shall we walk?"

"Sure. Apparently I'll need shoes though."

"A coat wouldn't harm either." Sarah rose, looking down at Caroline staring up at her. Dr. Durham was acutely aware of how dependent this woman had become on her guidance, but she was going to have to fold at some point.

"Do you mind?" The Dr. had pointed down to the slice of toast, glazed with marmalade still sitting on the table.

"Please do." The two women were headed to the door. "You eat quite a bit don't you?"

"Well you're constantly leaving it around, aren't you?" Durham quipped. "I don't like waste."

"Fair enough." Caroline couldn't argue the logic.

* * *

The two women had walked for five minutes and then sat allowing Caroline to rest some.

"I need to explain a few things to you today Caroline. Are you up for it?"

"Sure." It wouldn't matter if she weren't.

"Where would you like to start, medical or clinical?"

"Medical please." Christ.

"Caroline, I need to remind you that we have implanted an intracranial monitor in the lateral ventricle of your brain. It's constantly measuring and adjusting pressure in order to decompress the brain should the pressure fluctuate."

"Right." Caroline's head dropped. Staring at the ground.

"I have a complete understanding of how confusing and frustrating things have become for you, but I am increasingly concerned that your outbursts, nightmares, and the emotional roller coaster you are on, continues to put you in danger, despite the work that the monitor is doing. I'm concerned that if you and I can't make progress clinically that we may have to consider a medically induced coma as a solution to manage the metabolic functions of your brain, to alleviate the over stimulation of some areas."

"Right. May be a touch easier than the bloody racket going on my head right now."

"Which brings us to the clinical piece."

"Right."

"Caroline, you need to articulate 'the bloody racket going on' in your head.

"I'm aware."

"How can I help you begin?"

Caroline shrugs. Hopeless. Her thoughts are tumbling somewhat freely now. "There's nothing to lose - nothing left to keep. Bottom of the well Caroline. Decision time. I can stay and rot, or take a hand." She's running her feet in the dirt, digging at the nail bed on her left thumb - trying to breath.

Dr. Durham prepares herself for the long periods of silence that can accompany therapy as patients ready themselves to relive their worst nightmares.

Sarah can see the rise and fall of Caroline's chest begin to quicken - rapidly. For the first time in just over four weeks she catches a glimpse of the woman, the woman she may have been before things began to unravel. The bone structure, the strength, the brilliantly blue eyes, the posture.

"I'm responsible for what happened that day Sarah."

"Why?"

"I agreed to it."

"What do you mean you agreed to it Caroline?" Sarah wanted to explain that it's not uncommon for victims to internalize responsibility, blame themselves. But she was aware of who she was dealing with, the level of intelligence. The integrity. And so she waited.

"It's a long story. I'm petrified that if I begin it'll never end."

'I've got time Caroline. It's just you and I. We've got all day."

"Kate's coming at four."

"We can be done by four. You're stalling Caroline. You've made a good start, please try to continue."

"Can I ask a favour before we go any further?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Can you please not teach Kate any of your lovely techniques for keeping me on point. It would make my life a living hell."

"Consider it done."

"Thank you."

"Continue Caroline." Oddly - they both found this funny.

"In early August I was contacted to deliver a statement at the parole hearing for Robert Duncan"

"The Oxford Rapist?"

"Correct."

"You were a victim."

"...yes"

"He's William's biological father."

"...yes. That same day, I went to visit Will at Oxford and took him through the entire story, as delicately as one can. He was of course devastated, hurt, angry. I insisted that he travel back to Harrogate with me - that was a Tuesday evening. On our way home I received the call informing me that the Parole Board had agreed to release."

"What was Will's reaction?"

"I chose to not tell him. The release would not take place for nearly four months, the end of his sentence, December of this year."

"And since, he has been arrested in connection with the attack on you, and the events at Sulgrave last month."

"Yes."

"I'm afraid I'm confused Caroline."

"He was released the next day, the day after we returned from Oxford."

"How?"

"The prisons are crowded. He was due to be released in December, so why not now - make room?" Caroline had begun to shake uncontrollably.

"Would you like to take a break?"

"I can't. Thank you."

"How long did it take him to contact you?"

"The next day, the Wednesday. It hadn't been released to the public; it was negligent on all counts Sarah. But he was looking for Will. He told me he'd been to the University before contacting me, looking for him."

"Stupidly, I panicked, I agreed to his request."

"What was the request Caroline?" Sarah could feel her stomach beginning to turn.

Caroline Elliot looked up to the heavens. Certain of one thing. "There is no God Sarah."

"Some would agree Caroline." This time she knew to not push. She sat and waited.

Minutes passed when finally Caroline turned herself slightly on the bench and looked Sarah Durham directly in the eyes.

"It wasn't Will he wanted Sarah, it was me. He was using the threat of Will to terrorize me. And if not Will then who next, Lawrence, Mum, Olivia, Kate, who? And so I agreed."

"Oh Caroline. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It was my doing. My stupidity. But I was terrified. It was a stupid thing to do. For whatever reason I couldn't find the benefit in going to the Police. I couldn't see the logic. I though I knew who Robert Duncan was. In my mind, he'd get what he wanted regardless.

"Caroline, you mentioned earlier that Kate should be angry with you. Why?"

"I lied to her. She asked me the night after I returned from Oxford, the Wednesday, we were out to dinner, she'd taken me to some horrible fast food drive through and we were sitting in her car; she'd asked if the parole board had deliberated. I told her 'no'. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her what I'd agreed to. How can you tell somebody that you love so deeply that you've agreed to something so outrageous?"

"Is there more Caroline?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to continue?"

"No. But I'm going to."

"Kate and I married late that Friday afternoon, the 11th of September. It was quiet, simple, all that we wanted. Afterward the boys headed out to Halifax with Olivia for the night, Alan and Mum were already at the farm. Kate and I were to head out on Saturday to break our news and collect Liv.

"It was beautiful - it was our night."

"So to be certain. You travelled to Oxford on Tuesday the 8th, he made contact on Wednesday the 9th, you and Kate married on the Friday. But the attack wasn't for another three weeks, not until the 9th of October?."

"We had agreed to the Saturday morning, the morning after Kate and I married. We had agreed that he would pull the alarm at Sulgrave, in the administration wing early Saturday morning. I was the faculty on call. I would take the call from the alarm company and then head in to ensure the building was secure and reset the alarm. There would be nobody there to hurt, nobody injured."

"Nobody except you Caroline."

"... right"

"I had planned that when he came into view, when I had made eye contact with him I would activate the 999 emergency code for the school. It's a silent transmission, no alarms, no bells, but he didn't come."

"What?"

"He didn't come. He set off the alarm. He'd been there Sarah. But he didn't come to me. He didn't come for me."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You and I both. I convinced myself that he'd developed cold feet. Ran away. Taken his game elsewhere."

"But he hadn't."

"No."

Caroline Elliot doubled in two. Her head in her lap, forearms wrapped around the back of her head. "He knew what he was doing Sarah. He knew people were going to die. Everything he did, every word he spoke, all of it, planned. He left me with all of this. Deliberately, intentionally. I'm here, in it up to my neck. Will always be.

"Caroline. None of this, none of it, is your fault. This is the mind of a mad man. We will find the way out of this for you. I promise."

Caroline sat up, wiping her eyes, and again looking up into the heavens.

"Still not there huh?"

"Nope. And I'm not holding my breath." The sun had broken through the clouds and Caroline was temporarily blinded to the silhouette that appeared before her.

"Hi."

"Kate?" Caroline raised a hand to block the sun.

"You were on my mind all morning. Thought I'd bring us lunch. She held up a bag from her favourite cheap meat burger joint. It's better than 9F."

"I love you."

"I know. Extra pickle."

Sarah Durham stood. "You two enjoy your lunch. Kate it's lovely to see you. Caroline I'll see you this afternoon."

"Actually Sarah, we'll walk in with you. I'm beginning to feel the cold. We can eat inside?" Caroline looked at Kate for approval.

"Of course."

"Sarah, there's one more thing."

"Alright."

"The dreams, the flashbacks. He's not alone. It's real, repetitive, almost familiar. I can't make it out, but there's more than one voice."


	16. Chapter 16 - The Cabin

"Do you remember the day we stood in the vestibule of the chapel and bantered about the idea of a life together?" Caroline had carefully squared herself on the end of a patio lounger allowing Kate to hand over the bundle. "I'm sorry Kate; I'm still a bit clammy from the ride." Laying a receiving blanket over her salt suffused legs.

And so there she was for the very first time - on display, lay out, entirely visible, sleeping so severely - the way babies do. The clouds had cleared and the late afternoon sun was being tugged from the sky. Tiny sweet Olivia stretched out the length of her lap, wearing nothing but a nappy.

Caroline inventoried every bit of that baby, from head to toe, taking in every finger, each ear, every eye lash, every curl, her eyes glancing at Kate periodically for compare and contrast.

Just when she'd thought she'd finally rid herself of love - along came Liv.

Olivia Caroline McKenzie.

"Of course I remember it Caroline. It was the day you told me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me." Kate had made her way to the step just off the front of the deck only a foot or so away from the end of the lounger, knees pulled up to provide a rest for her chin.

"Yah - I also told you that I wasn't blinkered - and look where that got us."

Kate spurts out a bit of a giggle. Nervous.

Caroline was smiling now, she'd turned Olivia over onto her side rubbing her back and forcing a stretch.

"You had to walk up the chapel aisle in dead silence. It was priceless."

"Hahh. Don't worry - I recall. You'd threatened to kiss me only seconds earlier, I thought my legs were going to give way. It's a long aisle."

"I've always wondered how you managed with those heals on the cobbles."

"Smoke and mirrors Kate, smoke and mirrors."

"Caroline?"

"Yes." Interrupted from her inventory.

"Caroline, she's all there." Kate's sweet smile, russet skin, the charcoaled eyes, tugging at the one remaining life line, tattered but still hooked to Caroline's heart, ripping away at the muscle.

"I know, I know. But she's just so delicious. She's beautiful, and she's so, so different, so not like the boys - it's strange."

"That was the same day that I blindsided you with 'I want a baby'."

"Didn't see that one coming. Same night I tried to poison you with peanuts."

"And here she is."

"And here we're not." Caroline bluttered out in an almost bitter tone.

"Ouch. God you're good at that. Wasn't my call Caroline."

"Really? Well let's list them out shall we."

Caroline had come prepared, she'd had plenty of time on the ride over to plan and practice her prattle.

"I dumped you - then you dumped me - then I came back for you - then you came back for me - and then I ran. Fair enough. I'm the ass and the idiot. I've no dignity left Kate, let's do whatever we need to do, say whatever we need to say. I'm not beyond grovelling or begging, whatever you want. Should be noted for the record however, I've tried that method before and well, we know where that led."

_That's it Caroline, step right into spiteful._

"So why are you here now? Other than a nice Saturday ride, which by the way I had no idea you cycled."

"They say replace one passion with another, so I got back on the bike."

"Is that right? Do they? Feels like I've been replaced by a hobby."

_Things are flying now._

"I'm here because you asked me to come." _Somebody save me from myself._

"I asked you to come? When did I ask you to come? We've not had a decent or kind word to say to each other since Christmas Eve. Its May – you know that right? I know I've been busy, birthing a baby and all of that, but I think I'd remember doling out an invitation. I'd have maybe even planned for a visit, not left myself looking like this, soaked through, half naked and hardly awake. So enlighten me Caroline." A hint of haughty hanging from her tongue.

_Save your soul Kate, there's a hurricane on the horizon and it's got Caroline written all over it._

"Yah, you're not wearing a bra, it's umm over on the ch..."

"Yes I'm aware of my wardrobe issues Caroline, continue." _Jesus Christ this woman._

Kate could feel her blood beginning to boil. Angry not at Caroline, not even at herself. Instead hurt that they could love each other this much. That it could still be this sharp, this sore. And Olivia - their Olivia - slept on.

"How did you even know where to find me?"

"Oh easy one, phew." She reached in to one of the pockets on the back of her jersey where she's tucked the note. From the card you left in the envelope with Olivia's picture. Beverly gave it to me." She'd reached out to pass the address to Kate."

"Caroline."

"What."

"I didn't give you this address."

"It was in the envelope Kate. How? Where the hell am I anyway?"

"I gave that photograph to Beverly, for Beverly. I gave her this new address for my personnel file."

"Beverly! Sneaking, conniving...Beverly. I should go. This has been a mistake. The one time in my sickening sodding life I listen to Celia…"

"Go. I'm not chasing. I can't. Walk through the door and I don't want to see you, hear from you, none of it. Turn it back to yesterday Caroline, put it back in its proper place. Go!"

Caroline had stood, made her way through the garden doors and back into the living room. Placing Olivia back in her cot after landing a lingering kiss on her tiny forehead, soliciting a wiggle and what appeared to be some kind of smile.

"Where are you? You're in my home Caroline. It was mum and dad's summer place. I sold the house and took over the deed. It's peaceful here - most days."

"We moved in the day before yesterday. I dropped by Sulgrave yesterday after running errands in town."

"We?" Caroline's tone depresses. _Dark cloud looming overhead - large dark cloud._

Kate steps close enough to provoke, stays far enough to not imply. "Yes Caroline, we. Olivia and I."

"I see. I need to go. Where are my socks?"

"Look at me."

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"I'm telling you! I am absolutely telling you. Look at me." Kate actually stomped a foot.

For the first time since they'd met, since they'd known each. For the first time since they'd made love, moved in, had sex, broken up, made up, ran away - Caroline heard Kate's voice crack.

It stopped her cold. Tears were in her eyes, lips were twitching.

Kate. Kate McKenzie - her Kate - the Kate who always had an answer - had time - loved her wholly, loved her gently, treated her kindly.

Loved her like nobody had loved her.

Even on that day when Caroline had rushed to the hospital, to be by her side, Kate had managed to maintain control, to show calm. What was this?

"Look at me and tell me that you don't love me."

"What are you doing Kate?"

"Dismiss me. Dump me. Do it."

"No."

" Coward! You're a coward Caroline. You weren't there when Olivia came. I'm.. so angry with you for that."

"I was there when you thought you were going to lose her."

_Draw._

"You walked away Christmas morning."

"I ran Kate, let's be clear. I didn't walk."

_Standoff._

"My mother sent me."

"What?"

"Told me to fix it."

"Celia?"

"Yup."

"I can't trump that. That's a good one."

"Marry me."

"What?"

"Marry me."

"God you're unbearable." Second stomp of the foot. Olivia stirs.

"Established. Agreed. One hundred percent. I am completely unbearable. And I'm not going to stand here and tell you that I'll change, or that I'll endeavour to do better. I don't have any 'better' left in me Kate. That's why I need you. That's why you're here. You didn't come along when John and I were happy; you didn't come along when I was in University, although that would have been nice come to think of it."

"Caroline!"

"You came when I needed you Kate. And then the rules changed, you expected that I was going to be somehow different. And someday, maybe in the future, I don't know, I may alter, somehow. But for now Kate - I'm flawed; I am dramatically, indignantly flawed - to the core, fundamentally.

"Right." And there it was.

_Thunder rolls._

"I'm your burden Kate - I'm your cross. I'm your penance for our sin."

"We're not sinful Caroline."

"Well we can be, there was that one ti.."

"Caroline. I'm not referring to that type of 'sinful'. God for such an intelligent woman I have to wonder periodically.."

"What would we be if I changed? We'd be stripped down, stifled, strangled. You'd suffocate Kate. I can't do that to you. So it's this Kate - with all the flaws and insecurities or its...

This time Caroline looked her directly in the eyes... "nothing. I'm sorry Kate."

Kate's now doing that thing that she does - attempting to force her foot through a floorboard, leaning and drawing a line along the counter's edging using only her thumb and forefinger. Back and forth, back and forth - each time ending the trail a touch closer to Caroline, until the back of her fingers graze the front of Caroline's jersey.

Its audible, Kate hears it, a quick sharp intake of air into Caroline's mouth. Now looking down, Caroline's perfectly manicured feet, bare against the pine flooring, not moving, not shifting, grounded.

_Still Standoff._

"Take your clothes off."

"Caroline!"

"How long is she going to sleep?"

"Long enough."

"Do it!" One step back, arms folded, she waited. It didn't take hours, or even minutes.

A second.

Kate had felt the force and the tone of Caroline's voice change and she moved. "Bedroom?"

"Yep! Lead."

By the time they'd reached the bedroom, by the time Kate had turned to look at her again Caroline had managed to divest herself of her cycling gear and was standing naked before her - stark.

"Kate..."

Unable to break eye contact, amazed, maybe even a touch disoriented Kate crossed her arms in front of her body and pulled her shirt over her head letting it fall to the floor between them, fanning against Caroline's legs on the way to the ground.

Caroline carefully leaned in... "not a word, not a request, nothing Kate. Say nothing."

"Caroli.."

Her own name broken with a bruising kiss, a force, the first glimpse at a flaw.

"I said not a word Kate."

Kate's eyes were round, opened, captivated.

Caroline leans in to whisper... "I can make you come with just a kiss."

Pulls back to wait for the reaction, and forces a finger over Kate's lips as she attempts to respond.

Left voiceless, robbed of language the tension pools, hovers, begins to pulsate finding its way from her ear, to her neck and begins to echo through her aching body.

The second flaw..."or maybe with just a whisper."

This one begins as a tremble, becomes a shudder and then drives through Kate as a quake.

Again Caroline leans back to bear witness.

The third revealed..."You'll want me to fuck you Kate."

Caroline's pulling at the stud at the top of Kate's jeans, finds the opening and pushes it through, dropping the zipper and driving both hands, palms open, against fluttering flesh.

Finding her way over bones and on to muscle, she pauses at a pulse, pushing the pants to the floor.

"Breathe Kate." She can only manage a gasp - and this travels, harder this time, faster. She reaches out to steady herself against Caroline, their hands meet. Caroline extends her arms and lowers Kate to the bed.

Abandon's her there, still standing, watching the ripples as they begin to work their way out in rings from Kate's heart, gaining momentum as they move.

"Sorry Kate - no touching." Her tone apologetic.

Caroline joins Kate - above her, looking down, bestriding the vision transforming beneath her.

The fourth reveals the sin. "I need you to feel what I feel when I look at you."

Drives her closer.

It continues, one after another, relentless, building persistently, Caroline revealing each and every flaw - in whispers, one by one.

Her timbre changing.

Deepening.

Slowing with each delivered phrase.

Until even she can feel the effect, rising from beneath, from Kate, trying to breath, trying to comprehend what is about to happen.

And then the last.

One last whisper.

One final utterance.

One last drop into the water, this time not a pebble but a stone.

Driving the ripples further, overlapping, mounting like waves.

The end of Kate's agony.

The beginning of something else..

Its low.

Primitive.

Ancient.

Now only a vibration.

The confession.

"Kate. I love you."

Caroline grabs Kate's hands, pulls them over her head and pins them to the bed beneath her...and waits.

Kate bucks.

Works to draw air into her lungs.

Then a cry.

Definitive.

Almost mournful.

Ravished yet untouched.

Her heart finally slows, her breathing stalls, then returns.

Caroline releases her. Lands a gentle kiss atop her left breast where her heart should be.

"Caroline how...?"

"Shhh..I just needed you to feel what I feel when I look at you."

* * *

"Caroline stop! I'm going to wet the bed." The two women are lying on their backs looking at the ceiling - laughing, both with tears running down their cheeks. Olivia nestled between them trying to focus on something - who knows what.

"Sorry. I just thought you should know." She can't help herself.

"How old were you?"

"Mmmm, probably seven or eight. I'd asked for it for my birthday. My dad got it for me."

"I have to pee. Hold that thought."

Kate returns only minutes later.

"O.K., describe it again."

"O.K."

"The pants were dark brown corduroy with bell bottoms. The turtleneck was cream coloured, velour. It had a swede hip length vest with fringes and a belt with a peace sign for a buckle."

"Dear Lord Caroline. Head band?"

"Of course. Beaded." They're in hysterics.

"Shoes?"

"Tan suede Earth shoes.

"You picked those out first didn't you?"

"Of course!"

"Chick magnet!"

"I think that outfit may have been the catalyst for my mum not talking to my dad."

"Poor Celia."

"Yah, Jesus I should call her."

"What for?"

"Tell her I'm never coming back."


	17. Chapter 17 - Onions and Arias

"Did you just call me an onion!? Of all of the vegetables you could have selected you chose onion Kate. Really?"

The headlamps of their vehicle casting cantilevers of lights down the highway suspending the Jeep in a scaffold of fog along the Yorkshire countryside. Halifax to Harrogate.

"No." A delighted twitter of laughter escapes Kate's lips as she recognizes Caroline's need for yet another session of cerebral sparing. "I said...'sometimes you remind me of an onion, peel back one layer to have another appear.'" Kate had removed her shoes and turned herself resting both feet on Caroline's lap for the drive.

Contact - any contact was sheer splendor.

"Continue. My apologies, finish your thought." Caroline was now achingly aware of the electrifying charge working its way through a well calculated course along the inside of her leg. "Careful Kate." She removes her left hand from the wheel and places it adjustingly over both feet.

Typically the interruption would have led to a lengthy lecture on Caroline's own observations of the statement. But tonight, this evening, just more than twenty four hours after their union Caroline just wants to play. Kate's kindled by the invitation. "God I love you."

"What's not to love? I'm an onion. I'm a vegetable for all seasons - an aromatic - I'm the staple in every woman's pantry. Not a lazy metaphor at all. At least you didn't call me a fruit. Although that may be more applicable. Sorry I interrupted again. What's the onion reference? Create context for me Kate." Smug and smiling.

"Liv's hair. At the farm." _Wind her up and watch her go._

"Oh for the love of all things holy. Who in their right mind was letting that poor child run around looking like that?" Caroline nearly loses control of the vehicle as she throws her hands into the air emphatically. Are they all blind? Even the sheep were looking at her oddly."

"Caroline not everybody can..." Cut off.

"Kate. Even I can do the child's hair. So it's a little...I don't know, curly?"

"Caroline its steel wool. We forgot to warn them. It's fine."

"It's not fine. She was embarrassed. I could see it in her eyes the minute we arrived."

"You have such an exaggerated sense of awareness. She was just slightly disoriented. She wasn't certain why she was there and we'd arrived without her. She's fine, and brace yourself, they've got her one more night so tomorrow is going to be the same show and tell. Anyway, my point being Caroline... The two of you just slipped away quietly and she returned a princess. So thank you. It's not like your family has experience with curls is it?"

Ouch. Silence fills the vehicle for a substantial span of time.

"Will's got lovely curls. But you're right. Typically we don't see curls in the family. Will's really the first." Instantly guarded.

Kate sees the swell in the corner of Caroline's eye, the week's events and revelations just below the surface. She knows Caroline doesn't resolve easily - processing takes time. She's wondering now, how many moments, how many expressions, through how many emotions has Caroline stared at her son, studying features, possibly mannerisms, seeing both herself and the man – the monster - who fathered her child, blended, fused before her.

"Well done Kate. It'd been a lovely day to this point."

"What did you say?" Caroline's grown a bit snappy.

"I said, well done Kate, it'd been a lovely day to this point."

"Oh Kate. It's not you. It's me. It's been a long trying week. Well minus our wedding and, oh yes - can't forget the strawberry shake at make out point." The cloud had cleared.

"Question." Kate was growing groggy, the rhythm of the road working to relax.

"Sure." Caroline loves her this lucid - luminous, luxurious. Appetizing.

"The night we mended things, right after Liv was born."

"Yyyeess." Caroline fully aware of where this was headed - surprised that it had taken this long.

"Kate, that was a year and a half ago. It's still on your mind?"

"I do think about it from time to time. It was very..."

"What Kate?"

"Rhythmic..does make sense?"

"O.K." Caroline timid on the topic doesn't offer assistance.

"You didn't actually make love to me, really."

"But I did Kate."

"Caroline you didn't." Kate see's the blush coming to surface.

"I did Kate. It was just different."

"How?"

"Its chemistry. Its simple chemisty. Well it's a bit of physics, but mostly chemistry."

"You whispered Caroline. That was all."

"But they weren't just words Kate."

"You're playing with me. I'm being serious Caroline. It's important."

"Cellular entanglement. My experiences of you were whispered back to you, they became your thoughts, those thoughts become a physical reaction, a response, a series of reactions guided by my own chemistry." She turns to look at Kate, eyes from the road, burning cobalt in the illuminated cab.

"When did you learn this? Or study it, discover..how?"

"Well, with you specifically - it doesn't really happen with anybody else. There'd been the odd minor experience elsewhere, a flicker, a twitch somewhere, near someone, in conversation maybe, but that's it really. Does that make sense? But with you it's different. Its instant, it happens without warning. It's like this: You present yourself - kindly, gently, stunning. And I change. I charge. The charge becomes entangled with my thoughts, my desires, my need - for you. And well, there you have it."

"Are you saying that when you look at me ... you..?"

"It's happened Kate, yes."

"Really?"

"Yes. You're embarrassing me now."

"Sorry. When did it happen for the first time?" She can't help herself.

"Kate!"

"I'd like to know. I think it's beautiful."

"Well, alright. Um, the first time was at Grace's party, the week we met, when you quoted Pessoa."

"My God. Some day we need to discuss that night. You were electrifying. Was that what was going on?"

"I think so. At least once we got by the initial awkwardness."

"Where else?"

"In the cemetery, right after I told you I was going to kiss you...and later that night when we were sitting on the couch talking. Many times since.

"Caroline. Why haven't you told me?"

"I didn't know how to tell you? It's a bit awkward don't you think. Strange. That afternoon, at the cottage, I was on my last leg Kate. I thought, If I could show you what you do to me, than maybe, just maybe we could find a way forward."

"Jesus."

"Seemed to work." Caroline working to end the awkwardness that had assaulted the air.

"Oh it worked. But you knew that already. Did you um..?"

"Oh I did. Kate you've never looked like that before. Can we change the subject now please?"

* * *

"Hello! I'm back." Caroline yelled from the front door, dropping her bag and keys at the entrance.

"Hi." Kate pokes a radiating peek from the kitchen.

"Made us some breakfast. You hungry? Oh my God. Are you alright?"

Caroline, stood in the entrance way, watching the walls begin to weave.

"Yah. I think so. A bit tired I guess." She fawned a grin and a wink. "Why, do I not look O.K.?"

Kate had made her way to Caroline. "You're very pale." A kiss and a cool hand on her cheek.

"Early morning. Bloody alarm. Do I have time for a quick shower, before we sit in?"

"Of course. I'll run you up a tea."

Kate on her way from the kitchen, about to head up the stairs pauses to confirm. "Is she vomiting? What in heaven's name?"

Not wanting to invade Caroline's privacy, but worried, she quietly makes her way to the top of the stairs. There was no question Caroline was sick - violently sick. Kate felt the fear rise in her throat. Her palms beginning to sweat.

By the time she'd made the landing the shower had begun to drive water to the tiled floor. Tracking the trail of discarded garments she made her way to the bathroom, dropped her robe and headed to the shower. Frozen.

There, was her Caroline, head down, scalding water beating her fiercely, shoulders rising and falling violently - weeping. Her hands over her ears, folding to the floor, pulling herself into a pile, head tucked into her lap, waiting, waiting for the water to absolve her of the agony.

Quietly she opens the door and steps in, straining to not startle. Squatting to the floor, she rests a gentle touch on a knee "Caroline? What is going on? What has happened?"

"Leave me Kate. Just leave me for a bit." Bereaved.

"Alright. Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I'll be fine. I'll just be a minute. I'll be down." She was pulling herself back up the wall into an upright position and reaching for the shampoo from the wooden bench propped in the corner.

Kate left the bathroom. Confused and concerned.

Deciding to dress before heading back downstairs, reaching to the nightstand for her watch Kate captures an ousted phone cord out of the corner of her eye. "Odd. Cleaning lady?" Snaps it back into place.

"Stupidity and relief are two powerful emotions when compounded Caroline" she muses as she pulled on a pair of black denims and a blouse. About to apply make-up she catches her face in the mirror - struck - given the probability for disaster this morning - that she is even standing here. Again - stomach flips. "Ballocks. Forget the foundation. Full freckles today folks" She plays with some shadow, a touch of mascara and a gloss. Caroline collected.

"I need to eat, I think it will help. The combination of too much champagne last night, too little sleep - that's your fault - and too early of a morning, just sent things spinning." Caroline walks over to claim a kiss. "Mmmm syrup."

"Sorry. I had a bite. I was hungry. You look delicious. Sit."

"Nice ring."

"Thanks. I got married yesterday."

"Oh really. Is she pretty?"

"She'll do."

"Nice Kate."

"Well you're appetite seems to be fine." Caroline had devoured an entire pile of pancakes, politely of course.

"Sorry?"

"I said, your appetite seems to be fine, twenty minutes ago you were emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet bowl upstairs - quite violently I might add."

"I'm alright Kate. Really. It was just the events from earlier in the week playing havoc." She gets up to clear the table.

Caroline couldn't in any way possible begin to attempt to explain to Kate what should have happened this morning, how it didn't, how she hadn't expected to walk back in their front door again after pulling it behind her earlier in the morning. And so again - a lie.

Kate's now leaning against the counter with her arms crossed, blocking access to the dishwasher.

"Caroline, you were having a nervous breakdown in our shower. I'm not certain that qualifies as fine by anybody's standard. There has to be more to it. And to be honest, you're being rather aloof about it. Can I ask a question?"

Caroline knows that this is Kate speak for 'stop what you're doing because we are now having a conversation, and you're going to want to participate, whether you want to or not...'

"Go."

"What do you mean 'go'?"

"Go. You've got something to say, say it."

"Caroline."

"What?" Defenses are up for fear that Kate is going to drag it out of her.

"Is it us?"

"Us? How could it be us? We're perfect. We've arrived. We're happy, truly happy Kate."

"So it's something then?"

"Kate. It's fine. It's truly fine. Let's try this. It was something - yes - it was. But it's not - not any more. It's gone, it's over, done, completed. I'm here. Present. Completely I'm yours. Always. Forever..."

"Was it Grace?"

"Grace? Grace! GRACE? Why does that woman's name keep coming up?"

"Don't know. Just seems fun to throw it around from time to time to see what comes back."

"Come here." Caroline pulls her in for just a kiss. But it's never just a kiss is it? It's everything. It's all of them - every time they touch - it's never just a kiss.

"Wow. That was nice. Do we..?"

"Have time Kate? No. We should go. Everybody will be at the farm and it'd be rude to keep them waiting."

"But you'll keep me waiting."

"Keeping you waiting is half the fun." Caroline turns and heads out of the kitchen. "I'll load the car."

Kate drove, Caroline slept waking from time to time.

First awakening... "I miss Liv."

"I'm sure Liv misses you, we'll bring her home with us tonight. Close your eyes."

Second awakening... "How's the construction coming along next to the cottage? I've not been out for a while. Nice?"

"Its good Love. It's not directly next. We've got a fair amount of land between them and us. Haven't met anybody yet. It's too soon, windows aren't even in. Seems quite modern. Plenty of concrete and steel. We call it the "cabin" by the way not "cottage."

"Kate we've got four bedrooms, a dining room, kitchen opens into the living room looking out onto a deck, followed by a pool, a two vehicle garage and a security system. I'm telling you it is in no way a "cabin."

"I know but we've always called it the 'cabin.' Get some sleep."

Third and final awakening... "Mums going to be upset."

"You've not been sleeping at all have you?"

"Not really. I'm trying to calculate the fall out."

"Celia?"

"..and Gillian. She was pretty upset when Alan and Mum ran off."

"We just wanted ourselves, the boys and Liv. Oh that didn't sound good at all. You're right. They're going to be upset."

"Thanks Kate. I'm feeling much better."

"Anytime. Brace yourself, here comes your favourite part of the drive."

Caroline was attempting to apply lipstick in the mirror when the first good bump struck.

"Brilliant."

"Let me see."

"No! I really have to pee. Can you stop please? I'll never it make it on this road."

"What is going on with you today?"

"I'm excited." Slams the door and heads out to the field.

"I'm back."

"I can see that. You could have sought some shelter Caroline."

"Well it's not like there's anybody else on the road - ever."

"Nope just Robbie and Raff right behind us. Wave."

"Brilliant."

"Tell me again about our rings." Kate was attempting to alleviate the anxiety now growing at rapid rate in the seat next to her.

"Really?"

"Yes please."

"Alright." Caroline's removed her ring, admiring. Tone changing from playful to thoughtful. Kate is always taken aback by the fluid beauty.

"I chose a platinum band, flat, with a raised edge in which to mount the crystal. Platinum. Not because it's fashionable..."

"Of course not."

"..but because it suits us. It's a transitional element - like we were."

"Even with a quick glance at the periodic table you can see that the transition metals are different. It's a brilliant conductor of heat and electricity - thought that was significant in our case."

"Platinum is always found in its natural state and can be hammered and stretched to its limits...we both know how that feels."

"It's durable - thought we'd need that too."

"My favourite part though... Platinum is the least reactive of all metals. It doesn't give up its secrets easily Kate."

"And the crystal?"

"Well, they say diamonds are a girl's best friend - I get that. They have their good bits. But for us, for us Kate it was undeniably crystal. If you look at a single crystal microscopically you'll see that the atoms are in a nearly perfect periodic arrangement with its ions extending in to all three spatial dimensions. It's miraculous - and yet so overlooked."

"Caroline?"

"Mmm hmm" Still admiring the design.

"You are nearly perfect aren't you?"

"Nope. But I am working at it."

"Why didn't you put your ring on this morning when you left to respond to the alarm?"

* * *

Nobody was upset. Not even Celia. It had made perfect sense. They were private women or at least they tried to be, who'd wanted to simply and quietly declare their love for each in the presence of their children. Caroline had felt that Celia wouldn't necessarily feel one hundred percent comfortable having to witness such an event.

The rings had arrived on Wednesday and they were married by Friday.

The afternoon at the farm was lovely. Caroline and Kate had pre-ordered catering to be delivered for the day and had picked up champagne and wine on their way through Halifax. It was a day for family, friends and love.

Checking herself, Caroline realised that she'd never been this happy.

The sun now beginning to close its sluggish eye, Kate set out to pack Olivia's toys while Caroline worked to organize the boys around who was going where and with who.

"Caroline love." It was Alan.

"Yes."

"Why don't you let your Mum and I keep Olivia for one more night? Give yourselves the better part of tomorrow to enjoy just each other."

"Oh Alan, you, Mum and Gillian have done enough already, really."

"The boys are staying - right lads?"

"We are Mum. We've been drinking...not driving." Lawrence.

"Can you help Alan and Mum with Liv if we leave her? Kate? What do you say?"

"Fine here - I could do with a lie in tomorrow. I know you could."

"Right then. Let's put her down and we'll be off." She lands a perfect peck on Alan's lovely forehead.

* * *

It was just after midnight when Caroline pulled the jeep into the drive. They'd decided to bypass the city and head directly to the country. "Let's spend the night at the cabin." Kate had mumbled as the city released its radiant head over the horizon. The invasion of stark lights calling them back to the ordinary.

"Why not? It's only another twenty minutes or so. Can you last that long?" The words had no sooner hit the air, Caroline turning to look at her love and there she was, soundly devastating. As though she'd been talking in her sleep - dreaming. "Maybe she was." Caroline thought.

"Kate, sweetheart. We're here. Can you wake up? Come on. Let's get you to bed."

Caroline reached in to release Kate's seat belt and was welcomed with a kiss.

"Hi. Do you always need to be this lovely?" Caroline chuckled as she helped Kate with her shoes. "Here's the key. You head in and I'll grab our bags."

Caroline emptied the vehicle of all and any necessary articles, dropped a sigh when she looked at the crumb covered car seat in the back. As hectic as their life could be she felt an absence when she wasn't surrounded by her family. They'd had a brilliant day in Halifax - at the farm. Looking up at the jewelled night sky she could only think – "Gratitude." This day had turned out nothing like it should have.

"Kate, a hand please." Caroline had decided it was a good idea to carry all things in one trip.

_You travel in that woman's footwear and see how many trips you'd like to make._

The sound of the shower hit her ears and she thought "Good. She'll sleep better."

Dropping the bags along the way, and ridding herself of the day's regalia. Another sigh. The shower turns off. "Hey. I was on my way, damn."

Kate safely tucked, Caroline made her way back to the bathroom, hit the tap, took a long look in the mirror. "You'll do it seems." Hot and hard, Caroline allowed the water to chisel away at the events not just of this morning, but of over twenty years.

He'd gone. Disappeared. It was over. It had been only a threat. She should have known.

A quick towel off and then slumber. Caroline enters their room, moonlight exposing an empty bed. "Kate. Kate? What the..." She makes her way back to the bathroom and grabs the towel from the floor to cover herself and begins her search. Odd.

Next, to the living room Caroline can feel the panic begin to rise in her chest. "I should have known, its happened, he's here. He's got Kate. God help me." Darting from room to room, then back to the living area, her eyes finally catch it. An image. Kate.

In the glow of the moonlight, in the heat of a sweet September night, just on the other side of the propped garden doors waits Kate.

Standing.

Naked.

Smiling.

"Kate!"

"Hi." "Come here."

Caroline can breathe.

"I wasn't sure where you were."

"Where did you think I'd be? I'm right here." It took only one finger, and a quick tug to dispense of that towel.

Easing Caroline down onto a waiting spread.

"You gave me chemistry - I give you song."

Caroline had never felt this free.

Liberated from any and all inhibitions, from rigidity, from position. Stripped of colour and adornment she allowed Kate to explore every angle of her design with nothing other than her warm, accomplished mouth. Kate played Caroline like a rare instrument, stealing from her any and all mortal melodies. Dropping her own notes, tempo and time over every inch of her skin. Composing well written lyrics with, lustful, lengthy strides, lingering only just long enough over one note to beseech the next. Caroline tumbled over canticles and chorus, anthems and arias, watching the stars dance above her to the rhythm of Kate's song.

* * *

"Good Morning." Kate felt Caroline pulling in behind her - that easy tug back through the portal.

"Hi."

"You slept hard."

"MMmm hmm. I don't know if I've ever slept that well. Kate I don't remember coming back inside last night." Her hand now conducting its morning inventory, gently, carefully.

"Hello."

"Hi... I was thinking."

"Of course you were."

"We should ring Mum and Alan, have them head this way with Liv and boys. I feel like cooking."

Kate's turning, finding her way, feeling the charge.

"Do you?"

"I do."

"What are you going to make?"

"Don't know, haven't got that far yet."

"I'm sure it'll involve some fundamental science though won't it?"

"Of course. I'd love it if you'd pick the music though."

"I'm sure you would."

"Kate…"

"Mmm hmm." Beginning to work her way through Caroline freckle by freckle.

"Last night, when we were outside…"

"Yes."

"I was sure there was a light on in the new house, next door. I think I saw somebody ... moving."

"Really?"


	18. Chapter 18 - Amazing Grace

"You've got to marry before you're thirty Caroline, or people will begin to wonder."

"Wonder what Mum?"

She's perched atop the seat of the bay window, cheek pressed to the cooling pane, tea cup balanced on one knee, book on the other. She's pulled her heels into her backside and wrapped her arms about her shins. _"Shouldn't coming home ease the pain?"_ She allows the thought to fall to the floor, watching it tumble over cushions, slide along the panelled wood on which she sits, then slither away. She picks another from the advancing deluge drumming against her aching forehead.

"Well, they'll just wonder."

"Who?" She'd begun to follow Celia's rippled reflection as it moved along the rain draped glass.

"People."

"What people?"

"_Why does everything need to be so... so fitted?"_ This thought too falls to the floor and Caroline feels the need to extinguish it with her bare heel as she stands.

"Just people that's who."

"Oh Mum, please give it a rest. It's not like I haven't been doing anything for the past decade." She leans in, kissing Celia on the cheek as she wanders by, then out the kitchen door.

* * *

Grace shoots the hotel room door a look, with yelling on her mind. Who in their correct capacity would be knocking at this hour?

A glance from the arm chair, where she'd been reading, over to the bedside alarm indicates 11:47PM.

Dr. Grace Mitchell.

Amazing Grace.

Fall from Grace.

Grace was the eldest of two children, daddy's girl, the apple of the eye, could do no wrong - which of course left plenty of room for her to do all things wrong.

She held a temper that was fierce - yet patient. One wrong doing directed her way could result in years of unrelenting retribution.

A Gemini - the twins. Two worlds colliding in one terribly tortured mind- about as flawed as a woman could be.

All of that in place; Grace did have a few things turned in favour.

She presented with bookish beauty; Slate black hair - tablet straight - short bang - length to the shoulder blades on the back.

Not tall, not not tall.

Form - gathered and accumulated in all the right places - unbound and liberated in others.

Intensely Intelligent - with a sense of well-honed humour.

One look at Grace and you would know that life with her could never be boring.

More than likely the last woman that should have her hands anywhere near Caroline Dawson.

Another crack on the door. "I'll be damned!"

"Is the offer of a nightcap still open?" Caroline leant leisurely on the door frame as though perhaps she'd already a few. She had. Shy? Not now.

"Enduring." Grace whips the hotel room door open, one hand on a skirted hip, and takes in the spirited site before her.

* * *

Having arrived home only an hour and a half earlier to the absence of all things John, showered, cried, paced, stomped and finally calmed Caroline dug into her coat pocket for her apartment keys. She'd been meaning to have the locks changed. Dangerously, the dead bolt required locking from the inside, with a key, a nightly routine that brought both annoyance and assurance. Tugging the keys from her pocket she follows a napkin to the ground with one eye, locks the door, tosses the keys to the kitchen counter and bends to retrieve the item.

Penned - _MacDonald Randolph Hotel, Room 411. _

Caroline manages a snicker. "How did she even...", and drops the piece into the kitchen bin. Minutes later she's tucked into bed, book in hand, unopened, tea turning to cool, staring at the bedroom door.

The next few minutes unravel at striking but steadied speed.

Jean's - on.

Belt - on.

Boots - on.

White linen tunic - on - off.

Bra - on.

White linen tunic - on.

Suede car coat - on.

She's grabs her purse, keys - out the door.

Makes it to the top of the stairwell.

Stops.

Turns.

Back to the apartment.

Turns the kitchen bin on end, emptying the contents to the floor, finds the napkin, leaves the remaining contents and the bin turned out on the tile.

Thinks to leave John a note; "Not wanted here. Gone where wanted. C"

Makes for the sidewalk, hales a cab.

"MacDonald Randolph Hotel please."

Caroline makes only one stop. Lobby bar. Doesn't sit.

"Double scotch, neat." Down.

Elevator - "4th please."

A sixty something couple glaring across the lift.

Scotch hits home.

Stomach warms,

Limbs warm,

Everything warms.

DING.

Doors open.

No "thank you."

Manners - gone.

Several slowing strides take her directly to 411.

One knock reveals no yield.

A second knock. Twice this time, harder.

Door flies open...revealing its resentful resident.

Caroline dangles the slightly soiled napkin in the air and repeats herself for the only time this evening.

"I said, 'Is the offer of a nightcap still open?'"

"Enduring" The room's occupant counters, grinning..."Shall we hit the streets?"

"Yep." Caroline steps inside.

"Give me a few." Grace, still garbed in her dinner attire, blouse untucked and shoes off, pulls a pair of jeans and a button down from the tussled contents of her suitcase and makes way to the bathroom. "Sit. I won't be but a minute."

"What changed your mind Caroline?" A query from the bathroom, door intentionally propped just a touch.

Caroline was about to park herself in the angled pub chair that Grace had previously occupied, stepping over schedules and files until she reached the book laying spread, dust jacket faced up on the chair's cushion. She turns and catches a glimpse through the cracked door, studying the bewitching reflection in the mirror.

A flutter.

Welcomed - Invited.

Entertained.

There'd been enough said - not said - earlier in the evening – intentions clear.

"Does it matter?" She lifts the book from the cushion "_Quantum Chemistry_" _Donald McQuarrie._

"No I suppose it doesn't." Grace pulls the bathroom door open with a foot and enters the room pulling the zipper on her jeans, buttons of the blouse not yet addressed.

Caroline - still not quite sober - still not shy - deliberately does not avert her eyes. "Why in heaven's name are you reading McQuarrie?"

"I was attempting to understand the theories behind your work before our dinner meeting, and became so caught up I have to finish the damned thing. He's entrancing."

"Dear Lord Grace - you do not want to understand my work. I don't even understand my work."

Grace has stepped forward to rest her hand on the spine of the book, feigning embarrassment, as though to take it from Caroline. "There's a fair amount I'd like to understand Caroline I've made margin notes."

Caroline steals the moment, takes the mouth - hard - instinctually. Is somewhat forceful, demanding. "Do your shirt up. Let's go."

There is a place that prevails, somewhere between sense and the complete absence of any and all sensibility. Tonight - Caroline Dawson walks nowhere other than to the very right of absence.

Grace is struggling through the front of her shirt, button by button. "Well you can either help me decipher McQuarrie's theories voluntarily, or you'll be lubricated with liquor until you spill."

She's given up on tucking the shirt, grabs a jacket and steps to meet Caroline at the door.

"Let me ponder, and to be clear, I think at this point we can fairly say...no lubricating required." Caroline whispers the last bit as she struts toward the elevator.

Careful Grace – Mercury's rising.

* * *

Caroline pays the driver.

The Jericho district was familiar to both women and offered a varied and acceptable selection of bars. After little debate they've tucked themselves into the end of a bar - standing. Midnight at the Duke of Cambridge leaves even less than elbow room on any given day.

"If you really want to understand Quantum theory and my work Grace you'll need to read Vasubandhu. Let's go - I see a table."

Finally seated, the battery of questions begins."

The first being; "Vasu who du?"

* * *

"From the moment we'd landed in Dharamsala I was in awe of the vastness of it all. I think I'd known from a very young age… - well, forever really, that our universe was a grand walloping whopping of a place..." Waving a hand in the air to gain the attention of the bar tender, or anybody else who could keep the cocktails coming.

Caroline eagerly takes another sip. "As my Master's research was winding down, it had become abundantly clear that our own Western idea of Science had been in a well-defined crisis since the beginning of the 20th Century."

"Alright..."

"I'd invested over six years in Theoretical Chemistry and it had begun to feel stale. Disinterested, in itself, even. Does that make sense?"

"I'm inclined to say, 'Yes?' - Continue." The noise of the packed bar had evaporated into silence. Grace could hear nothing but the calculated, charged claims of the calibrating beauty next to her.

"I needed to know more about the aggregation and interrelation of atoms with their constituent substances - specifically in relationship to their roles in chemical elements as we know them. I'd become disillusioned with current theories - discouraged." Caroline has narrowly missed backhanding the poor bloke behind her...twice...her feminine fins slicing the smoky air in expression.

"I'm still listening." Grace winks an apology over Caroline's shoulder to the group in back.

"And then a periodical publication finds its way to my desk, the same day that I'd penned my intention to leave the University. There was a short article on a 4th Century Buddhist philosopher...

"Vasubandhu?"

"Yep, you're with me." Caroline smiles, relieved. "I managed to locate a copy of one of his texts - translated of course, titled _Treasury of Higher Knowledge_. Grace, it was like nothing I'd read. Essentially he'd rejected any notion of independent objective reality, along with several other speculative theories. His argument was; if independent indivisible atoms exist, then it is impossible to account for the formation of the objects of our everyday world, true formation - solid - independent of each other.

"So this would mean that...that things as we see them, have defined them and relate to them are all incorrect?"

"Well to a point - we need to create a paradigm from which to function - clearly - however - we cling to it in such a way that limits us, binds us from experiencing things as deeply and profoundly as is possible."

Grace was becoming trapped by the piercing blue eyes, bearing forth tiny jewelled flecks of red as she became more expressive, then turning to black as her pupils began to dilate - aroused.

"Caroline - I think its closing time."

"All fine. There's an after-hours bar only one block over. Shall we?"

"Of course."

Caroline manages to talk the bartender into one last quick drink on their way out the door. Flirt.

The two women walk arm in arm laughing while Caroline attempts to explain that Vasubandhu described the smallest indivisible atom to be 1 to 2 /400th the size of a rabbit's atom. "Now you're the physicist Grace, you explain that one, because I've never been able to figure it out."

"You're on your own Dr. Dawson." Grace pulls the door to the bar and is instantly seduced by the sound of the music.

"Yah - not quite the answer I was looking for." Again - Caroline - takes the mouth - steals the kiss - provokes – tantalizes – leaves a promise."

The floor staff clearly know Caroline and break away a table set meant for four, occupied by only two, locating chairs and ashtray. The women are barely seated when drinks arrive.

"So why Dharamsala Caroline?"

"You are persistent aren't you Grace?"

Grace notes a change in Caroline - just a small change. The alcohol, the music. Both perhaps. "If nothing else Caroline, yes, I can be persistent."

"I wanted to learn Grace, to experience, first hand. Not in a book, not in a lecture hall, but first hand. So I'd made arrangements, connected with a Monastery, gained access to writings, to scriptures, to the history, the theories. It was miraculous."

"You were there an entire year Caroline."

"Yup. And in that year I learned more than I'd learned in my entire lifetime. Unexplainable."

"How so?"

"The writing. His theories. It was as though he'd reached for the heavens, stood them still, pulled the blackened blanket from the night sky, saw its birth, located the atom and peered within. He described its characteristics as though it were human. Words that translated to - grand, bulky, imposing, mighty. I felt as though I, myself, could see it in its truest form Grace."

"And Gavin?"

"What about Gavin?"

"He joined you halfway through the year."

"He did. Yes." Caroline became a touch curt, alarmed, defensive. Draws a drink.

"Why?"

"I wanted him to see their educational structure - in the monasteries; to experience how they teach the children. Science is fundamental, we would never guess this.

Education is cosmic, ecumenical, unifying science and spirituality.

Everything carries an attention to detail. This caught me, remains with me - how effortless the complexities were."

"Caroline? Were the two of you together? A couple?..." Grace grabs a sip of her drink and peers up through her blackened bangs.

"Oh Grace, I've always loved Gavin. Dance?"

Caroline downs what's left of her drink and pulls her to the dance floor. Grace is so intimately given a glimpse of a very different woman. Caroline naturally takes the lead, hips no longer rigid, fluid with the dance, touching her partner with warmth and the sensual allure of the Salsa. A panther controlled but not gone wild. Caroline Dawson was allowing Grace a different bearing - a different physical relationship with the world - for a moment. Caroline casts a spell.

* * *

Their cab lands directly in front of the hotel entrance.

"Nightcap?"

"It's the reason I'm here Grace.


	19. Chapter 19 - Indelible

_"Oh what a tangled web we weave,_

_ when first we practice to deceive."_

* * *

"Indelible. That's it." Caroline had been attempting to assign syntax to senses.

Kate was that - "Indelible."

She's tucked herself into the tiny two piece lavatory located in the far corner of her office. Not luxurious, but certainly handy.

Beaming - She leans into the mirror, highlighting her lips in lavender followed by an inlay of lilac. She bends to tug at a tissue for blotting.

"Indelible - making marks that cannot be erased, removed, that cannot be eliminated, forgotten, changed, or the like. I.e.: the indelible influence of a lover."

"You're talking to yourself sweetheart." Kate suddenly appears in the doorway.

She darts back - searching for reflection in the mirror - and there stands Kate.

"Hi, nope, just quoting Oxford. My God you're gorgeous."

Caroline turns to take a full look.

"Kate."

"Hi. Look o.k.? The invitation said formal."

Caroline stood - silent, stupefied, speechless; Draws her in."

"What? Bad choice? Caroline, say something please...I've time to make it home for a change. I've made a mistake." Kate's looking down at herself now, nervous.

"Oh Kate."

* * *

"How's the head?"

Kate's silenced her alarm, turned and coiled herself into Caroline. Her cheek bolstered by a breast draping her right arm across the landscape. Artist at the ready.

She begins to sculpt scarlet strokes the length of Caroline's ribcage and drops the heel of her brush into the ample area, shaft meets shape. Gathering nerves along the way.

Caroline heaves. Vivid. Kate claims a breast.

"God. I'd like to tell you it's all a blur, but unfortunately for all involved the memories are crystal clear." Caroline pulls her pillow over her head wanting to will the world away.

"Nope. It all happened, just as bright and bold as you remember it. You alright?" Kate's let go her latch.

Its morning, Saturday. Typically lazy. Lawrence would usually pull little Liv out of bed, dress her in some odd and unusual ensemble, feed the fawn and the two would head out the door to the park, a walk, or even into the back garden. He loved Liv, and he wasn't entirely certain why. Her purpose still unknown. He liked her too.

Kate and Caroline: Saturdays saw the papered press, the French press, and the odd full court press. There was always plenty of laughter, love and even some luminous moments, lingering in bed long enough till neither could stand it.

But not this Saturday. This Saturday brought with it lists, labour and the smell of stale liquor wafting from Caroline into the lazy air.

Kate was never without hope however, as she slowly drew the length of her leg the length of her lover's, and then lingered patiently. And there it was; Caroline's requiem - her response to Kate - consistently present. It called Kate's senses, her sounds, her scent, her taste, the site of Caroline as she rose...

"Where are you going? Don't go - Caroline. God!"

"Kate slams herself back into the bed, the cover sheet ballooning up, bloating into the air like an alabaster umbrella, closes her eyes and allows the sheet to _slowly_ shroud her assailing anatomy.

It was uncommon that Caroline refused Kate. Unusual.

"Are you still upset about last night?" Despite her currently compromised state Kate is still able to hold conversation - Just.

"It's not funny Kate," gathering her necessaries for this evening's event. She'll change in her office - as she does every year.

"Oh it is Caroline. It's more than funny." She's stretched onto her side winding white linens through her legs, watching, following, wanting, an aggressive ache assaulting her with Caroline's every move.

"It's like a bad horror movie Kate. I close my eyes - there's Mum, standing in the kitchen. And then there's me - Oh God."

Pink now dawning like the sun from behind the white towel she's bound herself in, ready to wash away the remnants of last night's escapades.

"It got better when she told you to put some clothes on and you turned to look at the trail you'd left along the hallway. Oh Caroline." Kate's laughing aloud now.

"Kate I was wearing stockings and shoes, nothing else. And my Mum, Oh my God! How am I even going to face her today?"

"Well, they are my favourite stockings on you, and to be fair - you did still have a hair clip in, so technically." Kate's given up and is headed to the closet to grab something casual for the morning.

"Oh My God! I'm going to die."

"You don't think your mother's ever seen a pair of hold up tights before Caroline?"

"NOT ON ME! Jesus Christ Kate. And if she has, surely the bearer was dawning something other than just a pair of shoes and hair clip."

"You mean something other than a pair of four inch heels and a hair clip. You were wearing a smile - that should count for something. Priceless. You'll be fine. You always are."

"What do you mean, fine?"

"You're the most resilient woman I know." Kate's making the bed, having folded to the possibility of Caroline. "Despite all that's come your way in the past two years, probably longer - you bear up just fine. Really - think of what she'd have seen if she walked in say, three to five minutes later."

"Oh Jesus Kate. Stop now, I'm going to go blind. Back in the doghouse Caroline." She's now turned into a ranting lunatic, circling the bedroom for who knows what - she certainly has no idea.

"To be fair, it would have been shocking, for your Mum I mean, last night."

"KATE!"

I watched you put them on yesterday morning if you recall, leisurely, deliberately, and then left me to my own. I'd be more concerned about me right now than your mother Caroline."

"What do you mean?"

Frenzy and agony square off at the foot of the bed. Floor's yours Kate.

"You leave here yesterday, dressed the way you were."

"Kate I was dressed the way I always dress for work."

"Caroline."

"Alright. Minor modification on the stockings - fair enough. You'll be happy to know I found them on line - plethora of colours available." Caroline is calming and headed to the shower.

"Will I be?" Kate's changed.

"Kate. What's happening right now?"

"Nothing. I've got a lot on today and so do you."

"What did I just do?" Towel to the floor.

"You brushed me off Caroline." Steam rising.

"I brushed you off? You're being cryptic Kate. I'm literal. Please help." Too tired to take this on.

"Carline Elliott you are the least literal person I've ever met. You leave here yesterday morning - with a promise to be home, after a drink with Gavin. You show up at 11pm, only after being tantalized through text, remarkably drunk, having spent the entire evening with a man you once nearly married, the man people still gossip you should have married, with your knickers tucked into your jacket pocket... And you're worried about your mum Caroline? Are you?"

"No. I guess I'm not. I'm worried about you?" Caroline's not entirely certain whether Kate is playing at angry - or just angry. Either way...she steps out of the shower. Exposed.

"Yes Caroline you're worried about me." Kate had a hold. Pay attention Caroline.

* * *

White.

Caroline's eyes begin at the bottom.

Closed toe heels peering out from under a pair of pure white tuxedo pants - flawless fit.

A cream stripe riding the length of leg.

Raw unbleached silk against skin, open to meet a French beige bra, lace exposed - enough.

The jacket rides to where Caroline knows the leg begins. One button tacked just below the breast - targets have been marked.

Lapels are peaked riding the shoulders to meet the hair.

"Caroline. Say something please."

"Kate. I can't find...It's beautiful, you're beautiful." Indelible - it hits her again.

"Are you sure? I wasn't certain, thought maybe too mannish, I don't know...you know. Sorry. Caroline?"

"No Kate, it's certainly not too mannish." Shakes her head, ready to pull Kate's mouth to her own, barely capable of making herself understood, she leans in to whisper.

"Ravishing."

Kate feels the word. Shudders. "You haven't done that for a while."

"I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry about last night, I'm sorry that you heard about Gavin from somebody else - when did you hear about Gavin - who? Never mind. Look, let's just get through this horrible thing this evening and I promise you, we'll spend the day at the cottage, sorry the cabin, tomorrow, you, me, Lawrence and Liv. We'll talk. I'll talk. I'm sorry Kate."

She finally finds her mouth - alleviates the longing that's lingered since morning. Kate's kiss, their kiss. "God I love you."

"I know. Caroline I came down here to help you dress. Is that what you're wearing?"

"Oh for fuck..." Caroline peers down at herself, wearing the same outfit that she'd displayed for Celia less than twenty four hours earlier - well add back the bra and knickers, but nearly the same.

Tights - White. Available in a plethora of colours she'd bragged.

"Kate, can you help me get this thing over my head?" She'd chosen grey.

* * *

"My Goodness you're cranky."

They've made their way to the kitchen by mid-morning, Caroline having collected herself, her belongings and moved into manage mode.

"I am aren't I?" She pours a coffee and grabs a biscuit from the bin. Backs toward the counter, propped.

"You are. It's a bit provoking. Is that your breakfast or your lunch?" Sarcastic Kate, just what the day requires.

"I hate this Kate."

"I know, but it comes around every year, and by the time it's ended you've had a wonderful evening."

"Right. It's the amount of work involved. And of course this year Grace has decided that the bloody thing should be on campus and the after dinner events outside. Have you any idea how much work, not to mention money is involved in turning an assembly hall into a five star dining room and a football pitch into a dance floor and bandstand?"

Caroline has now pulled Olivia onto her hip in the hopes of stealing a kiss before she heads out the door. Olivia has decided that it's a mimic Mum moment, working Caroline like a mirror with every syllable, both women attempting to keep a straight face, having agreed earlier in the week that any acknowledgement of such behaviour only results in more of the same behaviour. Caroline turns away, and drops the toddler to the floor in one motion. Kate temporarily leaves the room laughing.

"Hey." Olivia belts in protest.

Caroline bends to the floor in an effort to distract, while Kate attempts to compose herself. "'Hey' yourself miss, quieter please. Give us a kiss."

She gets a hug. It'll do.

"It does generate money Caroline." Kate's returned, composed.

"I don't know how many years of this Head Teacher nonsense I've left in me Kate." Kate's come back to her, leaned in, a touch concerned possibly, brushing the bangs away to get a better look at the brilliant blues. They always tell the tale.

"Really? You've never mentioned it before."

"I've never really thought about it, until recently. Lately, it feels like I want more time for us, for Lawrence, for Liv, Will, and even for the peeping Tom next door."

In walks Celia.

"Somebody should take a fire hose to you two."

"Mum. Good morning."

"I see you've managed to locate your clothes."

"Where's Alan?" Caroline's working to change the subject. Kate works to pull away, and Caroline deliberately keeps her close.

"Hi." Olivia standing at Celia's feet, arms out for a lift up.

"I should be off." She kisses Kate - leisurely. A bit for Celia's benefit, but mostly just for her own.

"Tonight's the Ball?"

"Yes Mum tonight's the Sodding, Snotty Sulgrave End of Summer Ball; benefactors, board members, dignitaries and the parents who apparently matter most. First Saturday in October - annually - without fail!"

"Somebody's snappy this morning."

"All morning." Kate's happy to have an ally, even if it is her mother in law.

"Well maybe if you got yourself home, sober and to bed at a reasonable hour..."

"I was on my way to bed last night mother, but our neighbour felt the need to stop by and say hello" Now, Caroline knew that was an argument that held no ground, but God it felt good just to get it out.

"You've got your list?" Kate trying to get her to the door.

"Yep. You've got Liv. Mum thanks again for taking her tonight."

"Any time Luv, try to enjoy the evening."

"You never did tell me where Alan is?"

"He's taken Lawrence to rugby Caroline."

"Oh shit. Right. Got to go."

Gone.

Hair - done.

Nails - done.

Dry Cleaners - done.

Cobbler's - done. Story for another day - nobody was hurt.

Caroline pulls into her usual "temporary loading" spot. Parks.

Takes the time to send Kate a message while walking to her office. "_Come find me when you get here. I love you."_

* * *

"What are you looking at Kate?"

"That."

"Right."

Caroline's comes up behind her, wrapped her arms around her waist and found a favoured spot to rest her chin."

"There you are."

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Hah." Kate covers Caroline's hands with her own, lingering over her ring. Its all still new.

"You're very tall."

"You've used that line before."

"I know, but it worked - you're here."

"Yes I am."

"I want you Kate." Whispered.

"Mmmm hmmm, that's the plan." Kate feels it.

"Why does it seem lately that you've always got the upper hand?"

"Embrace it Elliot, it might actually work for you."

Dinner's ended and the evening has moved outside. The stars have arrived and lined the night sky like a net.

"It's gone off brilliantly Caroline." They've begun to sway unknowingly to the music, Caroline still resting her chin on Kate's shoulder. The two watching the evening unfold.

"So how long has the entire Athletic department been staring at her?"

"Long enough."

"Should I say something?"

"Nope. She can handle her own, trust me."

"How do you know?" Caroline pulls back and moves around to get a look at Kate's face with a touch of smug. "Kate?"

"She was at my table. While you were at the head table, rubbing elbows with the entire Muck family My Ladyship, I was getting to know the lovely vision that the boys seem to be so enamoured with."

"I see...and?"

"Two daughters, one year eleven and one year twelve."

"Seems a bit young for that, wouldn't you say."

"Adopted, both."

"Nice. She's pregnant."

"Yep. God I want you right now. Don't let go."

"Good. Tall."

"Taller than me."

"Yep."

"Name?"

"Claire Webb."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Claire Webb the journalist Claire Webb."

"Same."

"New to town?"

"Just."

"We could go to my office."

"Nope. You can wait."

"I don't remember seeing the name 'Webb' on the student transfer lists."

"Nope. They go by Durham."

"Yup, saw that one. You sure we need to wait?"

"What I've got in mind for you Dr. Elliott is going to take more than ten minutes in your office."

"Right. Should I go over to introduce myself?"

"You could, and I could bring the boys a mop and bucket with which to clean up the drool."

"Or you could come with, and introduce me."

"You know what Elliot?"

"What."

"I like this new found comfort that you have with us - in public?"

"I think it's the rings."

"Really? I thought maybe it was just us."

"I can't kiss you right now, can I?"

"You Caroline Elliott can kiss me wherever and whenever you want."

* * *

"Grace." He'd been standing off under a tree, watching the evening unfold.

"Gavin." She'd been standing under a different tree watching Gavin unfold.

"Enjoying the evening?" She knew the answer.

"It's been pleasant." He wished she go away.

"You seemed preoccupied at dinner."

"Did I?"

"You seem preoccupied now." She follows his line of vision to its determined destination.

"Anything I can do to help Gavin?"

"We had drinks last night Grace, Caroline and I."

"Did you?" Grace realises he's a bit...pissed.

"And..."

"They're married. Did you know?"

"I didn't, No, when?" How'd she miss that one?

"Oh a fortnight or so." He's not taken his eyes from them.

"On the quiet I guess."

"She said they weren't hiding it, but not flaunting it either."

"Well they seem to be flaunting it now." There's the tone.

"She wanted my blessing Grace."

"Did she?"

"I guess I'd convinced myself that when she and John split, well, I thought..."

"She abandoned you, all those years ago. Left you in India...on your own Gavin."

"No. It wasn't quite like that at all." He finally breaks his stare and turns to Grace. "I sent her home."

"You were in love with her...why would you send her home?"

"I'd asked her to marry me. She'd told me, about her attraction to women. When we were travelling, we fought. I sent her away. Stupidly, I sent her away."

"It'll all turn out Gavin. I promise you. You've done all the right things." Wheels are in motion, seeds have been planted.

"I have? I don't know Grace. It all seems a bit dramatic, staged, contrived. I'm not convinced we're doing the right thing. Look at them. They're beautiful, happy. I think I was a bit hard on her last night. She'd asked for my blessing - for both of them. I didn't give it. I should apologize."

"I'd let it sit my friend. You know how she can be."

"I do know how she can be Grace. She's brilliant, remarkably funny, magnificently beautiful, loyal, and very much in love with Kate. Stainless beautiful Kate." He had a bit of bob on.

"Oh Gavin. Kate's not stainless."

He turns to stare at Grace. Lost. "It's all become very confusing Grace."

"It's simple Gavin. It's just a staged robbery. You're meeting her Friday, correct?"

"Right."

"Our fellow goes in around five-ish. Stages the robbery. Lays hands on her, roughs her up a bit. You arrive; hear the noise and nonsense from outside. Grab the gun from your glove box. You know the rest. You're the hero."

"I don't know Grace. Why do I want to put her through that?"

"Let me draw it out for you. I'm not giving you much of a choice Gavin. You and I both know your little secrets are in need of some sanitizing. And this will wash them clean them for us both."

"Clear?"

"Clear."

"Perfect. Now go home your drunk. And Gavin..."

"Yes?"

"Don't follow her."

* * *

"Dr. Elliott." Poised.

"Claire Webb, call me Caroline, please."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Caroline."

"Likewise. Enjoying the evening I trust." Caroline turns herself to stand beside the woman as they begin to engage.

She's always found it hard to face somebody when getting to know them, has trained herself to look away. It numbs some of the senses, avoids entanglement, allows her to listen.

"It's been lovely Caroline. Delightful. I was fortunate to have great company through dinner." She turns a smile to Kate.

Lovely - Delightful. Claire Webb.

An easy five foot nine inches of sheer class.

Grey violet eyes and a well squared jaw - both so steely as to render her the handsomest mannish woman - ever. Polished.

Carries a physical presence atop a ramrod posture.

Slight but sturdy - athletic.

Hair - blond black, cut to the jaw.

Limbs - of great length.

Late thirties early forties with the experience and class of a woman in her fifties.

"I'm off shortly, but I wanted to express my, our gratitude for such a brilliant learning environment. Both of our daughters have been nothing but ecstatic since enrollment."

"They've transferred in, beginning of term correct. Last name Durham?"

"Yes, very good."

"I've had help." Caroline leans her head to Kate with a smile.

"I see. Yes, we've moved, just in from London. My partner's taken a position in the new Trauma unit at the Hospital here in Harrogate. The four of us have been plugged up in a flat near the hospital until our home is finished."

"You're building. Wonderful. Where?"

"We're just outside of the city - twenty minute drive or so. Slightly behind schedule, we're actually just..."

Caroline's distracted by an announcement.

"I'm sorry I'll need to attend to that - I do apologize, it's been lovely to chat. I hope we'll see you again." And as Caroline can - she's gone.

"I should be off Kate, it's getting late for us." Claire gives her belly a rub.

"Tomorrow then?"

"Certainly tomorrow. Mid-afternoon?"

"Perfect."

"She alright?" Claire searching in the direction of Caroline.

"Oh she's fine."

"She seems distracted."

"Can be. These events are more work than social for her. Can take its toll by night's end."

"I'm sure it can."

* * *

"Caroline." Kate's made her way into the office and is standing at the desk before Caroline feels her presence.

"Hi. You ready?" Typing numeric into a spreadsheet, not turning, not looking up.

"What in heaven's name are you doing?"

"Oh, I was just taking a moment to wrap a few..."

"Let's go. Its home time. You work's done." Kate's rested herself on the corner of Caroline's desk. Releasing the solitary button on her jacket.

"I called us a cab." Attention caught, her eyes now working their way through the woman in front of her.

"Good."

"And there it is. Shall we?" Head lamps light the parking lot.

"46 Conway Drive please." Kate's polite yet distracted.

"Where are you?"

"Thinking."

"About?" Caroline takes her hand.

"You."

"What about me?"

"I think you need a bit of a break."

"I need you is what I need. It's been damn near a month."

"Caroline!" Kate has caught the driver watching in the rear view mirror. Listening.

"What? It's true. Rolling around in the Fiat on Make Out Mountain, and then that fiasco with Mum last night in the hallway." She's whispering now, but louder than she'd been speaking previously.

"Caroline. Shut up, at least until we get home."

"Sorry." Laughter.

Kate pays the driver. Caroline reaches for her keys in her clutch as they make the steps.

"Oh here. I got you something while we were in the cab." Knickers.

"How in heaven's name do you do that?"

"I told you. It's a talent I acquired years ago. Hey Mum we're back. Everything good?" Caroline pokes her head into the family room, finds her mother and Alan playing on the X Box.

Kate's making her way up the stairs.

"Everything's grand, she was perfect dear. Oh I see we're still clothed."

'Um Yah, the two of you can let yourselves out when you're done - I'm headed up. Thank you. Night night."

* * *

"That was fast." Caroline closes the door behind her. She'd stopped in to check on Liv.

"I'm Waiting." Kate, nude.

"I can see that." Perfect. Caroline wastes no time in wasting time. Control is always key.

Item by item, piece by piece until there's nothing left but – her.

"Come here please." Kate pulls the cover.

"God you feel very good." Every bit connected.

Face to face.

Breast to breast.

Hip to hip.

Knee to knee.

Toe to toe.

Caroline fully charged.

"We could stay like this forever." Kate's begun to run her hand from the back of Caroline's knee, up along the thigh, resting now.

"Why do you love me so much Kate?" Waiting

"Don't know. Just lucky I guess." Taking.

"Good God Kate, please."

"I need to tell you something first."

"What."

"Claire."

"What about Claire?" Caroline begins to hear her own pulse.

She rolls over onto her side, back to Kate, watching the light beam from under the bedroom door - convincing herself they'll never make love again. Pouting.

"Do you remember weeks back, when we were making love on the deck at the cabin?"

Caroline flips - fast.

"What the hell could that have to do with Claire?"

"You thought you saw somebody at the new property, next door?"

"Let me guess Kate - it was Claire." Dripping - sarcasm.

"Yes."

Caroline forces Kate onto her back, climbs atop, straddled and pinned. Gone is tame and tender.

"You're joking."

"No." Kate's fingers finding their way through familiar folds, rendering Caroline speechless for the second time today. "You have been waiting, haven't you?"

"Mmmm hmm. God Kate." A whine. Head falls back.

"Deeper?" Kate's found Caroline's familiar rhythm.

"Um, yes please."

"Well, you're polite all of a sudden. I've invited her for dinner tomorrow evening."

"Perfect Kate - harder, please. WHHatt?" Caroline manages to free a hand, attempting to balance on only one. Closes the other over Kate's mouth, only to watch mischief move to her eyes.

"Kate you need to stop talking or I'm going to come, please."

Kate pulls herself up without breaking her stride; forcing Caroline into an upright position wraps her legs around the backs of Caroline's knees. Caroline's Requiem, again pulling at Kate's senses, her sounds, her scent, her taste, the site of her in the rise and fall of her rhythm.

Kate pulls Caroline's hand from her mouth.

Quietly - "Touch me."

Caroline releases a whimper on impact - fallen.

Kate holds her rhythm - stronger - stricter.

"Fuck me Caroline."

Caroline's driving force - finally.

They're timed, trained - both fully taken.

"Slow Kate, we've got all night."

Kind and practiced.

Caroline is mesmerized by the sweat rising to Kate's surface, cloaking her entire torso.

They're perfect, deliberate in every stroke.

"Kiss me."

Kate feels the sound as Caroline's mouth covers her own - the moan driving through them both.

Need…and then.

Celia's voice - from the other side of the door. "We're off. Night."

Startled. It happens.

Kate is quick enough to throw her hand over Caroline's mouth. Stifles her cry, attempts to hold her whole.

"Good night Celia." Kate manages politely, Caroline's head now on her shoulder. "Thank you again." She watches for the shadow beneath the door to shallow as Celia makes her way back to the stairs. Lift's her hand. Let's Caroline find the air.

"You o.k.?"

"No. You?"

"You sounded o.k."

"Kate. My mother is going to be the death of me. I'm going to have a heart attack. And does the rest of the world really need to be present each and every time we make love?" This time she's visibly upset.

She's pulled Kate back down beneath her. "I still want you."

"Then take me Caroline."

"You've invited her to dinner?"

"Caroline. Use your mouth for good, please."

* * *

"Really sweetheart. Cohen."

The early fall sun is high in sky. They'd made their way to the cabin by early morning. Been to market, napped, read, wound down and read again. Caroline is comfortable again, back in the present.

"I love Leonard Cohen."

"I had no idea." Kate steals a bean.

"Where is everybody?" By everybody she means Olivia and Lawrence.

"They're outside watching rabbits."

"God Kate. Please be certain he's careful with her around that pool."

"He's fine Caroline."

"I'm fascinated at how much time he spends with her, with us."

"Caroline, I think it's you he's trying to get near." Kate's digging for a corkscrew, intentionally avoiding eye contact on that one.

"Really?" It's not dawned on her until now. "Really. Hmmph. Alright."

Kate looks up to see Liv, Lawrence and Claire Webb, sitting on the edge of the deck.

"Caroline." Kate points.

"How long's she been here?"

"I don't know must have just arrived. I told her to come over a touch early if she'd like a swim. Looks like she's introduced herself."

"Kate that's remarkable artwork." The two are now gawking out through the patio doors.

"You didn't see it last night? She was wearing a dropped back dress. What did you think the boys were staring at?"

"Well her. I had no idea."

"Caroline Elliott. I know that look."

"What?" Caroline makes an attempt at innocent and ends up an idiot.

"Do you know what it is?"

"Not off the top of my head. I can't even imagine the amount of pain involved in a tattoo that size. That's covering her entire back Kate."

"Yep. I can see it Caroline." Bottle's open.

"Has Lawrence seen it yet?"

"Oh God. Caroline we should get out there. He'll have something to say."

Kate grabs the tray of hors d'oeuvre and heads toward the yard.

"I'll grab a couple of towels."

"Hi. Claire."

"Hello Kate. I was just getting to know Lawrence and Olivia. My apologies. I should have said 'hello.'"

"Oh it's fine, it's just lovely to see you. Caroline will be out in just a minute. I think she's gone to fetch you a towel if you'd like a swim."

"I'd like a swim." Lawrence suddenly animated darts for the living room.

"He's sweet."

"He's something alright - all Lawrence for sure. He actually is quite lovely. Brilliant, takes after his mum." Kate's watched him dash.

"He's fortunate then. I've read some of her early work. She has a gift, that's for sure."

Olivia of course has followed Lawrence into the cabin, and Claire's moved herself to an appropriate chair at the deck table next to Kate.

"Lemonade?"

"Perfect - please. Thank - you. I'm sure you've had the pleasure of some personal insight into the musings of Dr. Caroline Dawson. It's odd, she stopped writing immediately after she married."

"I've actually only read one of her paper's really." Kate passes a glass and a napkin. It was mandatory for all new teachers at Sulgrave."

"Really. She has all new teachers' read her work? Seems a touch.."

"No. Not Caroline. Grace Mitchell."

"Right. Grace. We met last night. Interesting attributes."

'Mum, Mum, Mum."

"What Lawrence? What?" Caroline's waiting patiently on Olivia who's decided to read a book whilst on the toilet." "What do you want?"

"Claire Webb's out there. Claire Webb."

"Lawrence when did you learn about Claire Webb?"

"We watched the live news feed at school, when they found her and brought her back to England, we watched her arrival. We'd just moved here, so ninth year I guess. Did you see her tattoo Mum?"

"Really - you watched it live in class. Did I authorize that?"

"I don't know. Did you see her tattoo?"

"Yes Lawrence. I saw her tattoo."

"Do you know what it is? I do."

"What is it?" Caroline's now intrigued.

"I don't remember the name specifically, but it's some Buddhist thing with a thousand arms."

"Really?" She looks again. "You're right Lawrence its Avalokiteshvara - Compassion."

"Yah. She had it done to cover the scaring on her back from the bombing. How'd you know that mum?"

Caroline freezes. Indelible.

"Oh Lawrence. I'm sure I read it somewhere." Caroline reaches out to run her hand through his brilliantly black hair. He really is lovely.

"I know. Sad right."

Caroline turns from the lavatory door and peaks through to the deck. "Yes Lawrence. The whole thing was sad." She's suddenly solitary.

"She's beautiful Mum. Wait till Angus finds out she's here."

"Lawrence I'm not convinced that she wants the world to know her whereabouts. Maybe we should just keep it between us until we all get to know each other a bit better. We've just met the woman."

"Alright. Have you seen my trunks? I'd like a swim." He's off.

Caroline appears at the deck. Towels and toddler in tow.

"Caroline. Hi. She suits you."

Claire drops her eyes to Olivia, keeping close to her Mum.

"I think Olivia believes we suit her, but yes she's quite spectacular. It's nice to see you Claire. I wanted to apologize for running off last evening..."

"Not a thought. Work is work, I do understand. I've just spent the better part of the morning penning a piece in response to the weak editorial the Mail printed last week, reviewing Sally Wainwright's work in her most recent drama."

Caroline's parked herself. Claire's caught her attention. Towels stacked on her lap. Hands folded.

"I'm always struck by how poorly people can define and describe violence against women given that they've not necessarily experienced any themselves." Claire continues.

Kate feels Caroline's composure drain. Sees her hands now working along the length of the table. The concern returns. Kate's confused by Caroline's recent frailty around anything Caroline.

"Claire I'd heard you were working on a book, Yes?" Kate looks to turn the topic.

"I am."

"What's it about?" Caroline reaches out to take Kate's hand in gratitude, saved.

"It's a collection of memoirs, women who've chosen to walk with darkness in order to find light. But enough about me Caroline, tell me about you."


	20. Chapter 20 - Withershins In Whitby

"You slept over." _Blurted._

There was Kate.

Here was Kate.

Surrounded seductive sublime.

Warm and wholly wrapped into Caroline.

Tucked, tantalizing.

...and Caroline can only manage - "You slept over."

"No Caroline. I actually just got here, climbed in through a window, up the stairs and crawled in next to you fully clothed. Backed myself into you without you stirring and pulled your arm around me in a somewhat intimate and suggestive manner, cupping your left hand on my right breast."

Caroline acknowledges the hand in question both by location and position. Can't help but think - _Well done,_ and then..._panic. _Soon followed by - _Well done - again. But how, when? Oh God..._

"No need to be discourteous Kate. Would you like me to move my hand?" An attempt at playing calm and collected. It would have been easier if only she could recall how it got there in the first place.

"Nope. You're fine. Unless of course the contained object is not to your standard Dr. Elliot?" Calm and collected - and completely in control. Once again - could play at this all day and thinks she may.

"Well, given that I've made it to second base after only one kiss, I'd say I'm performing above the curve." She rallies, and then the stall. Engine ceases. Clutched.

"You're avoiding the question Caroline and just for reference - there were two kisses."

"Where in heaven's name was the second?" Clamouring for context.

"In the parking lot - just outside of the grocer's. You'd been organizing our purchases - by purpose of course, turned to ask me a question, and instead chose to kiss me."

"Oh I see! Well that second one was stolen - by YOU - non cooperative, non-responsive, doesn't count." Caroline hesitates, draws a careful breath and instantly yanks the hand from Kate's breast. _Class act on exhibit_.

Caroline Elliot is aptly aware of her performance curve contentions - well it's more like a cliff - absent of rolling hills and curvaceous climbs. It's more like all brow or all basin. _Grab your crampons girls here comes Everest._

"Oh it was remarkably responsive Caroline, and completely cooperative."

"Nope." Struggling now to find somewhere to put that damned hand, happily humoured. She could get used to this.

"Oh Caroline, it was." Kate's tone now indicates an impending summit. "Your tongue in my mouth is one hundr..."

"Kate! Let's be clear." _Here we go - breaking base camp_. "There are several steps to the scientific method, shaped like an hourglass really. Beginning with the general observations, then narrowing down to focus on one specific aspect..." She's begun to diagram along Kate's diaphragm.

"In this case we'd be referring to my breasts?" Kate's now turned to face her teacher.

"Correct. Don't interrupt me Kate." Delivering kisses between sentences. "Designing research models can take time and accuracy, enough to allow us to analyse the chosen aspect. Then over time, and of course repeated and consistent observation, we can then conclude and publicize our findings to the general population."

"I'm in love with you." Her hand now attempting a trial run at the Dr. Caroline Elliot hourglass hypothesis of anatomical experimentation.

"Sorry?" _Can't climb this one fast enough._ "Hoow?"

"What do you mean how? I don't know how, I just am. It happened. Somewhere between the school parking lot, your perfect legs, Grace's party, Sylvia's grave and your God damned doppelganger breaking up our delightful little exchange at the cemetery. Somewhere in all of that I fell in love with you, fully, soup to nuts. I'm sorry."

"Really, soup to nuts?"_ Dropping to her death – it's what came out._

"No peanuts."

"Really?"

"Never, none, please. I'll die."

"Epi pen?"

"Always. It's in my bag if you ever need it."

"I won't, never have to tell me twice."

"Caroline?"

"I heard you Kate. No peanuts... and I heard you."

She could never be so inept as to miss this cue.

A gentle tug, she pulls Kate's upper lip into her mouth, rests awaiting response - one breath.

Kate resuscitates, does damage, draws blood, bites.

Caroline holds fast, then draws back her desire.

Finger to flare she peers at her blood stained pad.

"Oh Caroline, I'm sorry."

"It's O.K. Kate. It's fine. Not to worry." She licks at the salt stained wound - tasting Kate.

"I do love you Caroline. I won't take that back."

"Kate you need to hear what I'm about to say to you, please." She takes her time, tenderizes. "If I could love somebody, if I were capable, if I could, I think it could be you." Slower still. "Kiss me."

It ran deep, spread far, entangled its blood stained tentacles into tissue and tendon. Became a plea, maybe even a prayer. A prayer for Kate, for them, for the things she knows she'll put them through, force them to, take them from, if only she were to say it. If she let it escape, run casual and footloose throughout her world, what would become of it. "I could truly love you - if I could."

Kate now lying still. Unspoken, alone in her arms.

"Let me take you away today, come with me. Spend the rest of the day with me Kate. John won't drop the boys until tomorrow dinner and mum won't be back from London until early morning. I need to get to know you Kate - and me with you. Come play Withershins with me in Whitby. We can talk in the car – alright?"

"I should shower." Her back to Caroline - a world between them.

"Perfect. Use mine - I'll brave the boys'. She sees the disappointment in Kate's eyes, senses her own, not at all unaware of the aching arousal that's been eating at her the entire night, and now.

"In time Kate. I just need time. Let me get you a fresh towel." Caroline rises to the occasion. Drops a fresh towel set onto the vanity and makes her way out of the bedroom, pulling the door behind her.

Before her foot hits the first stair she hears the emphatic "Fuck" as Kate slams the ensuite door shut.

"Can I apologize just once more?" Kate's come through the kitchen, clean, and props herself against the bookshelf next to Caroline's desk.

"Nope no need. It's fine Kate." She turns to check the state of her charge and blinks directly into beauty. "Have I ever seen you in white?"

"I don't know."

"Nice." She turns back to the task at hand, no attempt made to hide the suggestive smile.

Kate makes a trip to Caroline, managing mountains along the way. Wraps her arms around her neck and places a kiss atop her head. The smell of soap and sublimity scaring her senses. "What are you doing?"

"Placing an on order for a half pound of Sashimi grade tuna loin with Sandgate Seafoods in Whitby. We'll pick it up when we've completed our 199." She hits 'return' stands and wraps her arms around Kate's waist. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Just need to get to know us Kate. Ready?"

"Depends."

"Nope. Can't tell you. Not until I've got you in the car. Let's stop at that little tea shop that you love so much on the way out of town. I'm starved."

Its 73 miles from Harrogate to Whitby. The first twenty apparently require isolated, unadulterated silence. It's cold in February, four degrees on the ambient dashboard read. Minus ten in the Jeep.

"Kate?"

"Mm hm." She's been staring at the same frost furrow etched along the passenger's window for over fifteen minutes.

"Talk to me please."

She'd been waiting.

"What do you want from me Caroline? You waltz into my world, like you own it, with your awkward elegance and your bumbling beauty and expect me to not notice. And if I'd have ignored that, if there were just that, well fine." Her delicate hands conducting an orchestra of emotions dancing down the highway. "But no. That's not enough. You change, you change for me. You ground, you calm, you laugh for me. And you wrap Caroline. That's the worst." Crescendo's coming. "Oh let's not forget how wonderfully you wrap, how you present each and every morning, every day. It doesn't matter where you are, who you're with, what you've chosen. You're perfect. What do you want from me?"

The silence returns. Another twenty odd miles or so.

"So Withershins? Thought you'd never ask Kate. It's a game that my Dad made up, for us. For He and I. Every year around this time we'd head to Whitby, climb halfway - to the centre of the 199 stairs - and work our way out. I to the top, He to the bottom. One step at a time. Would you like to know the rules?"

"Sure." Such enthusiasm.

"We'd pick a theme. Say...'Fun facts' or 'Unfound firsts'. Take turns. And with each proclamation, you take a step. Of course you're getting further and further away from each other with each declaration. But really, if you think about it, you're actually getting closer and closer. With each step you learn something about each other that you'd never have known. What do you think? He was quite clever my Dad."

"There. You're doing it. Right now."

"What Kate, what?"

"Being Caroline; deliciously daft."

O.K. Kate. That's enough. I can't take any more. What do you want from me? If you love me, love who I am, love who you make me, yet want me to not be me, then what do you want?"

Thirty miles left. Silence. Jeep's parked.

Caroline drags her to the hundredth stair.

"Stay."

She pulls a paper bag from her pocket, tattered, somewhat torn, pulls her glove with her teeth and keeps it there, lathered in lipstick. Unrolls the rim of the bag and dips in to toss about the tiny pieces tucked inside. "This was the bag we used, my dad and I. It's full of fantastic topics.

"Pick."

She holds the open bag out for Kate, who is now looking at her with complete perplexity.

"Pick Kate."

Her tone takes a turn. Softens, becomes the kindness of Caroline. "Love me Kate. Right now. Right here. Play Withershins with me. I brought his ashes here Kate. Played a round by myself. And when I got to the top, I released him, let him go, with all of his flaws and faults. I can be like him in many ways Kate. Pick."

"You and I."

"Oh brilliant. I love this one. Alright. You ready?"

They begin, its awkward at first, but gains momentum. Brings laughter. Seeks out similarities, defines the differences.

Further and further away they step, closer and closer they become. Louder with every personalized proclamation.

Kate - Caroline

Annuals - Perennials

Ice Cream - Gelato

Curled - Stretched

White - Red

Shandy - Scotch

Restraint - Release

Roasted - Mashed

Shaken - Stirred

Pistachios - Peanuts (kidding) Pepitas

Leg - Breast...

"Stay there. I'm on my way up."

Kate drifts away from the landing, toward the cliff's edge while waiting for Caroline to make the 199 stairs from the bottom.

Lets the February frost fill her lungs, freeze her heart.

She can imagine a young Caroline, bundled and tucked into warmer wraps, a daughter, a child.

Learning the rules, working the words, loving her Dad.

Kate felt ashamed, selfish, embarrassed.

"Hi." Caroline arrives, winded, breath freezing in the February air. "God. I'm glad I didn't have to play the bottom all those years. You alright?" She stands behind and pulls her in, tight. The whisper. "I will do the absolute very best that I can. But I promise you, it's not going to be easy, for either of us. I know me Kate. Come on. Let's go get our tuna, and get on the highway. I want to cook for you."

They're headed to the car hand in hand. "We've got a few things to discuss Caroline Elliot."

"Like?"

"Mashed? Really."

"Always mashed."

The tuna was waiting when they arrived, and so was the monger. A younger man, well weathered. He knew Caroline, had known for years. "Dad passed just last winter, 'bout this time."

"I'm sorry James. You'll miss him."

"Everyday. He's here though, he's with us in everything. What 'bout your dad?"

"Gone too James. Not quite a year. Best. He wasn't well." Kate wandered, giving them time to visit and reminisce, returning just in time.

"Well we best be off. Dark comes early. Take care James, it was good to see you. Tell your mum hello."

"You too Caroline. Next year?"

She turns Kate a look? Hope. "Yes James. We'll see you next year."

* * *

Kate topped a stool at the island. Working renovation photographs into the album that Caroline had pulled from the stack of intentions she'd piled in the spare room. Her senses shanghaied by Caroline's chemical manipulations. White wine.

They sat and mused over photo location and position, their own similarities differences and a Mediterranean meze platter that Caroline had miraculously manufactured.

She leaned over for a more than lengthy kiss, once again testing Caroline's theory of anatomical whatever or what the heck… "Kate, life hasn't felt like this in…never."

Marinated Cucumbers – lemon zest, fresh dill, truffled.

Raw beets shaved, basil, mint, ground pepitas, just a drop of peppered sesame oil.

Marinated carrots sliced with smoked paprika, garlic, salted.

Olives doused in citrus and rosemary, grapefruit.

Goat cheese rolled in za'atar spice.

Album complete.

Differences settled.

She tops a trivet with a tiny pot, a board of crostini and a side of warmed tomato sauce…one fork.

She'd poached the tuna - stove top - tucked into a stew of anchovies, capers, garlic, red chilies, cinnamon and oregano. "Tuck in." Caroline's converted to red - resolved.

Kate's intoxicated, physically, emotionally, chemically. "Caroline I know you're going to tell me that it's just chemistry. But has it crossed your mind that you've missed your calling?"

"Kate. It's just tuna. Come on. Let's have dessert in front of the television."

She leaves the kitchen with nothing other than a glass of wine - and Kate?

"Did you know that Lutheran churches in Germany, Iceland, and Scandinavia support masturbation as a positive expression of sexuality?" Caroline whispers playfully, vibrating the words against the corner of Kate's jaw. They'd been playing on the couch for almost an hour. It was comfortable, light and uncommonly erotic.

A shaky sigh. "Caroline." Kate's response is spirited, yet seduced.

"You alright?" Caroline knows the answer.

"Not really." Worn.

"Anything I can do?"

"I would think - yes." Deep orbs longing for release.

"And if I did?"

"And if you did...what? Caroline."

"Would you stop me?"

"Well that depends."

"Seems to be quite a bit of that going around the past day or so. I'll watch myself."

"No need."

"Certain?"

"Certain."

Caroline has managed to release the button at the top of Kate's jeans and is slowly working the zipper to the bottom of its jaw - one tooth at a time.

"I need to know you Kate."

"Alright." Disabled

"Take my hand, show me."

Kate lays her hand precisely where she needs it, prepares the province – then guides Caroline's directly beneath her own.

The heel of her palm resting atop Kate's pubic bone, fingers pulled, placed and positioned, their hands entwined, Kate applies just enough pressure to ensure that Caroline is clear on what's required.

"Please don't move."

First sensation is subtly familiar yet intoxicatingly new.

Her first rise is slight, just enough for Caroline to feel her movement, slow and short. Stop.

Kate's in control.

Caroline can't help but kiss her. Eyes wide.

Kate draws a jagged breath and begins again. Still slow, but longer…

Watching Caroline, loving Caroline.

…and longer, her hips rising just enough to pull Caroline in and dropping just enough to release – slightly.

Again – again – again.

Kate removes her own hand, looking for Caroline's mouth. Tracing her lips with a finger, whetting.

She then delivers the torpid kiss. The sweet of cinnamon still fresh on her tongue from dinner pools into the briny wet she'd left lingering on Caroline's lips.

Elixir.

Eyes still locked.

Kate's in control, bringing herself so dangerously near she can barely stand it. Stop.

This is for Caroline.

Eyes closed now, she begins again, different.

Thrusting – shorter – driving into Caroline – so desperately intentional – fast and sharp.

Restrains – then with one final thrust, pulls Caroline in, fully, deeper than either thought possible, contracts, returns her hand to Caroline's and manages "Don't move."

Caroline can feel the convulsions as they come, in waves, up the arm, to the heart.

Blood rushing, breathe Kate.

Caroline, fully schooled.

Caroline awakens – test patterns comfort the room.

Kate asleep in her arms, the two tangled together on the couch.

"Kate. Kate?"

"Hmm?" A squirm, an eye, a smile, another eye. "Hi."

"Hey. I need to get you home."

"My God, yes. What time is it?

"Just midnight."

* * *

They've been sitting curbside, chatting about nothing really.

A kiss worthy of the day, dinner and their evening.

"Kate, just one thing, before you go…well two, really."

"O.K."

"I know we play about from time to time in regards to Grace. But you need to promise me something."

"What?" Kate can hear the concern in her voice, see it on her brow.

"I would normally ask, but instead I'm just going to say it because, well there's no other way. I am telling you Kate...stay away from that woman."

"Alright? Caroline, did you and Grace ever sleep together?"

"Once, if you want to call it that. A very long time ago. I was 28."

"And?"

"The most bizarre sexual experience I've had in my life." Serious, not sarcastic.

"Really?"

"Yup. And you?"

"No."

"But your car? That Monday."

"Tutoring one of the girls before a paper."

"Right. Shame on me." They both laugh.

"What was the second thing? You said there were two?"

"I love you Kate."

* * *

Caroline's been tossing and turning for almost an hour – begins to drift – and then the buzz of her phone.

It's Kate – text.

_"Can't sleep."_

_"Same."_

_"Come here."_

_"On my way."_


	21. Chapter 21 - Brainstorming

Kate has managed to gorge her way through the better part of a bottle of her favourite Argentinean Grigio. Sat now, chair angled away from the table with nothing in front of her but the bottle, glass, and Olivia.

Sweet tiny Olivia.

Cinnamon curls twisting into the late afternoon haze, digging her way through carrots, mashed and tiny bits of chicken. Kate recalls the delicious morning when Caroline, stunning in the early light, was so enamoured with her tiny fingers placing bits of blueberry onto a spoon and then working that spoon - turning, tilting until she'd managed to hit home. "She's left handed Kate - Love it!" Ringing her hands in the air as though in victory of the dawning day.

"All gone now Liv. It's all gone."  
"Yup." Olivia manages, mouth full - sure that her mum's referring to the vanished carrots - always the first to go.

"Hello?" An acquainted articulation hits the dusty cabin air, kind only in its awakening. Retrieving Kate from the revolving recollections of this afternoon's malignant memories - ripping at her disposition - turning her, pulling at her character.

"Hello." She returns flatly, not caring really who it could be. "Grace?" Kate catches the feminine form through the front screened door, Damascus rearing it cavernous complexion just over Grace's right shoulder. Conversion's potential swelling with every spoken syllable.

"First come first served..." it actually crossed Kate's bruised inebriated intellect as she rises to allow Grace into her home, "Come in Grace - how'd you trace me here?" Kate leans out to hold the screen door open allowing Grace room to pass through - arms full.

"Thank you Kate."

"Right." Kate moves back toward the bottle, drains her glass, pours what's remaining then moves to release Olivia from her booster - launching the tiny hurricane out into the living room after wiping her face and hands free of debris. "You've got fifteen minutes young lady - and then we're off to bed."

"Beverley mentioned that something had happened at the hospital this afternoon with Caroline?" Grace has made her way into the kitchen, devouring the design and decor ... "That you'd be out for the remainder of the day. She said you'd asked Lawrence to bring home the marking you'd left at school. He'd just stopped into the office to retrieve it while I was there and I offered him a ride home. It is on my way after all - Conway's only a block from the house. When we arrived Caroline's mum informed that you'd stopped in for some personal belongings and was heading this way for the night. I thought I'd come out to see if there was anything I could do - anything you may need - and drop these by." Grace plunked the cumbersome stack of test booklets onto the kitchen island - noticing the ring lying just next to Kate's purse and sweater. "Pretty."

"Mmmm?" Kate's been distracted by Olivia running laps from one bedroom to another and back and forth down the hall. "Sorry Grace, you were saying?" Verbalizing the last bit of well-behaved she has in her. Kate realizes, acknowledges that she's actually seeking a tangle, an encounter, an opportunity to lash out, to relieve her languish.

"The ring - on the counter. It's beautiful. Is it yours?"

"Nope, that one used to belong to Caroline." Kate spits it out, raising the side of her mouth in a snarl. The cold of the floor flashes beneath her bare feet, confirming her new solitary existence.

She believed Caroline when she told her not come back, to never return. Kate wants to be angry - angry enough to let go - to not care. But for now it just hurts, hurts through to a bruise, cherried on the outside, plummed in the middle, the centre steel white at point of impact, her mind's eye flashing back to Caroline pitching the piece across the hospital cafeteria in a rage. It misses Kate and ricochets off of the concrete blocked wall, landing at the feet of a nurse making her way to a table. The woman bends to retrieve the item to her hand, and then holds it open for Kate to take the prize. Snatching the item in distress Kate administers a "thank-you."

"Is everything alright with Caroline - is she alright?" Grace manages a counterfeit concern - again pulling Kate back to the present.

"Bed." Olivia's working to maintain her rotation in the conversation. "Mumma C?"

"No, not tonight Liv." Kate fears the warm swell flooding her eyes as Olivia stares up, her hands hoisted in question.

"Why?" Concern tangled in confusion.

"Mumma C has to be somewhere else this evening Olivia."

"But why?" Persistent.

"She has work to do sweetheart." Kate bends to help Liv pull the tiny xylophone from the cedar toy box tucked in behind the television and then guides her back to the centre of the room where she can keep an eye.

"Work?" There's a grunt to her word - "work, work, work." A pause and then..."Music?" Olivia places the tiny item on the coffee table and raises the hammer ready to deliver.

"Play for me Liv." Kate's aware she's a bit pissed but cares not a pinch.

"I'm sorry again Grace. She can be commanding - Olivia that is - well I suppose our Caroline can be as well - I use the term "ours" loosely of course Grace - I believe it's been a bit longer for you than it has been for me." Kate's tone rains regret as she weaves her way past Grace's stand in the kitchen. She pitches the empty wine bottle to the bin with an intense accuracy. "What was the question again?"

"I asked if Caroline was doing alright." Where most would fear to tread, Grace readies herself for recreation.

"I don't know really. That is the question, isn't it? Has Caroline ever been alright? I wonder. You tell me Grace. You've known her much longer than I, and certainly just as well, or so I've been told, maybe even better?"

"I've brought Brandy." Grace holds the bottle to the setting sunlight - driving itself dangerously through the kitchen window, tossing ambered darts about the room, boldly blowing by Kate's tousled mane. "Thought you could use some company."

"I can always use company Grace. Help yourself to the glasses, make yourself comfortable. I'm going to ready the maestro here for bed. Come on Liv it's that time."

Kate's full of her usual platitudes, pleasantries and piety as she prepares her charming cherub for sleep. It would tear her soul to debris if she thought for even just a breath that Olivia would see any of her suffering. And then as only Caroline's child could, Liv reaches out to caress her hand against the broad of Kate's clammy cheek. Kate's forced to look away - handing Olivia her Lammy as she turns. "Night Sweetheart." Kate hits the light switch on the way out - intentions fully loaded.

* * *

"Caroline!" It was the third time Kate had said her name.

"What Kate, what!"

"What is wrong with you? I've never seen you this agitated."

They'd tucked themselves into a table for two in the tiny cafeteria in the psychiatric ward. Most days it was an entertaining perspective, but not today. Today the tables had turned and Kate felt very much on display - window seat looking out at the same garden that held Caroline and Dr. Sarah Durham only minutes earlier.

As their lunch wore on Kate began to feel vulnerable, exposed, damaged even.

Caroline had grown mean, sparging remarks about Kate's vulnerability in reference to Caroline's own domineering ways. "Waiting, returning, taking it Kate like some love sick school girl who doesn't know when to stay and when to go..."

"I love you Caroline."

"Oh Kate please, let it fall would you. Set it to rest. Neither of us knows what love is. It would have to exist for us to actually be able to know it. Think about it Kate; actually give it some intelligible thought. Where? Where do you see it Kate? Look around. Look at where we are right now. Look at me Kate! Really look at me and tell me that this, this casing, this shallow hollow creature that you see before you represents anything even close to love...Fuck Off Kate. You're blessed bull shit in its finest form and you know it. You know it - with your precious music and language - you're studied ways - what Kate, what of me gives you love?"

"Caroline. Please, lower your voice. People are staring."

"Let them stare Kate. Let them see the freak show, the show that's you and I. Let's be the example for them Kate - the thing that gives them resolution, allows them to move forward. It's mine Kate, it's my story. This is how it ends. Head Teacher destroys lives, drags in the desolate, the desperate, and the delinquent - draws them close and then destroys with deliberate determination. It's what they're all thinking isn't it Kate? They think we're damaged - damaged."

"Caroline. None of that is true and you know it. People want to help, to express their sympathies, support you - us. There's just nothing for them to grasp on to, nothing tangible, not yet, but it will come. Give yourself time."

"Right! You're exactly right Kate. Nothing! I've got nothing - Nice to see you paying attention. Welcome to the freak show."

"Caroline I think we should call Sarah. Maybe it's time for me to leave. I should head back to work. I guess I thought we could spend some time together, you and I."

"There is no "I" Kate. That's the bloody point isn't it? Every time, every sodding blessed time that I get a glimpse of "I" the noise gets louder, closer, congested, consolidated. The veil gets thinner and I get closer to gone. Go Kate. Go back to your school, to your classroom and your students; go back to your normal - whatever that is."

Kate stands in the hope that it will stall Caroline's rant. Bring some peace to the table. But instead it only provokes the inevitable, allows Caroline to stand, to let her voice be heard. To launch into the world the confusion, the disorientation that defines her very soul, brings her to breath every morning and drowns her in a medicated muddle every night.

Orderlies appear, only feet away from Caroline and Kate glances in their direction.

"Oh don't worry Kate, I can feel them, I know they're there. It's all transparent all of it. Has been for longer than I care to remember. But I'm ready, ready to acknowledge it all, my guilt, my needs, my role in it. I betrayed you Kate, betrayed us, our daughter, my sons all of it. And here we are. So fuck off Kate. Go - and take your God Damned pickle with you. Caroline pitches an object across the dining room, letting it hit the wall in front of Kate and find its way to the ground. The sunlight catches it in just the right way - darting daggers of red and blue in rays around the room..."I forgot to mention Kate - take that with you as well - and don't come back. You don't need the misery."

Caroline catches the blurred image of Dr. Sarah Durham come into focus, moving carefully through the cafeteria in her direction. Feels her world empty. "Take me. Take all of me. Take it all. Take it Sarah - dear God please take it all."

* * *

Kate returns to the crowded living room. Laughing as she observes Grace taking in the plastic wrapped object in front of her. She bends to retrieve the glass of Brandy - clearly meant for her consumption and thankfully takes the first turn. "It was Caroline's wedding gift to me, delivered the day after the attack. I called the company this afternoon to come and retrieve it."

"Baby Grand?"

"Actually no. Medium Grand. Chose the size herself, convinced that the additional two inches in length would deliver a more balanced full bodied tone."

"She would. How so?"

"The added size gives the builder the opportunity to frame in longer strings and a lengthier soundboard, diminishes the 'clang' that can potentially resonate from a baby grand. Or so she told me." Kate's sounding nearly sober - second turn on the glass.

"Let's unwrap it Kate, shall we. I'd love to hear you play."

"It's headed back Grace - they're here tomorrow to pick it up. We were waiting to draw plans to build off the back of the cabin - a library and conservatory of sorts - but now it's just in the way. Sit?" Kate plumps herself into the well-worn leather on the two-seater sofa sat in the setting sun. Slaps the cushion next to her and looks up at Grace.

Grace can be compliant given situation and subject, and this was just the lesson she'd been planning.

"What can I do Kate?"

"Whatever suits you Grace. My thoughts are this. We've been beating around this bush for as long as I care to remember, concocting claims for why not, when not and where not, pretending to play by the rules and wanting not to at the same time. And let's be honest - its why you're here; to prey on my vulnerability, to create the final chasm that catalyzes Caroline and I. I'm not looking for love Grace - I just want relief, reckoning - maybe even a bit of revenge - who knows - I certainly don't. I say take what you've come for - do what your good at. It's your calling. And please Grace give it your best shot." Kate drops the empty brandy glass to the table - turns three, four and five put to rest - slides in her direction and begins to work the buttons on Grace's blouse.

Kate's halfway to meeting her maker - well into delivering most of Grace's demented demands, having refused her repeated suggestions to retire to the master bed room the two women are sprawled on the cabin's well-worn living room floor. Kate could care less - aware that she's less than aroused - she's simply resigned to meeting a need - playing a role – digging to discover the demon that Caroline had attempted to describe the night that she'd recounted her sexual encounter with Grace Mitchell.

Kate was on the slab - sacrifice at the ready - convinced that this would solve the solution - convinced that there was a connection - there was something about Grace that controlled Caroline - cocooned her in confusion. Kate was clever enough to have known that if she sequestered herself here - opened the door to Grace - that she could very well find her way - find a way for Caroline.

And then - Damascus at the door.

"Kate!" Claire Webb.

Claire doesn't ask for permission - she takes it.

Slides the patio door - and steps in side.

"Kate!" Again

"Oh Kate." Claire reaches for the blanket draped along the back of the sofa.

"You'll need to the get the hell out of here I'm afraid Dr. Mitchell." Claire takes the time to gather and toss the items of clothing that Grace will require to make her escape and wraps the woollen cover around Kate, pulling her from the floor and setting her to the sofa. "Do not move."

"Get! Go." Grace is forced to dress in the entrance, digs for her keys in her purse and descends into the darkness.

"Kate are you alright?" Claire makes her way back to the sofa. Sits sideways on the edge, take's Kate hand - and waits.

"I don't know what I am anymore Claire."

"Where's Olivia?"

"She's in bed. She's safe. I'm not that daft."

"Nobody said you were daft Kate. Listen to me - I'm headed back next door. I'd just stopped over to see how you were fairing. Sarah's come out tonight - we'd some final drafts and drawing to complete for the house. I'm going to bring her back with me. You need to spend some time together."

"I don't need to spend time with anybody right now Claire. I'm fine - I knew exactly what I was doing."

"I understand that you think you know what you were doing - but I'm not convinced that you have a complete understanding of the potential destruction - the damage - the outcome. You need to protect yourself Kate." Claire's standing now, headed to the doors, and prepared to make her way home.

The two women return to the sound of water drumming against tile and glass. Kate's made her way to the shower; sobered now to her own solutions - feeling the solitary suffering of a woman who's resigned herself to love. Willing to do anything to save Caroline from the insanity that has segregated her - stolen her from Kate.

Toweled and dressed - having checked on the cherub - Kate makes her way back to the kitchen - looks to plug in the kettle - and turns to make the offering of "tea?" to the two waiting women.

"Sure." Sarah perforates the silence permeating the room.

"Just water for me. Let me get the tea Kate. You sit with Sarah for bit."

Sarah's pulled two chairs from the dining room table and gestured for Kate to sit.

Kate's reluctant - embarrassed - reluctant in her role in this discussion - given that it's not going to go away - none of it.

Sarah begins, leaning forward and resting her two hands on to Kate's - Kate's hands rested on her own lap - attempting to hold herself together. "Am I going crazy Sarah?" Tear's tracking a course of dissension down Kate exhausted features.

"Far from it Kate. You may actually be ahead of the rest of us. You're knowing Caroline as well as you do - loving her the way only you can - led you to a conclusion about Grace Mitchell that I had to pull from Caroline myself - force her to words. After you'd left this afternoon...

"You mean after she drove me from the building - told me to never come back..."

"Yes. Kate Caroline's agitation while the two of you were visiting was the result of a remarkably lucid episode - they're infrequent in her type of brain injury - but they will come when a patient is most at rest - comfortable - able to process..."

"Alright..."

"I believe that your presence. Your ability to keep Caroline...well, keep her Caroline, for lack of better expression - allowed her to draw from memory - to pull pieces together."

"So..."

"So while we're getting ready to have tea you and I, Grace Mitchell is arriving home to a house load of investigators, police officers and her solicitor."

"I don't understand."

"Kate this is all remarkably difficult and destructive. I fear that you're going to find it all rather degenerate - decayed. And that Caroline has unfortunately been held captive to it for longer than she has been able to allow herself to remember."

"Can you tell me?"

"I can tell you some." Claire delivers tea to the table and then finds herself a seat on the sofa facing the two. "What it comes down to Kate - well - is this?" Sarah draws a sip - pauses to ensure that Kate is present, and begins.

"Caroline's sexual encounter with Grace Mitchell and the rape in 1994, the night she'd returned from Harrogate back to Oxford - well it looks like the two are directly linked Kate - potentially - probably one in the same. That Robert Duncan - the Oxford Rapist and Grace Mitchell are - well have been, working together in some perverse and demented way. And more Kate - the connection continues through to the attack at Sulgrave six weeks ago." Sarah stops - gives Kate a moment - waits.

"But how? Robert Duncan has been in prison Sarah, for years. He's there until the end of this year." Kate's now looking at Claire, and back to Sarah - to anybody who can provide confirmation, place her, mark her.


	22. Chapter 22 - Love

Caroline's awakened by her phone vibrating its way across the steel nightstand - and the smell of burnt.

Eyes flash open - forcing rays of blue up into the white late afternoon. It takes only a second to orient - cabin.

"Jesus. Kate. Wake up. Fire. Something's.." Kate grumps - turns to Caroline's side of the bed, instinctually pulling her infant to her breast. She reaches for Caroline - the absence tugs her awake.

"Caroline! What's happeni...? Oh My God. It's the stew. Damn it."

"Got it. It's alright. Stay put, Olivia's nursing."

She gazes down at the suckling infant, drops her head back to her pillow, and pulls Caroline's in as a bolster for Olivia's late afternoon feeding. "Hey you, well done." Olivia's eyes slowly rolling into sleep and then forcing herself back to wakefulness - not wanting to break her lock on Kate.

Kate's now forcibly focused on the demonstration taking place at the end of the bed and can't help but concede to laughter.

Presenting - dear sweet Caroline Elliot pecking about desperately looking for something to drape over herself, turning circles and mumbling some short string of profanities inaudibly into the afternoon air.

"Oh, Caroline..."

"Not funny."

"Funny. You do know we're alone out here right? You'll be fine. Robes are in the wardrobe, just grab any one for now."

"Can't help it Kate, can't do it. I'm not you. Brilliant, good choice Caroline. I might as well be naked."

"Just go. It's perfect from my perspective by the way."

"Right. I'll deal with you and you're little friend later."

"I somehow don't think that one's fire retardant."

"That's enough now."

It took exactly one minute to locate a set of glitched oven gloves - three seconds to drag the thing out of the oven - a nanosecond to drop the scalding cast iron to the cooktop, another three to four minutes to ice her left hand, and lastly two or three more to ensure that she'd found all of the windows - now opened.

Stopped - pulling a chest full of fresh air - she catches the paperboy standing just the other side of the front door - mouth open - as he drives the Saturday late edition through the delivery slot. It lands at Caroline's feet just as she manages to close the waning wrapper around herself. She bends to retrieve The Post, managing to make the situation worse. "Jesus!"

Kate's laughter still tumbling through the crossing breeze, winging from window to window.

"Still not funny Kate, I'm sure that was a student."

"Oh not to worry. He is. Priceless."

"Water?"

"Yes please."

"Oh for God's sake." Realises she's used all of the ice for her hand.

"Now what?" Kate's trying to catch her breath.

"NNNoootthinng - damn it."

"Caroline, come back to bed."

"In a minute, I've got to ring my mum."

"Right."

Voicemail. Of course. She can only imagine what adventures the two of them have embarked upon. She shakes her head, in the fear that they may require a rescue of some kind.

"...leave a message."

She does - reminding Celia that John will be dropping Lawrence at school on Monday morning and that she'll not be around for the remainder of the weekend. "Any questions or needs - text me. Bye. bye-bye."

* * *

"I see."

"Mmm hmm."

"Where's the baby?"

"In her cot. Just put her there. You didn't budge when we got up." She's now working her way up Caroline's leg one unhurried kiss at a time.

"Come up here please." Caroline can feel her blush begin.

"In a bit. I've got a couple of stops to make along the way."

"I see. Did you sleep?" She's actually lifted the sheet seeking conversation.

"Caroline?!"

"Right. Sorry."

Kate knows just the spot, where the leg ends and Caroline begins.

She could linger forever on these legs.

Only one kiss away... she can hear the quiet mutter, almost a whimper.

"Caroline. What are you doing?"

She'd pushed herself up with her palms - propped a pillow behind her back.

"Watching you."

"I see. It's that kind of morning is it?"

"I think so...what time is it anyway?" She turns to reach for her phone. "Kate its nine thirty, good Lord."

"You're going to need to stop squirming at some point. Truly."

"Whoa. Oh Dear. Hello. Kate. God."

"Alright?"

"Mmm Hmm. Startled me a bit – but yes, you're fine. I'd forgotten that you can be a bit assertive at times."

"Only when needed. Please get rid of that pillow and get back down here."

Caroline fully aroused.

Begins coy, somewhat shy and playful.

Kate knows to find her place - to simply take.

Sharp quick focused motions reveal the sweetest luxuries - Swelty.

Kate allows her to still - vision locked. "Shh."

Fingers just deep enough encouraging Caroline to rise, inspired.

She drags her body the length of Caroline's - all for just a kiss.

Caroline wraps her legs around her middle as she arrives, drawing her deeper, cupping Kate's shoulder blades, locking her in place, forcing her further.

Allowing Kate to saturate every inch of her, every fold, every ridge, every furrow.

Kate matches Caroline's rhythm, unable to escape the erotic refinement, the rise - the fall - of her rib cage as she forces her hips back toward Kate.

She feels her own arousal begin to overtake them, aware of the strength she's using - and the strength she can barely withhold.

Drawn to the thick muscular cable running the length of Caroline's neck she lands a slow deft bite - drawing a desperate cry from her lover then driving deeper - harder again.

Is aware of Caroline's hand at the back of her head, pulling her to a breast.

Eyes lock as Kate descends - she spots the tears.

"I'm fine, you're perfect Kate. Please don't stop."

Kate pulls at a nipple with just her lips, teasing, lingering - the antithesis of the force she's driving through every drop of Caroline.

Designing a deliberate collision course - corkscrewing its way through every cell.

Kate feels it nether just below the breast, willowing to the surface, arriving in a single throated cry.

Sheer.

Translucent.

True.

Freed.

Caroline - all of her - falling into a moment.

"I love you Kate."

"I know sweetheart."

Kate works away at the rising tide of tears, kiss by kiss.

Caroline still holding on, keeping Kate locked deep inside.

Whitecaps reducing to waves, rolling gently, slowing.

"Caroline. What is it?"

"I've been thinking."

"Now?"

"I know. Can't help it. It's not us. We're perfect. It's the rest of it. The nonsense, the craziness, all of the fabrications and walls and things that have gotten in the way of us landing here - and yet - I've clung to them Kate, hung on to them, pulled them closer, and pushed you away - us away. Why?"

She begins to release Kate, to relax into her lover's repose.

"It's all you've known Caroline."

She begins to sob. Attempting to speak and trying to kiss Kate all at once.

"Slow down Caroline we've got time. We've got plenty of time."

"I could have lost this. We, I mean."

"We could have lost this? Or you could have?"

"Both." She draws another staggered breath, tears filling her mouth, Kate drawing at the salty poison, trying to relieve the tide again, as she feels the last wave release.

"Caroline. We're going to be fine. We may want to discuss the how and the where, the whole lot of it, but we will be fine. I promise you. This is it. Us. We have no choice. It's who we are, who we were meant to be."

"It's beautiful."

"Close your eyes and look at us, for just a moment."

"I want you here Caroline, here. With me, with Olivia. Move in for the summer, school's nearly out. Bring the boys."

"William is staying at Oxford for the summer." She's only half sobbing now, calming.

"Bring Lawrence. He'll love it here Caroline."

"He would. I'm sorry Kate."

"For what now?"

"For all of it...the selfishness, the arrogance, the chaos I dragged you in to."

"Caroline, we can discuss it as it comes up. But we've got to move forward. You were right yesterday."

"I was?" Proud but not sure why.

"I walked away when I wanted to, and returned when I was ready. I wasn't aware."

"Of?"

"How much you love me."

"You have no idea."

"I'm learning."

"I think we both are."

"Fancy an afternoon at the Farmer's Market? We need to get outside at some point. And so does Liv."

"Did you just call her 'Liv'?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

'No?"

"I like it. I like her Kate."

"She's ours Caroline."

Caroline blinks, gives up a sweet smile.

"Can I?" She peers toward the cot nestled into the corner of the room.

"Of course, she'll be awake soon anyway."

She's runs her hands gently under the back of the sleeping infant and carries her gingerly back to bed, resting her into the middle.

"Caroline I'd never wanted to do this on my own. I'd always wanted a baby, but not on my own. Certainly not her - without you."

Olivia's eyes begin to open, searching into nowhere. Looking for Kate, reaching for Kate.

Caroline turns her over as Kate pulls her in to nurse, propped on her right elbow.

"You must be tired."

"Today?" She winces as Olivia latches on.

"No Kate, in general." There's irritation in Caroline's tone - at herself - for leaving Kate alone, for running away when Kate needed her most.

"Don't Caroline."

"What?" She's transparent.

"Don't beat yourself up. I've been fine. Look around you. We've managed."

"You're sore."

"Can be."

"I remember. I hated breast feeding."

"Really?"

"It didn't come naturally for me. Especially with William." Her eyes fill again.

"Doesn't for everybody. Don't be upset by it."

"I've got no clothes, other than what I wore here."

"Is that why you're crying?"

"No Kate." Curt.

"Caroline, you've got three boxes of belongings in the garage, items you'd left at the house."

"Please, tell me they're not labelled 'BAD'."

"What are you talking about? You're making no sense."

"Sorry. It's nothing. Let me run you a bath and then I'll rummage through to find something to wear."

Caroline's forced Kate to linger in the luxury of the bath, to just rest while she and Liv work their way through boxes. She was taken aback at how many items she'd transported to Kate's over the short time they'd been together, but delighted just the same. Grateful that she'd not tossed them out with the trash – but rather kindly moved them here with her own belongings. "Typical," she thought.

"Oh you're going to love this one Liv. This one if for making coffee with. This one was a gift. It's called a Chemex. Blown out of beaker glass. I use chemistry papers as filters. But you can only fill the drip to its belly button." She gives Olivia's freshly filled belly a poke where hers might be. "Shall we give it a try?"

"None for me you two. No caffeine for the little princess."

Kate presents.

"My God you're beautiful."

"Thanks. You two alright?"

"Perfect."

"Agreed."

"Come on, I laid some clothes out for you."

"Caroline?"

"What? Come with."

She lays Olivia down in the small pen in front of the garden doors to catch the warm morning breeze, turns on the mobile and takes Kate's hand, guiding her back to the bedroom.

Drawing Kate's towel, she turns her around to dry her back.

"Cream?"

"That'd be lovely. There's some cocoa butter with B5 just over..."

"Got it." Gentle, kind.

Caroline takes her time, ensuring she's covered every inch of the back of Kate, kneading at the knots and tangles that have been left unattended for months. Drawing just a touch more cream, warming it with her hands she reaches around for Kate's breasts. Working to relieve the ache that she herself remembers all too well.

"Kate?" A whisper with intent.

"Yes." Caroline hears the ache turn to want.

"Have you ever been dressed by woman?"

"No." She's struggling.

"It could be remarkably erotic."

"I'm sure it could Caroline."

"Here."

Kate feels Caroline stoop to begin at the bottom, holding black out in front. Kate steps in one foot at a time. The sensation of silk steadily working its way over calves, past the knees, around the thighs, stops to remain at the hips.

Kate has always been moved by Caroline's ability to arouse her in some of the simplest ways.

It was for Kate - the difference.

What stood out for her as Caroline.

She could be so silently thoughtful.

When moved to act, she became quiet, calm, almost unbearably meticulous.

When afraid to act - different story.

"Caroline, this is going to be a problem."

"I don't think so Kate."

She holds a bra out in front, Kate lifting one arm at a time, Caroline still behind, guiding breasts gently into fabric and finishing with the fastens.

"Better?"

"I had no idea."

Caroline sees Kate in shades of greens and blues.

Grasses fresh, lush and tender.

She drops a camisole from overhead and lets it fall...moss.

Linen capris, tight to the hip, light on the leg...pine.

Cotton knitted sweater, open to the breast, cut to the waist, dropped in the back…Emerald.

Caroline hears a sigh hit the air with each item.

She pulls Kate's hair back to a tail and wraps it in a peacock coloured rag.

"Done."

Kate manages movement and turns to meet Caroline in greys and plums.

Caroline reaches out to tuck that crazy strand of uncontrollable hair back behind an ear, and meets Kate's mouth.

"Shall we dress the monster and head out."

"Caroline?"

"Oh don't worry Kate, I know exactly the order it needs to come off in."

* * *

"Turn around Caroline."

"Its fine Kate."

"It's not fine. It's going to slip and slide all over the place and you'll end up chafed. There's a buckle on either side at the back that I can tighten. I don't want to pinch you, turn around please. Are you sure you're comfortable doing this?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be? Kiss me."

Caroline takes what she asks for as she asks for it.

"She's going to wake up soon, I hear her."

"...and when she does, we'll be ready." She leans in for another kiss.

Olivia tests her lungs...

Kate rescues the infant from her seater and holds her over the carrier.

"Perfect. That should slide right in nicely."


	23. Chapter 23 - Revelation Finds Relief

_PING...buzzzzz.._

_McKenzie, Kate.._

A flash of white bursts across the passenger's seat then begins to fade. A look down to the left and then back to the task at hand. A blue beacon tossing tell-tale throbs throughout the cab.

_PING...buzzzzz.._

_McKenzie, Kate.._

Caroline plucks the piece from the cooled leather upholstery and drives it to arm's length in order to see the screen.

"Note to self - have Lawrence enlarge font. Good God, I'll be down to a word per page shortly - a letter even..." She's taken to talking to herself of late, just enough to soothe the soul, maybe hear some sense circulate into sound.

Turns to her right to see Kate's sitting room curtain drawn just a notch; Kate's shadow poised in anticipation, unattended, untouched, alone.

"_What are you doing Caroline?_"

"Damn it!" She's forced to remove her gloves in order to activate the touchscreen.

"_Cleaning out the console."_

"_Why?"_

"_It's dirty." _Now digging through her handbag for her reading glasses. Runs a thumb and forefinger across both lenses. "Perfect! Something else that needs a proper cleaning."

"_You've been out there for over ten minutes."_

"_It's filthy."_

"_You're going to freeze, at least turn the vehicle back on."_

"_I think this was a bad idea."_

"_Why?"_

"_I think I treated you poorly, earlier."_

"_When?"_

"_On the couch, at mine, after dinner." _She pitches the item back to the seat and continues to ram papered particles into the plastic bag she's recovered from the pocket just behind her own place setting.

_PING...buzzzzz.._

_McKenzie, Kate.._

"_Caroline what are we doing?_"

"_Exactly my point Kate."_

"_No! I mean what are we doing? Right now. Why are you still out there?"_

"_I'm cleaning out my console!"_ "God!"

"_Caroline!"_

"_What?"_

"_Why are we texting?"_

"_I don't know Kate. You started it?"_

"_Do you want to tell me what's going on?"_

"_Yes."_

_Alright...time frame, ETA?"_

"_Depends"_

"_On?"_

"_What are you wearing?"_

"_Robe."_

The poor object is forced into another tousled tumble, takes flight as though a flattened rock skipping across the pond of Caroline's amphibious emotional turmoil. First skip - passenger door, second skip - passenger seat, third skip – inside of console lid, ultimately finds itself face up in the recently re-organized receptacle. "Try and do that again Elliot."

_PING...buzzzzz.._

_McKenzie, Kate .._

Her forehead forcefully finds the steering wheel, bared knuckles clinging desperately to ten and two. A warmed wind escapes, evacuation on impact, she watches the boggy breath turn to a rimy glaze along the dash. Panic stricken - she's had time enough to think - time enough to come to her senses. Again she asks - "What are you playing at Caroline?"

"_Would it help if I dressed?"_

"_Yes. No."_

"_Have you ever attempted a direct route Caroline?"_

"_Not that I can recall Kate."_

Siberian shards of light, white, blue and black linger about the street lamps as she works the first foot to February's frosted floor. Second foot, solid along the snappy sidewalk.

"Left - right, one - two, William - Lawrence," striving for distraction as she makes way to Kate McKenzie's doorstep. "Why am I always so challenged by left and right? Why has it always been so hard? One foot in front of the other. There's always an uncalculated factor somewhere - a bump a crack, a patch of ice." Her thoughts take to flight at an increasingly rapid rate, eyes ascending at an open door - Kate. Respectfully clad - more by consideration than by choice.

Caroline lands within ear shot. Now looking down at left and right.

"When I see you - I see everything." She looks up - deep and directly into devotion.

"Really?" Right back, respectfully.

"Absolutely." Again, answering the pull of attraction.

"Sounds complicated." Aware of the advancing appetite.

"Nope - its more complex than complicated. Can I come in?" There we go.

"Now that sounds complicated." Up for it.

"Possibly." Downplayed.

She manages two steps up and one step in. Arrived.

"Coat?"

Eyes descending downward, in self-inspection, possibly pleased that she's wearing one at all.

"No I'm fine. It's freezing out there."  
"Right, but you're in here now Caroline."

"I feel like I'm always walking through doors Kate." Kate's moved in to manage the morsel. Handbag to the floor, zipper to the end, scarf, draws the coat and lays it to a ledge.

"Boots Caroline."

"Right, sorry."

"What do you mean by 'I see everything.'?" Kate's taken her hand, pulled her to the sitting room and plunked her at the end of a two seater sofa, hound's-tooth grey, neutral in tone and time. She tugs at the feet and turns her in. Caroline's painfully perceptive at every point. "Here." She props the feet and finds a throw, tucking the package in place, then drops herself directly next, grounding Caroline, holding her place.

Caroline becomes attentive to the gentle tones of jazz working their way into the air, walls of books line the room, lighting dimmed, it was all so very much Kate. Comforted.

"I think at some point I stopped asking 'Why?' Why I chose the life I did, John, the boys, teaching, a perfect life really by all accounts. Focused on others, on family, on responsibility, did all the right things at all the right times. I think I thought that if I gave enough, worked enough, cared enough that it would all be enough to carry me through. That if I stopped wanting something else, then I'd stop needing IT."

She's taken Kate's hands now, to warm her own, warm her heart.

"And..."

"And then you turned up. Throwing yourself around the parking lot, pulling passages from Pessoa and Plath, playing Withershins with me in Whitby, and even putting up with my mild perversions earlier this evening. I'm embarrassed Kate. I apologize." Kate's kindly aware of the red rings beginning to find their form about the edge of her eyes.

"Caroline. Did you hear me complaining - earlier this evening?"

"I don't think I heard much other than the blood rushing through my own ears." Humour's hard.

"Right. O.K. Well let me spell it out for you then. The only complaint that I have...Caroline..." Caroline's eyes are now attempting to follow Kate's delicate digits as they wander expressively through the air, exquisitely erotic in their ease. She feels the twinge, thinking back to earlier in the evening. Kate's skillful hands. Kate's quieted now, clearly waiting for Caroline to come back to the present.

"What Kate, what? Just tell me."

"Well I was a bit disappointed with where it ended."

"Kate, I just sat in my car - well Jeep, sounds odd when I say it, for almost twenty minutes looking for a piece of paper. I wanted to write it down, all of it. Words to describe you. And I couldn't, nothing came, nothing that made any sense anyway."

"No paper? Really? I've got paper. I can get you a piece.." She leans to stand and Caroline pulls her back.

"No silly. The words. It's just you. It's everything, its all of it. Every time I look at you it all comes flooding back. All the things that'd I turned off, given up on, left behind. And I don't know how to tell you, explain to you...what I see, feel."

"You just did Caroline."

"Right; but I just feel so awkward, unknowing...unaccomplished."

"Unaccomplished, unknowing? Caroline, what in heaven's name are you talking about? You have more letters behind your name than in your name, two wonderful sons, a beautiful home, your Jeep - sorry, had to toss that in. What are you referring to? You're going to need to be more specific."

"Kate I can't.."

"Caroline I don't understand, we were having a perfectly wonderful evening, what happened between us earlier was fine, well it was better than fine and I understand that your concerned that your Mum may wander over - so fine I'm back here at mine... and your here now, so even better."

"Oh Mum would never walk in unannounced..."

"O.K...so what's the pro...bl..em, Ohhh I see. Caroline? I didn't know. I thought that there were others..women?"

"Nope."

"Didn't you date somebody at University?"

"Date. That's it, that's where it ended, put away, parked."

"Alright, well what about Grace?"

"Yes, Grace. Kate we need to discuss Grace."

"Sure. Tea?"

"Tea'd be good."

"Kiss?"

"That'd be better."

* * *

_Oxford, 1994_

The two women have loaded into the lift. Caroline is emphatically aware of how inebriated she is, stimulated, assertive, attracted. She's had one thought of John all evening, and the accompanied flash of anger worked quickly to eradicate any and all attending guilt. She pounces as the doors begin to close, leaving a somewhat shocked but smallish crowd, open mouthed in the hotel lobby.

Finding her way beneath Grace's blouse, her migrant tentacles wandering upward then stung by the burn of a rabid grip to the wrist.

"Not until the room. Please." Firm. Firmer than Caroline would have expected. She draws away and turns to watch the floors find their way to 4. Timid now, but still tipsy she follows Grace to 411, waits patiently at the door. Grace makes herself easily understood. "No lights."

Caroline's able to see through shadows, street lamps finding their way through shades. She's aware that the room is widely warmer than earlier in the evening, but then chuckles to herself thinking... "could be me. It's me." She's kicking of her boots and reaching for Grace when Grace executes a perfect step back, Caroline nearly tipping.

"Take you clothes off Caroline."

She feels her heart skip a beat. Instantly uncomfortable but quickly convertible she complies.

Grace pulls a desk chair over to where Caroline stands and stills behind it, waiting, watching. Finds her way to seated.

Caroline is aware of the small stimulated sounds making their way into the room, Grace beginning to whisper instructions, Caroline in step. Intrigued, instigated.

"Grace?"

"Listen Caroline."

Caroline is unaware of how long the episode endured, or how she managed to find herself so clearly compromised. Alone, levelled against the length of Grace Mitchell's hotel room bed, nude, obeying instruction, incrementally aroused by her own indulgence.

A groan, or was it a grunt, not her own, catches at her consciousness, finds her fallen, striving for self-restraint she manages to pull herself away from the surrounding sheets and staggers to steer her way to the scraps of scattered fabrics until she's shroud again in safety. Panicked she manages a stammer; "Grace I've got to go, this is a mistake, it's insanity, what are we doing?"

"You really should stay Caroline, you must, we're not done you and I." Her voice has become deep, darkened, dipped in demented desire.

Caroline feels a wave of terror turn her stomach. A whimper comes from somewhere in the room, undefinable. She grabs for the door and is gone.

Hammering at the panelled buttons, watching red make its way through _'Lobby, 1, 2_,' atop the lift doors; frenzied, frantic and for whatever reason frightened she begins to feel stifled, suffocating. It arrives, one last glance at 411.

Making her way quietly into the apartment she strips and finds her way to John, drifts into a confused and encumbered sleep. Its ten o'clock before John stirs.

"Coffee?" Whispered.

Caroline wide awake, eyes closed, heart racing, she manages a stretch and makes her way into his arms.

"That'd be lovely John."

"How about breakfast, we could head out?"

"Perfect."

They spend hours pulling and peeking at papers and periodicals of all sorts and sizes, articles, bodums of the blessed bean, much spoken, more unspoken, and the day passed...

_Harrogate, February 2013_

Caroline's quiet. Kate's still. They're opposite each other now, both cradled into Kate's cloudy two seater sofa, covered by the same comfort. Caroline exposed at one end, Kate somewhat shocked at the other.

"Not at all what I'd anticipated."

"Neither."

"No I guess not. Did you ever tell John?"

"God NO! Should I have even told you?" She's pulling at a loose thread along the throw and feeling herself unravel.

Kate drops her tea cup to the table in the centre of the sitting area. "Of course you should have told me. I'm just, well I guess, I'm stunned. Grace? Good Lord, Caroline."

"Grace? Kate! Me? I felt, contaminated for days afterward Kate. Couldn't really look at John, or anybody for that matter.

"Well to be fair to yourself..."

"Kate you're smirking, it's not funny."

"To be fair, given the right circumstances, is it the worst thing you could have done?"

"Possibly not, but they weren't the right circumstances were they Kate?" She's angry now, dark, disappointed.

"I'm sorry Caroline." Kate reaches for a foot under the cover and feels the tug, Caroline tucking one leg under the other - away. Kate can feel the tremble. "Caroline. What is it? Is there more?"

"I don't want her anywhere near you Kate, or anybody I love for that matter. The woman's raising children for God's sake."

"Caroline there must be more."

"Why would there need to be more Kate, why?"

"Well surely even you can see that asking somebody to take their clothes off and administering a few, shall we say requests, isn't the most perverse thing we've read in the news. There must be more..."

_Oxford 1994_

Monday morning materializes; Sunday having taken its sweet time to settle. Caroline's tucked into her tiniest of offices when the rap arrives at the door. Mrs. Margaret Morrison - From the moment they'd met Caroline had been certain that she'd been at Oxford since the day of discovery - was the administrative albatross for an entire block of post-Doctoral offices, Caroline's included.

"Good morning Dr. Dawson." She's knocked and entered all at the same time.

"Good morning Margaret." Not looking up.

"These arrived, your fiancé I'm presuming." She holds the enlarged covered cone and looks at Caroline with a knowing glance.

"Not likely Margaret, but let's have a look." Caroline likes the woman, and is aware that Margaret enjoys their short but frequent interactions. "Have a seat if you wish, there's tea in the pot and a cup in the top drawer of the filing cabinet."

Margaret of course complies, setting herself into one of the two timeworn tattered tokens tilted toward Caroline's desk.

"Well?" Margaret was more than the curious sort.

"Well what Margaret?" Playful.

"Who are they from?" Drawing a long and loud sip from her cup. "Tea's cold."

"Margaret, Oxford's cold." playing it out, as she opens the tiny envelope attached to the package. A drop of dread begins to bead its way into her brain, wondering. The card. Not quick enough to eclipse the script Margaret's able to manage the name at the bottom of the square.

"Grace. Right, you'd a dinner meeting on the weekend." Margaret's tone had changed just a touch.

"Yes Margaret, we had a meeting, you booked it. Why the tone?"

"Oh there were rumours when she walked these halls Dr. Dawson."

"Really. Such as?" Beyond curious.

"I shouldn't say really." But she wants to.

"Margaret. It's just you and I. Who do I ever speak with, other than you of course?"

"Well." It took only that much coaxing. "She had a friend here, before she married, I believe during her Master's research. Something went sour between the two of them; poor girl had a lot to say after the matter."

"Like what Margaret?" Caroline's well past interested, peaked.

"There had been some family issues, serious, tragic, when she was younger; apparently the father had been locked up, the mother gone mad and the children placed in care."

"Like what?" Caroline feels the shudder slap against her spine.

"The worst you can think of Dr. Dawson."

"Caroline Margaret, it's Caroline please. Go on."

"Apparently the man had has his way with those poor children for as long as both could recall."

"Two girls then. My God Margaret, I had no idea." Caroline feels the screw turn.

"No, one of each - girl and boy..."

_Harrogate February 2013_

Kate knew Caroline better than she knew herself...

_"She's immortal yet perishes at a single glance."  
"She is radiant and cloudy all at the same time."  
"She is the definition of decadence but built upon virtue."  
"She dances with angels without even trying then leaves them wanting for more."  
"She delights in all things pure and good - yet can be wistfully sinful."  
"It has taken her lifetimes to find her way here - to us - but something keeps drawing her elsewhere. Our love wasn't easy to find."  
"Caroline must process each breath, each touch, each emotion - all beginnings for her are like rasp on rind - abrading away at a husk - her armour."_

And so for the first time, divested of all safety and security, in so many years Caroline Elliot prepares to offer herself to Kate McKenzie. Bare of all barricades and butresses she steps from the bricked bathroom floor to the care and capture of the carpeted room. There waits Kate, bewitching in her beauty.

_Can't breathe._

Kate stretches out a hand for her love and Caroline complies, feels the crush of her chest, the constricting compassion. Takes Kate's hand and looks to the carpet for concealment.

"I love you Caroline."

"Oh God Kate..."

Caroline had imagined their lovemaking into a million ways - but never into this.

Lying face to face - open to the air of the room, to the world, to the universe - silent, hands at their sides, fingers finally fused, she feels Kate's love touch her tongue.

Kate is perfect - patient - placid in her presence.

Waiting for Caroline.

Waiting for sound - a breath arrives.

Waiting for movement - a shift of the hips, a rock, a sway.

"Kate."

"I've got you, we're fine Caroline, just close your eyes and breathe."

Kate rises and turns her love to her stomach, gently pulls her arms above her head resting her hands to the rails of the headboard, slides her legs and sets herself between, knelt - Caroline dilated, face down across her bed.

"I think I've wanted you forever Kate." A mumble rises from the pillowed mattress.

"Good."

Skin melts to muscle, muscle to bone, bone to nerve as Kate works her hands through every inch of Caroline. Massaging every muscle with measured manipulation. Begins with the base of the skull, blowing blond strands to directions unknown - then;

Frees the neck.

Sets the shoulders and balances the blades.

Rests the ribs and wakes the waist.

Waits and watches for the rise of Caroline - she arrives.

Hears the exhalation as Caroline releases her handhold on the headboard - breathing hollows.

The hind heaves, holds, and then halts to the matress - surrenders slowly, then rises again.

Caroline had imagined, hurried, hungered, harried even - but not this - nothing like this.

This was lazy, lasting, loving - long.

She can feel her there, behind her, above her, and wants her there, wants her to remain, to continue to coax, cajoal, carress. Feels the room shift, warm, can taste the musk in the air, feels the advancing agony - the overwhelming ache in the thigh - the rub of Kate against each leg directing Caroline with her sway, owning her movements, dictating the drop and rise with every slow shallowed breath - but not taking, not without asking.

Kate draws Caroline to her knees,

tenderly guides her head back to rest upon her shoulder,

embraces her perfectly, draws her out,

seeks permission, slowly, quietly.. "Now?"

Caroline can barely manage a nod as she turns to kiss Kate's neck.

Kate leans back just enough, tacks, taking Caroline with her, running her hands to the tip of her torso, tarrying the thighs.

For Kate - there's no work left to be done - Caroline is at the door - executed, expended, easy.

Caroline instinctly lowers, longing for Kate, languishing.

Taking Kate's right hand she guides her, gently, easily, softly.

Caroline is locked into this embrance, Kate behind, Kate infront, Kate inside, wrapped completely in Kate.

It takes nothing, just a breathe - a simple sigh - unravelled.


	24. Chapter 24 - The Scientist

_Well here we go...at it again. Now if you've been previously challenged by this timeline I invite you to visit Chapter 22 again...it'll tie in nicely. Thank you for your kindness and patience...this is a long one. I do apologise._

* * *

"For the love of God." They'd arrived at the Market just under ten minutes ago, Caroline having managed to somehow entangle the infant carrier into the chest strap of her seatbelt. An exercise into which she had chosen to embark despite the gentle yet firm warning she'd been given. "Kate I know what I'm doing. It took half an hour to get this thing on, I'm not removing it for the drive."

"Please Caroline, just sit still for two seconds, possibly three. Stop squirming. Sit on your hands." Kate's now bent at length, awkwardly, into the passenger door of the Fiat, attempting to unscramble the straps and extricate her excited escort from the vehicle. "How did you even manage this? It's like you've played at a round of Cat's Cradle when I wasn't looking. I may have to cut you out, call Fire Services even. And you can stop staring down my sweater."

Caroline's now leaning back, head against the rest, eyes aimed away from the sweater, focused on the roof's cloth interior. "Did you attempt to transport a tree in here at some point? Pine possibly? Yes Pine." She reaches up to pull the remnants of a needle from the vaulted beige cotton veneer.

"Christmas, the year we met. Honestly Caroline move again and I will leave you here."

"Will you crack the window at least?" She reaches up now taking Kate's face in her hands, clenching her jaw in an attempt to not laugh, nostrils slightly flared, eyebrows raised in innocence. "I'm sorry it was an accident. I love you? There's still a couple of needles in the ceiling and I can detect a faint scent of Pine."

"I love you too sweetheart. What are you going on about? It really is all about taste and texture, colour and aroma for you isn't it? Now hang on, and I mean hang on. Brace yourself." Kate readies herself to give the baby carrier a tug, puts all she possesses in a first pull. The seatbelt releases. Caroline's head lurches forward and makes direct contact with the dash.

"Jesus Kate!" She sits upright and looks around rubbing the centre of her forehead. "Where'd you go?" Then down. "Oh my God Kate, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Caroline. I'm afraid that's the end of the carrier though," Half in her hand the other half dangling dangerously from the abandoned chest strap.

Caroline darts out of the car to Kate's aid, stoops and reaches out a hand. "Well that was lady like." The comment plays like an echo bouncing from behind her head like it's been broadcast over a loudspeaker. Told in tandem.

"Kate? Kate! Is that you?" A rather well build blond, average height, early forties possibly of a professional stature, dark denim draped over dramatically high heeled boots is making her way across the lot, directly toward the two.

"Annie." She's standing now, releases Caroline's hand, dusts off her backside and makes her way to the woman, arms open. "You look fantastic. My God, how have you been? It's great to see you."

Squinting, Caroline makes her way past the two and around to the back of the vehicle. She's able to pop the hatch successfully on a first attempt. The hydraulic hinge singing slightly on its way up, waking the tiny traveller tucked into her rearward facing seater. "Hey you, how'd you fare through all that excitement?" Ready to reach in and free the rider, Caroline senses the stranger taking a step, possibly two toward them.

"Dr. Elliot. Hello."

Caroline stands upright, staying still within Olivia's line of vision. She catches Kate just behind the woman, dragging her hands nervously down the front of the fresh linen capris that she had so lazily drawn up her lovers legs less than an hour ago. "Hello. I'm sorry I don't recognize..." Not reaching for the outstretched hand.

"Annie Parkins, well Dr. Annie Parkins it would have been, formally, then. I attended the Symposium in '94 when you spoke at Sulgrave. I was invited in as a Junior Educator by Dr. Mitchell, hired on a year later."

"Did we meet?" Cold collides with the midday heat. She leans back in toward Liv and pokes the oversized buckle binding the baby into the booster, her cool tone lagging behind, deliberately left to find its way toward Kate.

"Annie was the Head Teacher at Sulgrave just before you arrived." Kate's taken a step closer, the triangle getting tighter. "Well actually not just before, two before, well previous, a forerunner, predecessor." Kate's sort of bobbing now, like her knees were attempting to give way, but caught, give way again, and then caught again... "Precursor, prior..."

Caroline pulls herself back out through the hatch, ram rod posture on ram rod legs, turns directly toward Kate, folds her arms at her breasts and then stops. A flash takes her back to that January evening, the night they met, Kate apologizing for her inability to control her own ramblings when caught off guard. It was endearing, captivating, seductive even. But today, Caroline's gone flatly flat, potentially aware of the reasons for Kate's staggering speech. "I'll get the baby buggy; I mean the baby and the buggy. Whatever."

"Antecedent..." A final synonym slips from the sky. "Annie would you like to grab a drink, a beverage, tea? We could catch up. Caroline?"

"Kate." She waits.

"Shall we?" She asks again.

Caroline works to pull the pram through the back portal wanting them both to leave, suddenly wanting time alone with her daughter. She manages a mumble, "Why don't the two of you head on, we'll catch up. We've some work to do." She's detected that somebody is possibly in need of a change.

"Are you sure?" Kate's aware of the agitation accumulating in the afternoon air.

"I'm sure. It was nice to meet you Annie." Said as she ducks back into the vehicle for nothing.

* * *

"All right little one." Caroline clamps the seater into the bracket of the buggy, drops one bottle, one pacifier, and one small blanket into the mesh bag dangling from the handle. Takes a tiny white lamb and tucks it in between Liv and the lining of the seater. "You seem to like him. Does he have a name?" Olivia's not taken an eye off the brilliant blond, not for a second, not a breath, watching every move, every motion, taken in the tone and timbre of every word. An observer would possibly note that they'd known each other for lifetimes. "Well you certainly smell better, its best that that's a memory that we don't carry out of infancy isn't it Liv?" She now tucks the dirty nappy into a side pocket of the baby bag and drops the hatch. "We're off. We've got a lengthy list so we best get at it. We'll locate your Mum along the way."

Stall by stall, ingredient by ingredient Dr. Elliot loads the bottom of the buggy with the multitude of ingredients needed for her Sunday evening meal. Vendors knew her by name, some the parents of students others simply acquaintances she'd made over the years while wandering in search of odd and interesting items. Surprisingly she was able to answer any questions that arose in regard to her new addition. She felt calm, happy, elated whenever Liv's tiny limbs would start to waver in walloping jerks at the sound of her voice. Caroline Elliot would once again remember this as a moment she tumbled into love; this time with the tiny Olivia, luscious, lovely and along for the ride on a sweltering Sunday stroll through the market.

Caroline catches a glimpse of the back of Kate's head, singling out the only the peacock coloured rag bound about charcoaled curls. She's alone. No evidence of her blond companion that Caroline can see - relief. Pushing her way through the crowd she grabs Kate's hand from behind as she catches up and pulls her around to steal a kiss.

Kate turns a touched startled, peering directly into the sun and then bares a cheek just in time avoiding Caroline's attempted advance. "Hi. Not so easy Elliot."

"Right." Caroline releases her hold, instantly reminded of her behaviour earlier in the parking lot.

"You two are loaded." Noting the variety of parcels and packages tucked about the unit she crouches to deliver a salutary smooch to each of the copper coloured cheeks, adjusting the awning as she stands.

"We've had fun, you?" She's doing her very best to maintain a neutral tone. Suddenly she spots it out of the corner of her eye, her own fear, her insecurities, rolling, pounding toward her like a runaway train barreling through the crowded market, the driver absent from the engine.

"It was nice to catch up. She's lovely Caroline, you'd like her." Kate's walking alongside them now, having to work to stay in stride.

"I don't think I would Kate," She's wheeled the buggy around and is headed back toward the car, "something tells me I just may not." her steps getting stronger the further she goes.

* * *

They're headed home windows wide, air wallowing its way through the vehicle. Caroline's dropped a receiving blanket over the exhausted infant in an effort to shelter her from the blowing breeze. "I don't know how many times I need to apologise Kate."

"Caroline I don't know what goes through your head sometimes. It should be common sense."

"I was nervous."

"Nervous? You were nervous?"

"I was nervous."

"Nervous of what? Caroline you've been around babies before bore two of your own."

"Kate I said I was sorry. I've nothing to add."

"I'm going to need to take the car in, have it detailed, shampooed, something."

"Go on. Get it out. Say it."

"Who in their right mind would leave a dirty nappy in a sweltering vehicle, windows up for over an hour?"

"I didn't actually leave the nappy in the car did I? I left the baby bag behind, it just happened to be harbouring the damned dirty nappy. There is a difference; we could argue the point Kate."

"We are arguing the point Caroline. Next you'll tell me it's the difference between complex and complicated."

"Well technically, yes..."

"DON'T."

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" They're nearly home. Kate's calmed a touch now, the open air having helped.

Caroline's staring down at the tattered remains of Liv's carrier, torn and tossed onto floor in front of her. "I think we're like Liv's carrier Kate. We become so rapidly entangled, tightly, even when we're not looking and then one tug, just one good tug, one pull, and we're torn again; how?"

Kate glances over to see a solitary tear working a slick trail along Caroline's dust covered cheek.

"We all have a past Caroline."

"What does that mean?" She turns, red rings around her eyes, trying to hang on, right hand gripped to the arm rest, left holding her hair out of her face. "What do you mean Kate?"

"I mean there are things that neither of us has shared, things from our pasts, things that are going to require patience from both of us Caroline. But we can't hold each other hostage each time something shows itself."

"I don't have... 'A past.'" _Out it fell, the lie, the flaw. The constant fear of being found out filling her mouth._

"Oh Caroline, I've been steeped in your past; we both have, waterlogged until the scum rose to the surface and the bag cracked wide open."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? And slow down, there's a baby in the car."

"It means Caroline that if you leave a tea bag potted long enough it rots."

"I get the metaphor Kate although I'm not convinced it's applicable in this case, but are you referring to Conway?"

"Yes Caroline I'm referring to our short tortured time together at Conway and the complexities of it all. The comings, the goings, from where I stand, stood; it should have all been part of the past. Well minus the boys and your mum and Alan of course."

"So John then, you're referring to John. Well then we're talking complicated, not complex."

Kate's pulled the Fiat into the cabin drive, parked it, and tugged the keys from the ignition. Hands folded on her lap she lets go a dramatic sigh, pulls the door handle back and turns to her now not so excited escort. "Caroline Olivia needs feeding and I'm in need of nap, can you manage the rest on your own?"

"Of course, I'm sorry Kate." She's quiet now - realised.

"It's fine Caroline. Let's just take a break."

* * *

"What are you making? It smells delightful in here." Kate's arrived at the kitchen door seductively sleepy.

Caroline's entirely engrossed in a process, pounding at the parsnips with a bit of regret and a full serving of guilt, Liv watching while perched atop the counter tucked in to her seater.

"Hi. Dinner, I'm making my lamb mole. How'd you sleep?"

"Well. When'd you come in?" Kate makes her way to Caroline, wraps around from behind, and turns her 'round, pulls her in reaching up to pluck the pout from her bottom lip. "Wine, you taste like wine. Cherry."

"About an hour ago, she was fussing and I didn't want her to wake you. Dinner's ready in a bit." Wrapping her arms around Kate's waist, taking a breath, wondering how it's even possible to love anybody this much.

"I think I'd like a glass of wine. Have we got any white?" She releases Caroline and makes her way to the fridge.

"Can you drink?" Caroline's slightly confused. "I thought you weren't..."

"I've got back-up." She's retrieved two frozen bags from the freezer, both labelled and dated. _'Breast milk - do not drink' "_I pump periodically and then freeze for a rainy day, or a chilli filled dinner with a beautiful blonde, whichever comes first."

"Oh God Kate, I wasn't even thinking - again."

"You drank the breast milk? Caroline!"

"No! God no, I was referring to the chillies in the Mole. I wasn't thinking. And believe me there's chillies in the Mole...mulato, chihualces, pasilla, tan chipotle. They're all in there Kate; I'd have blown that poor little baby right through the roof."

"Caroline, its fine. I was wanting you to feed her anyway. You need to feed her, bond with her, hold her. So it's perfect."

"Kate." She feels the compassion of the world closing in, Kate's complete love.

"I know Caroline. It does get tangled from time to time. But I'm afraid it's who we are. We're just going to have to adapt, adjust, and try to enjoy the ride."

"Well that's not easy to do is it, especially when the ride smells faintly like raw sewage."

"Faintly?" Kate leans in and takes a sniff of Caroline's blouse, you're fine, its dissipated.

"Fair enough. Can we talk about Annie?"

"Not tonight Caroline. Tonight I just want to talk about us. Just be us, together."

"I think I can manage that."

"Perfect. Now can we review your menu?" Kate pushes herself up onto a stool and turns Liv to her direction. "Hi. Here we go."

"Of course, glad you asked." She's reaching up into an overhead cupboard for a white wine glass something smaller than the goblet she's been attending to, all the while her hand remains on Kate's. She blows a puff of cherry flushed breath into the bowl of the glass, pours and passes along. "Kate I've been working on this recipe for nearly twenty years. Oddly enough, not including the lamb I'm up to twenty very specific ingredients. Some have surprised even me with the significance of their roles. It's typical in its braising techniques but that's where the traditional traits end, I believe. The rest is pure, unadulterated chemistry."

"I've missed your pure unadulterated chemistry Dr. Elliot. Tell me, was this recipe built upon the Dr. Caroline Elliot hourglass hypothesis of anatomical experimentation perhaps?" Kate delivers and then waits to watch the red rise from a well carved cleavage.

"Ah, w w well it's nice to know that somebody has faith in my theories. And yes, I have used the hourglass hypothesis of anatomical experimentation in this dish Kate." She's taken that teaching tone that can be so remarkably seductive.

"Caroline I hesitate to ask but where does the anatomical piece fit in?"

"Kate..."

"Yes."

"Some tastes remain on the tongue." She's moved back in, parked between Kate's legs now, remarkably close. Comfortable. Home.

"Like?"

"Like cinnamon, cinnamon always seems to remain in your mouth Kate" she tugs at the bottom lip lingering there to complete her sentence, "but I think tonight you'll also keep clove, almond perhaps, a touch of oregano and thyme," slowly working her words down the length of Kate's neck.

Kate sits breathless, feeling the world slow as Caroline begins to settle - Her Caroline.

"Others seem to seep through the skin, find their way to the surface in a surge of spice laden satiety. Sublime." She's not moving now, simply standing, speaking with a sultry strength that provokes them both.

"Such as?" Kate can manage a short sentence without a stutter or synonym attached.

"The chillies and Mexican chocolates will find their way there Kate, taking with them a touch of banana, ripe banana, tomatillos and green tomato. All tangled together, bound to the surface of you."

"Is that all Caroline?"

"No."

"Caroline?" Kate moves a hand to just under the chin, moving Caroline to rise, face her, look at her, into her. Locked.

"The rest will rise through the membranes Kate. Hibiscus, heavenly hibiscus fused with avocado leaves and lime. They'll have deliberately worked their way through the blood, coursed through the veins and found their way fragrantly to the parts of you I want the most."

Olivia lets out a squeal that could wake the dead.

"Jesus!" Caroline sends a stream of white wine across the counter top, catching the glass with the back of her hand. "Parenthood does have its privileges."

"Wow, alright then." Kate's attempting to stand on what's left of two well warmed legs. What say you get her fed and I'll set the table?

"Just one plate Kate."

"Fork or spoon?"

"Neither. Shall we eat outside?"

* * *

Caroline drops to the worn cushions, Olivia tucked in safely. Suckling away at the warmed bottle, eyes locked on Caroline. "What the hell?"

"Caroline. Not while you're feeding her at least."

"Sorry Kate, I just landed on the corner of..." She retrieves a tattered hard cover that's been tucked into the side of the sofa – "Antoine Lavoisier's _Elements of Chemistry. _Kate? You were thinking about me? When I wasn't here, when we weren't..?" Olivia draws harder at the sound of Caroline's voice; Caroline holds her tighter, eyes full, heart full.

Kate's headed past her now toward the patio doors. "I can't not think about you Caroline, you're all I think about, when you're not with me, when you're with me, I was actually just trying to figure you out, thought if I read Lavoisier.."

"And?"

"There's no point, it doesn't matter. I love you."

"Right." She looks down at Liv looking up at her. "Well there we have it Olivia Caroline McKenzie. You're mums appears to be in love." Liv raises a couple of eyebrows, gives a solitary blink. "You see Liv, there are over seven billion people in this world, and there's a bit of each one of them in all of us. So as much as we are all different - we can all certainly be the same from time to time. It has its challenges. Keep that in mind."

Kate's seated, content, on just the other side of the patio doors...listening.

Olivia's down with the sun.

* * *

"Can you walk me through the process?" They're sitting pool side now, legs in the water, temperature turned up for a cool spring sunset. Caroline's taken the time to move dinner down and between the two, having divested Kate of all cloth as promised earlier in the day, in the appropriate order of course.

"Sure. It's simple." Licking her fingers free from lamb she drops into the warmed water. "Sear the meat hard and fast." She pushes away from the side of the pool with a lengthy leg. "Remove from heat and line the roaster with blocks of butter and white onion, skins on for integrity."

"Are onions shy?" Kate asks dipping into what remains of the parsnip puree.

"They can be, so can garlic if it's not treated appropriately, so I chop that with its peel in place and drop it in. They make good company Kate."

"And then?" She's pulled her feet free from the water pressing her heels into the soldier stones at the pools edge. Careful to ensure that she's exposed herself entirely.

"And then I braise the meat for a full hour in hibiscus, lime and avocado leaves." She manages to get the sentence out as she drops beneath the sparkled surface appearing again at poolside. "When the hour's up remove from heat, drain and massage in the remaining ingredients until the meat begins to sweat. Roast on low at length."

"You still hungry?" Kate leans back on the blanket they'd been sharing.

"Terribly."

* * *

They're tucked into bed now.

"So if somebody's not had anything hibiscus-infused before Kate, how would you describe it?"

"Oh well that's easy...Let's see. Well, it's not too floral or overly fragrant, like lavender or roses might be... it's not overly sweet... it's a little earthy, but not too peaty, makes it a perfect pairing for lamb. It made me think of a late summer evening around 7:30, 8 o'clock... maybe the grass was cut that morning, so there's a lingering fresh smell in the air... and maybe it's a little cool because late summer is easing into fall... and maybe it rained the day before, so everything feels alive and green... and maybe you picked or chopped fresh tomatoes earlier that evening so the smell is still on your hands ever so slightly... and maybe you have a planted pot or garden spot of thyme and tarragon nearby... and maybe, just maybe, there's a slight, warm wisp of a breeze, and you're sitting on your porch or patio listening to the sounds of your neighbors, and you hear laughter in the distance and it makes you smile. That's what hibiscus tastes like."

"So don't change the recipe then?"

"Please don't change the recipe."

* * *

Beverly couldn't help but snicker as she watched Caroline Elliot unfold herself from the tiny green automobile. She glances down at her watch. _'Right on time'_, as she drops the pot of tea and warmed cup to the blotter on the desk. Of course the legs were the first to appear, a lengthy pause prior to the rest showing itself. Beverly could only imagine the self-deprecating, self-indulgent profanity that was bouncing about the vehicle. Nodding she makes her way back to her desk. It was only Friday, two and a half days ago, when she'd dropped the devilish envelope onto Caroline's sideboard; the envelope that contained the photograph of Olivia and Kate's new address.

The entrance breaks the silence, heel hammering to the hardwood. Perky. "Not a word from you." She barks on the way by, dropping an envelope into the very centre of Beverly's desk.

Without looking up from her monitor Beverly manages, "Didn't cycle this morning? Seems like it'd be a nice day for it?"

"Beverly I swear to God." She's pouring a cup and ready to sit, but first…

…from the outer office. "How was the weekend?"

"I will fire you from here Beverly. Keep it up."

"Jeep at the Garage?"

"Last one, I'm telling you."

"Thank you for the card." Beverly's made her way into the inner office only steps away from Caroline's desk.

"Join me for tea Bev, there's a cup in the top drawer of the filing cabinet. I think it's me that should be thanking you my dear friend."

"Somebody had to do something." She reaches out allowing Caroline to pour and then sits herself down in a chair directly across.

"Bev? What can you tell me about Annie Parkins?"


	25. Chapter 25 - Whom Do You Trust Caroline?

Watching.

Shafts of perfect light fragment the afternoon air. Shards speckled through. Dotted with dust. Held in perfect suspension above the spine of a tattered wing-back chair. It's ribcage visible through the threadbare bolt. Chosen certainly by its occupant as a blockade. A definitive boundary for any and all intruders.

Waits.

It's been just two and half hours since a phonetical detonation has riddled its way through the cafeteria of the hospital's psychiatric ward. Caroline's verbal fusillade savagely consuming Kate in its wake.

Cautious.

A finely calculated approach from an acceptable distance.

Stepping softly with trained restraint.

Slightly disruptive so as not to startle.

She'd entered the lounge through the only available door. Weary of trapping her target in a soon to be perceived rearward ambush. Keenly aware of the potential for a wildly defensive response.

She pauses at what she knows to be a respectful measure. Prepared to wait as long as necessary for some indication of admission. A turn of the head, a muffled greeting, even an infuriated _"What do you want Sarah?"_ would suit.

Nothing.

Stalled. Patient. She waits. Forging time for insightful observation. Always penetrating, ever astute. Profoundly skilled in military like perception. Dr. Sarah Durham.

Her target has stilled. Fixed. Whist.

Caroline. Not Caroline Elliot. Not Dr. Elliot.

Caroline...

Held in the hypnotic haze of a favourite game show; having made her way to the common room at 2:25 sharp - as she has each day for the past two weeks.

She seeks comfort in the ambivalence of the tattered old television, bound by electrical tape and metal brackets - rudely bolted to the bulging water stained ceiling.

Coffee coloured clouds mark the overhead plaster in shapes of friendly and familiar creatures. She takes the time each day to beseech them, to conjure. To assign them attributes of love, of joy. Names them and thinks of Liv, then sorrowfully launches them upon a wish. Across the room. Through a window. Out into a world once her own.

Sarah can feel the heartache fanning like a swelling draft, forcefully shivering its way through a crack in a dampened concrete wall.

* * *

"_What to do with this one." _Last night. She'd mumbled it ever so faintly. Scarcely aware of the blanket of warmth being tucked around her weary frame as she began to seep into her malleable Middle World. A place she'd carefully carved into the narrowest of spaces. A sliver between wake and sleep.

Intellectually agile. She's able to hang there. To drift in an analytical suspension as she grinds her way through problems and riddles. True sleep rarely visits the mind of Sarah Durham. Last night, like so many prior, she'd found her way to the living room sofa, folded herself into the far too short furnishing and began to deliberate.

Morning came and with it the sounds, sights and smells that she'd grown to know as Love. Two teenage daughters battling through their morning routine, coffee freshly ground, and Claire.

"Maybe treat her like the woman she was and not the victim she's become." Motionless, back turned to her statement's recipient she watches as the last few drips of coffee make their way into the carafe.

"Good morning to you too." Rising stiffly on one elbow Sarah swings her legs around, pressing the bottoms of her feet into the cooling floor. Working forefinger and thumb against her sleepy lids she hunts with a free hand for her glasses knocking papers and books to the ground. "Shit. When did you get here?" With a foot she forces the pile beneath the coffee table, stands and stretches her now bespectacled frame and patters her way toward Claire.

"Late." She slides Sarah's steaming cup across the counter. "It gets lonely out there at night, without the three of you. I tried to wake you when I arrived but you were working your way through something. It's become a touch desolate here as well since you've made the sofa your second home. What were you just attempting to hide under the coffee table my little _amante femenina? _Do you want breakfast?"

"No. I'll grab something at the hospital. I'd love a cigarette though, God I'd love a cigarette. Did I say too much, last night? In my sleep?" She hurries back toward the living room and gathers up the stack of photographs that had tumbled out of a fallen file. "Your Spanish is awful by the way."

She's on all fours when two sets of teenaged stocking clad legs make their way quickly passed her toward the front door. "Good Morning Mum? Good Bye Mum? A hug. Nothing. What?" Up again and to the door.

"Sorry Mum. We're late." Violet. Fifteen, just. Sweet. Delivers a peck to each of Sarah's cheeks, tosses her bag to her shoulder and waves good-bye to Claire who's watching with amusement while waiting on toast.

"Please tell me you didn't sleep in that. That's disgusting. Promise me you'll shower before work mum?" Elaina. Soon to be seventeen. More than a touch stroppy, even on a good day. Assuredly snotty. A wave to Claire on her way out the door and then "I'm sorry mum. I'm not hugging you in that...I'm just not." Certain enough to slam the door on her way out.

"Are you alright?" Claire's put down her cup, having just folded the morning paper around an article she knows Sarah will want to read.

"I'm fine. She frustrates me Claire."

"Who?"

"Elaina. I don't how to love her. Not anymore. She's changed."

"She's just like you Sarah. And she's not entirely wrong. Your choice of bedclothes is somewhat, well, shall we say...fascinating?" Claire can be coy.

"What's wrong with?..." Looking down at herself now. "Alright, fair enough." Comprehension.

"Did you run in those tights last night?" Somehow appeased.

"Possibly." Chagrined.

"And the shirt?..." Claire's tone becomes resolute.

"Again, I may have."

"And the robe?"

"It was my Dad's. It's company Claire. When you're not here."

"Shower?" A step toward.

"All right. I take your point." Sarah's neatly apologetic in her tone. Brown eyes plead forgiveness.

"No my _Chara_. I don't think you do." Playful. Seductive. Serene.

"_Ah! Ya veo!_" Sarah holds out a hand for Claire.

* * *

"You said something earlier." Applying make-up while Claire diligently pulls away at the knots and tangles of her hair.

"I said a lot of things this morning my love." Smiling over her shoulder into the mirror. Happy to be here. Home. With Sarah.

"When you were watching the coffee drip. You said something like, 'treat her like a woman.' What was the reference Claire?"

"Right. Braid or bun? You do realise it's the longest I've seen it."

"Braid. Tell me please."

"I was referring to Caroline. Shall I make you an appointment to have it cut?"

"What about her?" Turning. Taking Claire's hands in her own. "Tell me."

"When I was covering you last night, you mumbled something. '_What to do with this one.' _I thought it was in reference to Caroline. I saw the photographs on the coffee table Sarah. "

"And..." She's pulled away now. Careful not to share too much.

"...And I think that you should treat her like the woman she was and not the victim she's become. Allow her to see the woman you are and not the threat that she perceives you to be." Common sense Claire. Always the cerebral game changer.

"Can you make the Dry Cleaner today?" Sarah's peering into a somewhat empty wardrobe, remembering her world of chaos before Claire. Before Harrogate. "Black it is. Again."

"You're beautiful in black." Claire sits watching at the foot of their bed.

"You think I'm beautiful in any colour." A touch exasperated.

"But you are beautiful in any colour Sarah. This sadness however, this doesn't become you."

"Did you look closely at the photographs Claire? On the table last night?"

"No...I know the woman. I find it all very frightening. The night I met them..."

"...The night of the ball. I remember. When you returned home, you described the two of them. 'Tantalising' was the word."

"They were. They were like light layered onto moonlight. I don't know that I've ever witnessed two people so in love Sarah. So..._entangled_."

"I thought that we..." She's almost hurt by the statement.

"...Other than us, of course." She turns herself to face Sarah now. "I feel like I should have said something. Earlier. So I'm apologizing now. But there was something that night Sarah. Caroline. She seemed agitated. Exhausted. Jumpy even."

Sarah sits. "Go on."

"When we met. She was stunning. Striking. Beautiful. But she wouldn't face me. When we spoke she stood to my side, looked away - almost avoidant. Then an announcement drew her attention. Pulled her away. She was quick to leave, almost as though she'd been waiting for it.

"And? Is there more?"

"Yes." Such hesitation. "While waiting on my car I stood just outside of her office window. She was arguing Sarah. With a man. Gavin? I was introduced to him during cocktails. Director of the Board of Governors I believe."

"Gavin Spencer?"

"Yes. That's it. And then the next day. I had dinner with her and Kate, at their cottage. Well they call it a _cabin_, but it's clearly a cottage. She's a seductive cook by the way."

"Yes, you've said previously. Regardless Claire. Your point is what? Go on." She's becoming impatient.

"She was the same. Worried. Unable to speak about herself, refusing to reference herself. Sarah this is an intelligent woman. A brilliant woman. Have you read her work? Her research? She's genius. And yet that Sunday afternoon she was almost unable to hold a conversation."

"Can I borrow your shoes?" She's staring down at her partner's feet now.

"I'm wearing them. Did you not hear a word I just said?"

"I've heard every word you just said. Committed to memory. Locked. But if you don't give me the shoes you're wearing I'm off to work in my bare feet."

"Take them."

"Her injuries." Squeezing her size tens into Claire's size nines. "They're not the doing of a single perpetrator Claire."

"How can you tell?"

"Handprints. Dissimilar in size."

"DNA?"

"Four samples. Three identical. One displaying a .05% variance from the three."

"Can you tell me the reason?"

"I can't. But I also can't stop you from you doing your own research now can I Ms. Webb?"

* * *

She sets a cautioning hand to the top of the wingback chair.

"Caroline? Shall we walk?"

"Why?"

"I need to understand some things Caroline." Sarah Durham reaches between the seat cushion and arm of Caroline's chair. Wields the television's remote control like a well-worn wand.

Blackout.

"I was watching that." Peeved.

"And now you're not. We've work to do. At your request I might add. Shall we walk." Its no longer a question.

Caroline's obedient in her movement standing immediately on the second request. But then..

"_Take it Sarah - dear God please take it all." _

Recalling the sound of her own terrified voice earlier in the day. Exposed. Lost.

"I've changed my mind. For today. I think I'd like to rest. I'm tired. I'll take that..._please._" She reaches out for the sticky scepter in the hopes of settling back in for an afternoon of televised twaddle.

"Actually I don't believe you will." Sarah tosses the item, underhanded, into an overflowing green bin and then watches the lid spin ruthlessly.

"Caroline. I'd like to show you something but I can't do it here. My office is best." Durham turns. No longer waiting.

Walks.

Followed.

Caroline's settling. Somewhat. Working her way about the office. Built strategically into the newly constructed Trauma wing, away from the bustling wards and wanderings - silent, almost secretive. There's work left to be completed before patients are transferred from the old drab psychiatric ward to their kind and compassionate new residence.

It's taken Sarah only fourteen minutes today to coax her charge away from the common room. A victory? Perhaps. Perhaps not. She wonders.

Is there a favour finding its way into the world? A language perhaps.

Caroline's chosen a spot on an Ottoman, adjacent the door. She's faced willfully at a matching set of shelves. Books splendidly swelling the entire wall. A planned distraction should the need arise. Her hands bound about the ankles, she's tucked for defense.

Sarah's noted Caroline's left hand circling a scar neatly healing just above the ankle bone. There's compassion in the caress. A sign of sorts. A possible end to this emotional eclipse.

Caroline shifts her gaze from the neatly sorted shelving to the edge of the desk in front of her. Her vision locking on to a photograph aligned perfectly to the edge of the well-polished wooden surface.

First recognition. Dr. Sarah Durham, front row among a group of at least thirty soldiers. "You were military? Is that..." She squints. "A Captain's ranking?" She looks up at Sarah now, almost suspicious. "You don't look military."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment Caroline?" Sarah's chuckling as she walks from behind her desk to a chair directly across from Caroline.

"I don't know." She's able to locate the humour in her own error. Smiles. "And is that?..." She pauses.

"Claire? Yes Caroline that is Claire."

Caroline holds out a finger, pointing to the date on the engraving plate._ June 17th, 2001._

"Claire was military?" Now she's sounding snotty. A touch of the old Caroline tugging its way to a surface.

"Noo. Claire was on a press tour. I can't imagine Claire in uniform. Can you?" "_Treat her like the woman she was."_

"Mmmm. Possibly. Well no. That's a lie." Delighted that they both see the humour. "When did the two of you meet?" She's moving now, to a chair. A conversation. Something other than herself.

"We met that very day. In an military transport. 30,000 feet in the air. She was terrified."

"I'd be terrified." She raises her eyebrows, nods. Comfortable.

"Tell me Caroline, whom do you trust?"

"I'm sorry?" An edge returns. Vulnerable.

"Whom do you trust?"

"I trust you."

"I don't think you do. I believe you want to. But do you really? Enough to tell me?"

"Tell you what? I don't really know you." Remarkably annoyed.

"Caroline. We all have secrets. Believe me. We all have secrets. I promised you this morning that we would find a way through this. A way out for you. But I need you to lead the way. You have to trust me."

"I don't know you."

"Then ask me something. Anything."

"Alright. Sometimes. Only sometimes when you speak, I detect an accent."

"Yes. What's the question Caroline?"

"What is it? Where are you from, originally?"

"Its Spanish Caroline. I was born in London actually. Lived there for the first ten years of my life. And then my father died. My mum then moved us back to her family's farm, in Spain."

"I see." She nods. Blinks. Twice. A third. Then squints. "What would you want for you last meal?"

"Really? That's your next question?" Sarah leans back into her chair and crosses her legs, laughing.

"It's important Sarah. Tell me." Persistence.

"Alright then. For my last meal I would love to taste and feel "day and night." The flavour of the sun and the flavour of the moon. I would want a fresh handmade tortilla stuffed full with the ever seductive altruistic black mole. Tortillas remind me of the communion with the sun and black mole represents the depth of the dark skies. Life and death, joy and sorrow, passion and ambiguity. Next question?"

Caroline sits stunned. "Setting?"

"A set of simple wooden chairs, around a simple wooden table, strewn with fresh flowers, at sunset and the mystical aroma of spring in the air. Candlelight and brilliantly lit skies trampled with clouds."

"What would you drink with your meal?"

"Red wine. Simple and sensuous. To be enjoyed only in sips, giving away telltale winks to the palate."

"Would you have music Sarah?"

"Of course. I would listen to "La Llorona" ("The Weeping Woman") repeatedly, with verses that have been added to it over time, reminding me that in this life, I was loved."

"Dining companions?"

"I think I would want to dine alone."

"Not Claire?"

"No. I think I'd have said my goodbyes to Claire."

"I see." She's stilled again. In thought.

"Who would prepare your meal?"

"I think Caroline, I would have you prepare my meal."

"Ohh. Would you?"

"I would. Now tell me Caroline; Whom do you trust?"

"Well. Kate of course...and you I suppose"

"Who else Caroline? There's someone else. You can tell me."

"Gavin. With my life Sarah. Gavin." Her hand again back on the ankle, circling the scar.

There's compassion in the caress.

A sign of sorts.

A possible end to this eclipse.


	26. Chapter 26 - Lost

_Lost -_

_Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you  
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,  
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,  
Must ask permission to know it and be known.  
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,  
I have made this place around you.  
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.  
No two trees are the same to Raven.  
No two branches are the same to Wren.  
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,  
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows  
Where you are. You must let it find you._

_ \- David Wagoner_

* * *

Schooled. Kate reaches for the dressing gown anchored to the inside of the en-suite door. Slipping both arms, simultaneously, through their respective sleeves, she turns her back to the bedroom and pads toward the sink. Pulling the robe over both shoulders, she lifts her toothbrush and paste from their resting place, whilst attempting to cast a discreet yet vigilant eye into the mirror. Into Caroline. Into an image of her Caroline.

Helpless.

Helpless, since tucking and buckling Caroline in to the passenger's seat of the Jeep fewer than 48 hours earlier, finally ready for her return home.

Helpless, when Caroline proclaimed loudly enough, in the hospital parking lot, for any and all to hear. "I suppose asking if I can drive my own vehicle is a rr rredundant rr r request."

Helpless, to Caroline's response to her suggestion to make a stop at their favourite cafe for a coffee and to share a pain au chocolat. "No. Thank You." She was considerate, but firm. "I'd like to go home, please."

Helpless, as she pointed the Jeep on to Broadcroft drive, en route to Conway, Caroline wrenches her head to the left, her face riddled in agony as she spotted the flowers and wreaths still lining the entrance way to Sulgrave Heath. "They've removed my name from the school pylon." She turned back to face the road. Silent.

It's early. Still. A raging red dawn cleaves its way between the slats in the window blind, carving two-inch slices across Caroline's back. Kate gasps at the sight of it.

Caroline had made her promise, last night, as she reached to set the alarm, that they'd have plenty of time for her to prepare for the day's event. This day. She's one hand gripped tightly on the basin, and one clasped over her mouth. Try as she might to stop herself, it escapes... "Like a red morn that ever yet betokened, Wreck to the seaman, tempest to the field, sorrow to the shepherds, woe on to the birds, Gusts and foul flaws to herdmen and to herds."

"Shakespeare_..." _Caroline utters in an almost carefree tone...

It was a game they used to play, during long journeys, whilst working in the garden, renewing a piece of the cottage, gazing at the night sky on a Friday evening, shoulder to shoulder, beneath their blanket, sharing a double dram and a lethal round of _Kate's Quote Who Wrote_. Kate hadn't the heart to tell her that she'd never truly had a sip of the stuff, she'd merely rest her lips against the glass, tilt, breathe in the warm, rich, smoky aroma...then wait to taste it, later, on Caroline's lips.

Caroline's fixed in front of her wardrobe. Nude. One patent leather wedge in each hand. This much she had decided upon. _"_Venus and Adonis_..."_ A bit of a smile this time, eyebrows raised.

"Yes, Sweetheart. Correct on both counts." Kate turns away from the mirror and takes one step. Such moments of lucidity, now, can be delicate. One, she prays, unthreatening step toward the bedroom. Toward Caroline. Eyes cast down at the sash of her robe, her fingers working as though she's never really mastered the art of tying a knot...'_Left over right and under. Right over left and under'..._she takes a second step, then looks up.

"None of it is going to fit. Is it?" Caroline waves a heeled hand in the air, looking down at the reduced version of a former self, then back at the cupboard. Then at Kate. "It's all going to be far too large. What am I going to wear? It never crossed my mind. I'm taking a shower." Not a stutter in the air. Delivered in classic Elliot form she drops both shoes to the floor and heads directly toward the en-suite as though an entire new, and well fit, wardrobe would be waiting upon her return.

And it was. Caroline had been home for Christmas. It was evident then that she was in need of clothes. Celia's perniciously prickly point..."Scarecrow," delivered over turkey and stuffing was rude, but not unfounded. She wore nothing other than the rotating triad of black, charcoal and then grey leggings, topped with a series of off the shoulder sweaters in the same but alternate colours, and an underlying sports bra. She'd arrived home on the 24th of December with the collection of items she wore in hospital, a few necessaries, and a journal. Nothing more. Kate noted then the absence of Caroline's effort to open a drawer or cupboard. She seemed content to live a meagre existence out of the well-worn carpet bag that slouched cooperatively in the centre of their bedroom floor. On the morning of the 27th a car arrived to take her away...again.

Caroline was scheduled to return, permanently, on the 2nd of January. All that stood in her way was a series of evaluations based on her brief three day stop, over the Holiday. Troubled by the number of unattended details, in preparation for her final return, Kate grabbed her mobile and reached out to Claire for help, as she watched Caroline's car drive out of sight.

By noon Kate had made her way to the cabin, and Claire had lumbered her way through the hedge that divided their two lots, laptop in one hand, fully loaded bassinet in the other. By mid-afternoon the two women had managed to place orders to three of Caroline's favourite fashion sites, with next day delivery. Claire had delivered Sarah's warning to remove nothing of Caroline's belongings from their current locations, lest she be startled or alarmed by their absence.

The dawn's red warning has retired now, replaced by a robust rain pitching itself against the brick exterior. The heated hail of Caroline's shower heaves against the interior wall with equal purpose.

Kate's content, amidst the soaking storm. She'd instantly recognized the quirky, unguarded, irresistible beauty that had just wandered toward their shower. There was a sliver of the same spontaneity that had struck her with such strength, three years ago today, the night they'd first introduced themselves. Recalling her thoughts from the earlier part of that evening, she pulls a series of garments and accessories from her own wardrobe, next to Caroline's. '_Stimulating. Entertaining. Engaging.' _She unzips the beautifully tailored monochrome dress and removes it from its hanger, lays a short, black, box jacket next to it on their freshly made bed, then reviews the required remaining items in her mind, as she lays them out. '_Lingerie - black, tights - grey, belt - grey, purse - grey, shoes...shoes'..._she gathers the pair from the bedroom floor_...'Pearls.__..'_

"Kate?" Caroline's returned from the shower, just as Kate pulls the white jeweller's box from her bedside table. Held together, from breast to backside, by nothing other than a warmed bath towel, she stops at the foot of the bed. Dripping. Stunned. "What is all this? What have you done? Kate?"

Kate turns to face her, sets the box down on the night table and takes a gingerly step closer. "Well...I thought...well pondered...debated...Is it, wrong? Should I not…have...gosh...I'm sorry, Caroline...you're upset."

"Is the dress a Bennett?! The jacket! Oh Kate, its perfect." There's a bit of dignity in her voice. Happiness. "Upset? Gosh, no. Moved. Grateful. So very grateful, but certainly not upset. I'm scared, Kate. Terrified in fact. Terrified of today, of tomorrow, of the next day..." Frightened. Exposed. This time Caroline's one hand covers her mouth. Then out it falls..."Midway upon the journey of our life, I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been wholly lost." A tear begins to well in the corner of her eye, slowly bleeds its way down her cheek, then plunges to the rug. Lost.

Kate makes the final step toward Caroline, then takes both of her hands into her own."Divina Commedia..." She wipes the second tear from Caroline's cheek. "Leave it to you to quote Dante at a time like this." Kate gently turns her around, reaches in front of her with both arms, and releases the towel, hearing Caroline take in a short, sharp breath.

"Kate?" She's vulnerable now.

"It's okay, Sweetheart. I've got you. Do you remember that one, very happy, morning, at the cabin? Our first weekend together after Liv came along?" She bends and sets the silk black knickers low enough for Caroline to step in to. "You taught me the benefits of allowing a woman to dress me."

"Well, I had a good pupil." She releases a bit of a chuckle as Kate delicately pulls the silk undergarment up her legs, and, as taught, rests just a second, or two, at the spot where the leg joins the hip.

"Can you tell me about your path, whilst I dress you? Are you truly lost? Even here? Now? With us?" She sets the undergarments into place then lays a kiss on the back of Caroline's shoulder, waits to hear her exhale and then drops another onto the side of her neck.

"Well the thing is, Kate, everything that I had leant on, for my own identity, was gone. It was as though I'd entered this splendourous, black contemplative forest of self-doubt." She lifts her arms just enough to allow Kate to pull the bra straps over her hands, wrists, and then along her forearms.

"How did you even know that you were on a path, Sweetheart? The days and week leading up to the..." She's rested the straps onto Caroline's shoulders, running her fingers beneath them. Laying black silk against perfectly white porcelain. She stops. Feels a lump gather in throat. She still can't say the word...

"'Attack,' Kate. It's the right word. It's difficult to say at first, but with time, it does get easier." Kate closes the clasp, then turns Caroline to face her.

"Attack." She looks directly at Caroline, and begins to sob. Caroline sits her down gently on the end of the bed, and crouches in front of her.

"I'm okay, Kate. I was broken, yes. 'Lost' if you will. I've still got a few cracks in me, but who doesn't. I'm not quite whole, yet. But I am getting there. I WILL get there." She's holding Kate's hands in her own now, rubbing her thumbs back and forth across the backs of them, whilst Kate attempts to catch her own breath. "Now, shall I put on my own tights while you get yourself dressed? It is, after all, one of my favourite things to do." She stands, leans in and leaves a short sweet kiss on Kate's forehead, then sits directly down next to her. Grabs the first tight from its resting place, and begins to gather the fabric, working her way toward the toe. "My realization began during a conversation with Sarah, about food, of all things."

"How did the two of you end up on the topic of food? Like I need to ask?" Kate's made her way to her own wardrobe and pulled on a peacock blue blouse. Grinning.

"Well...she told me to ask her something. Anything. So I did." She proudly pokes her left foot into the toe of the first tight, and drags the collected fabric over her heel and up her calf. Beginning to feel a bit like herself again.

"Oh, Caroline! Really? Will that never get stale?" They're both laughing now. Kate's dressed.

"No! How can it? It's the perfect question. I've taught the boys to use it, and when Liv's old enough, she'll have her lesson." Tight number two.

"I swear Caroline. Even in your darkest hour..."

"Well that's just the thing, you see." She stands, working her way into the left shoe. "As luck would have it, I learned more about me than I did about her. Well, she's Spanish. Did you know?"

"Yes. I did know. We've had a few conversations." Kate's putting the finishing touches on her own outfit. Earrings. Watch.

"In Spanish? You and the...really?" Right shoe.

"Don't sound so shocked, Caroline. And, Claire and I have had a few conversations, in English." A smirk and a bit of lipstick.

"Well, I'd hope so. She's English." Hands on hips. "Can you help me with the dress? Please?"

"Caroline. You get my point." Kate makes her way back toward the centre of the room and lifts the dress from their bed. Kisses Caroline slowly, sweetly. "Now, your point, my love." She lifts the dress over Caroline's head and waits for her to raise her arms.

"Tortillas and black mole. Day and night. Light and Darkness." Her arms are through. Kate guides the dress down to the knee. It's a combined black and white statement print. Square cut neck. Expertly placed seams. Sleeves to the elbow. Caroline turns around to let Kate close the zipper, then back to face her once again. "I was fascinated with her want, need, to experience both light and dark. She was comfortable."

"Go on. You're stunning by the way." Kate's frozen in front of her. The dress was typically Caroline, yet softened to the point of being subtly understated. Delicate.

"You see Kate..." buckling the grey patent leather belt into place, "I had always thought that if I did things right that I'd never suffer, that the people I love would never suffer. If I did things right..." Her voice is cracking now. "...that there'd be no dark dreams, no dark relationships." She's slipped the jacket on, and made her way to the full length mirror. "But then, Sarah asked a question."

Kate's picked up the white jeweller's box from the night table, and lifts the lid. The hinge squeaks slightly, and startles Caroline. "What was the question, Sweetheart?"

Caroline's voice cracks again. "She asked me if all that light had hindered my ability to experience the treasures that lay in the dark." She's watching Kate walk toward her with a string of pearls. "She taught me, Kate, that I AM on a path, a radical path. When I asked her how I'd know, she told me. 'You'll know because it disappears.' Are those my pearls?"

"No, Sweetheart. I'm afraid they're not. Well, yes they are. But they're not _your _pearls. _Your_ pearls weren't repairable, Caroline. I'm sorry. But I thought they'd do, given that today is the third anniversary of the day we met, truly met, not the day I threw myself all over the school parking lot, in order to get your attention. I'm hoping that these will make a suitable replacement." Kate steps behind Caroline, wraps the necklace around her neck, locks the clasp in place, and whispers, "I love you, Caroline. I've something else for you, if you'd like it." Kate holds out her hand, palm up, and there in the centre lays Caroline wedding ring. "May I?" She takes Caroline's hand and places the band on Caroline's left ring finger. Home. "I had it re-sized." She smiles, leans in, pulls Caroline's face close and reaches in to once again oblige what she knew to be the most beautiful mouth she had ever explored. "We've missed you."

"You know...'We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.' " Caroline looks to the bedroom door, and there stands Lawrence with Liv propped neatly on his hip, Will peering over his shoulder.

"Really Lawrence, she chuckles as she takes Kate's hand and walks toward her family. "Sirius Black? Order of the Phoenix? Surely you can do better than that."

"Actually Mum, he can't. Potter's his peak." Will ruffles his brother hair. "Your car is here, by the way. And this parcel was sitting on the doorstep when I went out to let the driver know you'd be a few minutes." He holds out a small, tidily wrapped gift box, in Caroline's direction.

Caroline's legs buckle and Kate reaches to catch her before she falls. "Caroline. Whatever is the matter?"

She's recognized the wrapping paper. She's recognized the package. Sits down. Sets the box onto her lap. Looks up at Kate. Tears streaming down her face. "It's the gift I gave to Grace the night of my welcome party, three years ago...tonight. I don't have to open it. I know."

Kate grabs the parcel and tears the paper away. She opens the box and pulls out a hand-sized carving. "It's a Chimera."


End file.
